Is it fair to plan an expensive, multi-stop bachelorette party without going over prices with everyone involved? Surprising people with an entire day or more full of bridal adventures only to Venmo request them later is a quick way to get beautifully dragged on the internet. So, when a frustrated bridesmaid decided to consult the gloriously petty and judgmental 'Wedding Shaming' group on Reddit about a luxurious bachelorette party where she was strapped with 5 different bills, people were eager to pile on.
I was asked to be a bridesmaid in my friend’s (we’ll call her Jane) wedding a few years ago. I was only close to the bride, and the rest of the bridal party - including the bride - were one big friend group. For context, I used to be part of this friend group in high school but for reasons I still don’t know, they phased me out in our early 20’s, but I still remained very close with Jane.
Shortly after Jane asked us to be bridesmaids, the other girls made a group chat without Jane in it for any planning they did as a surprise for Jane. I tried to contribute ideas where I could, but many times those ideas would be ignored. At the same time, my ex and I had purchased a house, making money tight. I was still willing to contribute, but did have a limit.
A fee months had passed and I did not hear of any plans in the group chat. I didn’t think much of it until there was a text from one of the girls saying that everyone owed her $120 for the “engagement gift.'
I was stunned and asked what she was talking about and they all replied saying they had decided to purchase her a professionally framed print as an engagement gift from the bridesmaids. I made it clear that I didn’t know this gift was even discussed, but sent the money to keep the peace.
Some more time had passed without hearing much from the bridesmaid group. I would text in it for any updates on things such as the bachelorette party and they would say “we’ll let you know!” Or “yes let’s all plan something for her!” I let this go and hoped they would text the group when it came time to plan the bachelorette party.
A few more months had passed when one day one of the girls texted the group asking me to purchase the gift for the bride for her bachelorette and they would each pay me back. I agreed and again asked what the plan was for the bachelorette party. They gave me no details other than the day and time the bachelorette was to start.
The day of the Jane’s bachelorette finally came and everything that took place was just as much a surprise to me as it was to Jane. To start, Jane was to pay for absolutely nothing - everything from the food to the experiences was to be split among the bridesmaids.
We started off with brunch at one of the most expensive restaurants in the city, then we went to an escape room that charged per person. Afterwards we went shopping and then went to an expensive steakhouse. I was doing my best to enjoy myself but with every stop came a bill that I was not prepared to spend money on as I did not have a lot of disposable income.
To end the night, the bridesmaids had booked an expensive AirBnb 45 minutes outside of the city (yes, that was split without Jane as well). I volunteered to drive myself and Jane to the Airbnb as I needed my vehicle to leave early the next morning. We were the last to arrive and were informed they had picked out and assigned all the beds.
All the rooms looked beautiful with queen beds, dressers, and ensuites… and then they showed me my room. It was a cot set up in the laundry room. I stayed the night and silently cried myself to sleep. I woke up early and quietly left the next morning. The only text I received from the girls was telling me how much I owed for the Airbnb.
In the end, Jane had a beautiful wedding and I did not have to deal with that group of friends anymore. To this day, I have not told Jane about how excluded those girls made me feel, and I don’t intend to. But it felt good to type this out.
Honestly you’re a bigger person than I am to stay in the laundry room, I would have declined staying there that night and went home and not chipped in for the Airbnb. Also I would never let any of my friends be put in that situation, so considering “Jane” left you to sleep in a laundry closet is disturbing. I’m sorry you went through all that, but you’re much better off never having to associate with them again!
Damn I had a similar experience. My friend promised to make me a bridesmaid but didn’t (thankfully). I was however invited to the bachelorette party. They excluded me from the group chat, I had next to no information given to me and they were all friends from high school so no one would talk to me when we got there.
It was an incredibly lonely weekend and I ended up having one of my worst panic attacks our last night there. I still can’t stand those girls because of how they treated me that weekend.
Those women are not happy with themselves or their lives. Happy people don’t treat others the way they treated you. I’m so sorry you had to deal with their high school bullsh*t.
I'm so sorry you went through that but it wasn't you. People like that have to treat others bad to make themselves feel better. I do wonder why the bride put you through that though. I'm sure she knew how they would treat you. Mean girls will always be mean girls. They have to be because if they stop people will see that they really don't have much to offer - at least that's been my experience.
I don't understand people who suffer in silence. You're not 16 anymore. You don't owe anyone anything. Kindness is free and if it's not returned, you can free yourself. Jane saw the cot room surely? Then how much a friend was she? She was ok with you being iced out? How great of a friend was she? I'm seriously annoyed.
This is ridiculous. I’m so sorry this happened to you. You need to stick up for yourself! It was sweet of you to keep the peace but you didn’t have to stay in the laundry room. You could have gone home and been comfortable and just not chipped in for the Airbnb.
I hope you know the way they treated you was awful and totally not normal behavior at all. I hope no one else in your life treats you that way and this really was a one time thing you did for a friend so she could have a drama free wedding. If you do get treated like this regularly, find more people. There are good people out there who show that they love you without a doubt.
Remember: you don't have to pay equally for an Airbnb when your bedroom isn't even a real bedroom. Good luck out there, bridesmaids! Block the group chats and save yourselves.