A newlywed was confronted with a weird request from her soon to be SIL, and neither of them are happy with the interaction. So, she came to Reddit to ask:
My (28F) younger brother (24M) and his fiancée (23F) are supposed to get married in the spring after being engaged for about year. My younger brother has always been the golden child between the both of us to my mom (not to my dad). Him and his fiancée currently live with her, rent free might I add.
My dad and I on the other hand have mixed feelings about this wedding. We both feel like my brother is rushing into thing's and not being financially smart. He just finished his bachelor program a year ago, is still trying to get on his feet and find a good full time job in his field, and decides to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding?
We sat him down and explained this to him and asked him what the rush was? Why not push it off for a few years and save up so you guys can really have the wedding of your dreams?
He explained to us that his fiancée wants the wedding as soon as possible and doesn't want to wait.
His fiancée's family is pitching in a couple thousand for the wedding, my dad reluctantly is pitching in a couple thousand as well (all important later).
Well, a few nights ago I'm eating dinner with my husband when I get a call from my future SIL. Convo starts our normal 'hey how are you?' 'sh*tty weather we're having' etc etc, until she tells me she has a serious question to ask me.
She asks me if she can use my wedding dress, that I wore to my wedding JUST OVER A YEAR AGO. She explains that she can't afford one herself, that she absolutely LOVES mine and that it would be her 'something borrowed'.
I immediately shut her down and said I'm sorry but no, this is a THOUSANDS of dollars dress we're talking about, that she'd have to get altered to fit her btw too, so no way. We're also not even close at all and barely talk so like wtf?
She starts begging and even starts CRYING and going on about how she can't afford one. I told her I'm sorry but no. She then starts going on about how I'm not even financially helping her and my brother pay for the wedding, so the least I can do is let her use my dress.
I told her the honest truth, that I think they're rushing into having a wedding and not being financially smart. She said she didn't care, she has a timeline and wants to be married by 25.
I basically said to her that she made her bed so now she has to lie in it, and figure it out herself, and if she can't afford her WEDDING DRESS then she shouldn't be having a wedding. Simple as that.
She ran back to my mom and my brother to tell them what I said. They think I'm an AH because I have the money to financially help my brother and his fiancée, but I'm being 'selfish' and 'unsupportive'. They also think 'it's just a dress so what's the big deal'.
My dad is on my side and defending me and is now thinking of taking back his financial help due to the sheer audacity of my brother's fiancée asking me such a thing.
Reddit says NTA (not the a-hole).
NTA. She asked and you said no, she should have left it there. I would have stuck to the “no, you can’t, no, I don’t want to lend it out or no, I’m not paying money for your wedding” I hate when people assume others have money and it should be spend on them.
She should look for a dress in her budget: thrift shop, online sellers, David’s Bridal. She doesn’t need a dress for thousands of dollars. I would keep it focused on it’s your dress, you said no and don’t need to explain why she can’t borrow it. Also, that their wedding is not something you should or will fund.
Or just...buy a cheap dress. I don't know why so many people get engaged and then immediately jump to 'the only worthwhile wedding dress for me MUST cost thousands of dollars!' when sites sell absolutely gorgeous wedding dresses that are very affordable.
I don't judge anyone for having an expensive wedding dress, more power to you, but...if you can't afford it, you can't afford it, and in that case there are so many other options that will still look stunning.
NTA. If she has to alter the dress the you'll never be able to wear it again. If you do lend it to her, you'll probably never see it again cuz she'll give the excuse that it doesn't even fit you right anymore. Do not let this woman anywhere near your dress.
NTA. I don't think she was an a-hole to ask. Obviously you're never going to wear the dress again, and it's not doing anyone any good just hiding in a closet or in storage somewhere. But she should have accepted 'no' for an answer.
Not even OK to ask such a thing.