Bridesmaid refuses to dress up as a princess for friend's Disney-themed wedding. 'AITA?' UPDATE
When a bridesmaid was asked to dress as Princess Tiana at her friend's Disney-themed wedding, she refused—mostly because she (a white woman) didn't feel comfortable dressing as Princess Tiana (who is Black). This didn't go over well with the bride or her family.
So she asked the internet to weigh in:
"AITA For Saying No To Dressing As A Disney Princess For A Wedding?"
So I (24F) am friends with Holly (28F) who is getting married next summer. Holly has always been a Disney girlie, and I wasn’t surprised when she told me and the other bridesmaids she wanted us to dress as Disney princesses.
Holly is going to wear a huge, glittery, glammed up ballgown, and we’ll be in dresses that are more of a modern take on the princess’s dresses, but there will be text on the invite stating which bridesmaid is which princess and which groom is which prince.
There are five of us, and she wants us each in a different color, so she has chosen Ariel (pink), Cinderella (blue), Belle (yellow), Rapunzel (purple), and Tiana (green). She picked who would be who for us, and told me that she wants me as Tiana since I have black hair. The problem is, I’m white. The entire bridal party is white. You can see why I’m not feeling this choice.
I brought it up privately with Holly and tried to suggest alternatives for green (Merida from Brave or Anna from Frozen) but she shot them down (Merida’s dress is “actually blue” + she has no prince, and she doesn’t like Frozen). I told Holly that I will not be Tiana for her wedding and that I’m stepping down unless she accepts one of the alternatives or provides another. She called me a b**ch and a terrible friend and said nobody is going to care. I told her that I care, and I’m not doing it.
I’ve gotten some Facebook messages from some of her family/friends asking why I’m being so difficult and why I’m trying to ruin Holly’s wedding, and even a couple of the bridesmaids have told me to just “suck it up” because I’m throwing Holly’s plan out of whack. I’m standing my ground on this, but the pushback kind of has me wondering if I’m making something out of nothing. Am I the a**hole?
Most people didn't agree with the bridesmaid's choice. But some did point out that the bride reacted badly by calling her a "b**ch".
Here's what top commenters had to say:
From Prangelina:
You are entitled to feel what you feel, but does that mean that a black girl should never impersonate a SnowWhite or a Rapunzel because the original characters were not black?
They are not even real people, just characters. I think it is absurd to impose such rules. As long as you are not mocking anybody, you should be able to impersonate anyone you want.
From nmanda78:
I'm saying this as a black woman.... You are overreacting.
If she was asking you to do blackface or something else offensive then I would back you but wearing a modern take on her dress ..... You can chill out...
From Mean_Suit_9222:
I honestly think you're making it a bigger deal than it has to be. YTA
From SneakySneakySquirrel:
NAH. There’s nothing wrong with a Tiana-inspired dress on anyone, as long as there’s nothing weird going on with hair/makeup. There’s generally some leeway when you’re “Disneybounding” vs fully dressing up as a character. But the bride should really consider your comfort level.
Announcing who is which princess also strikes me as weird, and I’m a Disney girl myself.
Wear the dress or bow out, depending on how important this friendship and wedding is to you.
From Human_Dog_195:
Did you tell her that Disney Princesses don’t usually call their friend a b*tch?
From DohnutinNY:
ESH (everyone sucks here) As a Black female myself, I don't see anything wrong with you wearing a similar dress to Tiana. Now if you tried to act like Tiana or fully look like her skin tone wise, then yes you would be the AH.
As a Disney fan myself, I personally love your friend's idea, but how she went about it is totally wrong. And her reaction to you being uncomfortable [was] out of line.
It's late for this idea as you've already stepped out, but I'm for the idea she should let y'all pick the names of the princesses she likes from a bag (I agree a lil weird to not like Frozen, but to each their own.) If you don't like the princess, you should be able to pick a new one or ask one of the other bridesmaids to trade.
From codeverity:
Some of the comments on here are weird AF.
If someone doesn't want to depict another race, then they shouldn't have to. Period. NTA OP, please don't listen to the judgments you're getting. It's just uncomfy and wrong for her to be so insistent that of all princesses you have to depict a black woman.
The (former) bridesmaid later posted this update:
Thank you to everyone who gave me good advice and sent love to my inbox. Also, I bowed out of the wedding after Holly called me a b**ch and I will not be making attempts to rejoin. At this point, I no longer consider Holly and a friend and I doubt she still considers me one.