"AITA for not inviting my stepsister to my wedding?"
thatgirlthrowa
My father remarried when I (25F) was 14, his wife Mary (49F) and his stepdaughter Kyla (26F) were hell in my life. My father is wealthy so we used to go to a fancy school. Kyla was very mean to me and I had a hard time to the point that I had to move to another school because I couldn’t take it anymore.
Once she convinced my father and Mary that I was pregnant, it was so embarrassing because I was still virgin, and yet, she and Mary convinced my father that I should do a pregnancy test. After it came negative, she told some of her friends at school, she was one year ahead of me, that I had terminated my pregnancy.
The bullying was non-stop, she would do anything to make my life miserable. Once she paid one guy at school to start a rumor that I hooked up with him during class. When I was already going to another school, she told everybody at my old school that I left because I was caught stealing at the mall and I was in a youth detetion center.
My parents had split custody so I used to spend one week with my father and one with my mom. After two years of hell, I told my father that I wouldn’t stay at his place anymore and our relationship was reduced to two weekends a month.
My relationship to my father was nonexistent during college days. He would send me money and call me once every month and that was it. I went to his house one or two times during my 5 years in college.
I started dating my fiancé Louis (26M) 4 years ago and I only introduced him to my father after more than two years of relationship. I am getting married this spring and we are going to marry atthe beach in another country in Europe.
Both of families are wealthy and we decided to offer the stay at the hotel to our guests and they’ll pay only their tickets. Because of that, we decided to settle on a small number of guests, around 80, and of course Kyla is not one of them.
The wedding plan started 3 months ago and my father knew that I wasn’t going to invite Kyla, however he flipped out now and said that I need to invite her. I said that I am not going to invite a person that I don’t have one single good memory to such a big day.
We been fighting about that since then. This last week he told me that I shouldn’t count on his money if Kyla isn’t invited and my mom said “fine, I’ll pay for everything then”. After that he said that he’s not coming to the wedding without Kyla and I replied “fine.”
My grandma and aunt are trying to convince me to invite Kyla for the good sake of our family, but to be honest I am not even sure if we are a family. Am I the AH for not inviting a person who bullied me for years for one of the biggest days in my life?
I just want to say thank you to everyone. I had a hard time and I just left that behind because I wanted to move on and be happy, but with all of your comments I started crying.
Because, you’re right. He never showed me love, it’s so hard to admit that your father doesn’t love you because that’s what parents should do, right? They should love you. I can’t answer everyone so thank you for helping me.
There’s a lot of questions about how much everyone knows about the situation. My father was up to everything and he never took it seriously. My grandma lives in another country and I don’t know how much she knew at the time, but she knows at some extent now.
My aunt knows everything because her daughter is one of my best friends and my bridesmaid. As I pointed out, my family is quite wealthy and they care a lot about family and legacy and those type of things that doesn’t make any sense to me, however it’s very important for them.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after hearing everything the OP had to say:
Dittoheadforever
You're NTA. I'm sorry your dad had spent 11 years putting your stepsister ahead of you. "My grandma and aunt are trying to convince me to invite Kyla for the good sake of our family."
Where was all that concern when you were being tormented to the point where it shattered the family? Did they ever suggest to Kyla, her mother, or your father, that she stop her atrocious behavior? I'd be ready to break ties with all of them if they don't stop trying to tell you to fix the family that was broken by Kyla, her mom, and your dad.
thatgirlthrowa OP responded:
My grandma point is "what will people think about a wedding without your father" and my aunt says that I might regret that in the future, life's too short, my father loves me and I'll understand and miss him.
Stranger0nReddit
NTA. Kyla has been nothing but vicious to you, why the fuck would you invite her? As for your dad, i'm so curious, is he aware of everything Kyla has done to you?
thatgirlthrowa OP resonded:
He was and he used to say "this is how having a sister looks like, you just have to prank her harder", he used to treat like some stupid kids fight and it was, I had to go therapy after because I was tormented about everything. His argument now is "Kyla is different person today and we should give her a chance."
Croissantal
NTA. This is your wedding and your guest list - your childhood bully shouldn’t be on it. Your father took a side by opting out of your wedding, you don’t need him there either since he didn’t seem to put much effort in your relationship the past few years anyway.
You can explain to your grandma and aunt the hurt that you feel (or don’t, you don’t really owe them that) because they should be lecturing your dad not you about keeping the family together.
It seems your mom is the hero in this. Focus on her, your fiancé, and the new family you’ll be gaining in this marriage. Anyone bringing their toxic attitude doesn’t need to come to the wedding or into this new phase of your life for that matter.
OP came back with these edits after reading the comments:
Edit: I just want to say thank you to everyone. I had a hard time and I just left that behind because I wanted to move on and be happy, but with all of your comments I started crying because you’re right, he never showed me love, it’s so hard to admit that your father doesn’t love you because that’s what parents should do, right? They should love you. I can’t answer everyone so thank you for helping me.
Edit2: there’s a lot of questions about how much everyone knows about the situation. My father was up to everything and he never took it seriously. My grandma lives in another country and I don’t know how much she knew at the time, but she knows at some extent now. My aunt knows everything because her daughter is one of my best friends and my bridesmaid.
As I pointed out, my family is quite wealthy and they care a lot about family and legacy and those type of things that doesn’t make any sense to me, however it’s very important for them.