Bridesmaid asks if she's wrong to drop out of wedding for being fat-shamed after chemo.
What is it about weddings that truly brings out the worst in people? You could be friends with a woman your whole life and then the second they get engaged they become an unrecognizable shrew.
Reddit user u/NotForKeepsThrowAway was asked to be a bridesmaid at her friend's wedding, but when she got diagnosed with Cancer her bridesmaid dress size changed significantly. After being fat-shamed by her so-called friend, she dropped out of the wedding altogether.
Now she's asking the internet, 'AITA for dropping out as a bridesmaid after the Bride made me feel humiliated?'
She writes:
I, 24F, have been friends with ‘April’, 27F, for close to 15 years now. We met at gymnastics as kids and formed a close bond. It seemed natural for us that I would be a bridesmaid just as we had always planned. The wedding was delayed a lot due to Covid and then I received big news.
When I was diagnosed with cancer I was lucky that we caught it early so I had surgery followed by chemotherapy. April was supportive throughout all this, she made appointments for dress shopping to fit around my schedule.
When we picked the bridesmaids' dresses April said she would be paying for them and alterations, she said it was her way of thanking us for being there for her. We chose to buy mine a size up from what I wore because chemo could cause weight gain. Unfortunately, I’ve had to go through more rounds than first predicted.
Three weeks ago we went to a fitting and my dress wouldn’t close. I was embarrassed, I didn’t want to leave the changing room but April talked me into coming out as the other girls hadn’t seen me try it on and they were excited.
I came out and explained the problem to April, apologized, and offered to pay her back for the dress and to pay for the alterations to make it fit. All that needed doing was for it to be let out, it had been taken in at my previous fitting before I had more chemo.
The seamstress said that it was easy to do and that it wouldn’t damage the dress as we had bought a size bigger in the first place.
I thought everything was fine until we went out for dinner with a few of our friends to celebrate it getting closer to the wedding. When I ordered a pasta April gave me a strange look and then made a comment about how it was no wonder I didn’t fit into the dress and how I couldn’t just say the weight gain was from the chemo.
I was in shock about it and didn’t know what to do then when someone told her it was a horrible thing to say she started saying I would ruin her wedding pictures and it was already bad enough that she had to buy a size 10 dress just so I would fit into it and now her pictures would be ruined by a ‘whale who can’t stop stuffing their face’.
I didn’t think it was fair as I’ve been on a diet ever since my diagnosis to combat any weight gain from my treatment and I lost it. I did raise my voice, I told her that I can’t believe anyone could be as cold and heartless as to say that, and considering how she’s been there throughout this whole thing the only conclusion I could make was that she’s a narcissist who should be given an Oscar for her acting talents.
I said not to worry about the pictures because I wouldn’t be there at all and that I’m glad she can’t get a refund on the dress then told her fiancé he should just contact a divorce lawyer now to save time because it would be sad to be stuck with her then I left.
I’ve been told I was harsher than needed and shouldn’t drop out this close to the wedding but I don’t see why I should have to be there after I was humiliated. AITA?
I don't know why people have this obsession with the 'perfect' wedding pictures. No one cares. Instead of worrying about having cookie-cutter model-sized bridesmaids, you should be having fun and celebrating with your friends and family.
This bridesmaid is 'Not The A**hole.' Cancer or not, no one should be fat-shamed into fitting into a bridesmaid dress. I hope OP kicks this so-called friend out of her life forever. It takes a special kind of a-hole to body shame a Cancer patient. I have a feeling this woman and her 'perfect wedding' have some bad karma coming their way.
Reddit users agreed, 'No The A**hole.' They did not hold back on their opinions of Bridezilla either.
NTA. Fuck that, that's not something you say to someone regardless of cancer or chemo. That's fucked.
Bridesmaid dress sizes are always so much bigger. Idk why. Regardless, people should want their friends and family to stand up at their wedding for who they are not the size of the freaking dress. Omg. Cold heartless beast. Screw the wedding. NTA
NTA - This. It should apply to everyone. But, as a cancer patient, eff that. You need to eat enough nutrients to help your body fight and that definitely includes carbs.
The steroids suck and sometimes, there is very little you can do about it. You can diet when you're not fighting for your life. Or don't bother and just enjoy life
Yeah, I read this and was immediately so angry. WTF? That is just f'ing evil. That bride can just go to hell. She probably did feel really important when helping with the cancer treatments and such. That sounds like something a narcissist would get a lot of satisfaction from. What an appalling person she is. OP is totally NTA.
NTA. She was cruel and rude, and also very very wrong if she thinks a size 10 is anything like fat.
NTA. They are definitely not a true friend. Size shouldn’t matter. I’m sorry your being treated like that. Drop them immediately
You're NTA, for both your response and dropping out of the wedding. Once the 'whale' line came out, turning into a shark seems reasonable to me. And you shouldn't be in a wedding party with someone who says that about you. Tell them to have a whale of a time.