Couple hosts surprise dry wedding on religious family's tab, guests walk out; AITA?

Weddings are usually full of food, champagne, and one person who goes a little too hard at the open bar...

Attending a dry wedding means there might be a mass exodus immediately following the reception and a sparse dance floor, but as long as the couple is prepared for that, then let the seltzer toasts commence!

So, when a conflicted groom decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about drama at his dry wedding, people were eager to help deem a verdict.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for having a dry wedding and not advertising it, also yelling at my in-laws since they demanded it?

I got married about a month ago, and we were able to go on a three week honeymoon in Europe so this was my first week back at work. This was possible because my wife’s family paid for the whole wedding, so we were able to use what my parents planned to contribute for the honeymoon, and then combine all we had saved with all the gift money as a down payment on a house.

The only catch is that my wife’s family are from an anti-alcohol religion, and not only said they would only pay for a dry wedding, but would only even come to NY from Utah for that. My wife was leaving the religion as we met in college and is fully out now.

To their credit the parents haven’t excommunicated her but whenever we are out there to visit, we fully have to play the part, no drinking no cursing, church on Sunday, and I sleep on the couch.

I’m not a raging drinker and didn’t wanna get wasted at my wedding anyway, plus my parents got them to at least allow champagne for toasts (my parents paid for that). We didn’t feel it necessary to mention this on the invites but apparently having an alcohol free wedding in NY requires notification.

Reception was at the same place as the ceremony, so as bride and I are about to enter, we’re in the hallway and I see my coworker and her husband making for an exit and we ask where they’re going as we’re about to enter.

Co worker was at a loss of words but the husband straight up said “heading out, kinda in bad taste not to mention a wedding is dry on the invite.”

Now we didn’t particularly care these two were leaving, but my wife was worried it was a sign of things to come. She was right and not only was more than half the wedding gone before cake, but other people expressed their displeasure as well.

So there’s two conflicts. First, my FIL made a comment about how disrespectful everyone leaving was, and that my friends and family reflect poorly on me.

I snapped and said it was because of the cult bulls&*t I agreed to follow, and that he should know going forward that my wife and I will not be conforming to any of his standards, and if he wants to keep seeing us, expect me to drink and speak the way I actually do in real life, and never even attempt to ask me about church. He said I’m way out of line (since he can’t curse) and stormed off.

Secondly, when I returned to work, I told the first co worker her husband was extremely rude and I didn’t want to remain friends outside work. Another co worker who stayed longer at the wedding jumped in to take her side, saying it was sh*tty I didn’t mention it being a dry wedding.

As I KNEW people would rsvp no, and that he definitely would have, even though he agreed the husband shouldn’t have been so blunt. I told him that we can be strictly work moving forward as well. AITA for all this?

Of course, the jury of internet strangers was ready to weigh in on this one. Here's what people had to say:

walnutwithteeth said:

ESH (Everyone Sucks Here). They offered to pay, and you accepted the money on the basis that you agreed to their terms. Getting sh*tty with them because your guests left because of a decision you made is ridiculous.

Your coworkers are AHs because you go to a wedding to celebrate the marriage of the bride and groom. If you don't like the way they celebrate, then that's fine, but you keep your opinions to yourself. Your inlaws are AHs because they insisted on this crap in the first place. This is basically a clusterf*$k.

Cold_Light_299792458 said:

ESH. Your in-laws suck for imposing their beliefs on your day and saying they wouldn’t even come to the wedding if it had alcohol (I am surprised nobody else focuses on this bit). Your FIL is an even bigger a-hole for having the audacity to comment on ppl leaving and pinning it on you.

The coworkers/friends who left or worst gave you bs for having a dry wedding suck coz it’s your wedding so you get to celebrate as you see fit. Doesn’t matter if most weddings have alcohol, you are entitled to serve tea and not give a warning if you feel like it.

But you also suck for blowing up at your FIL. You accepted his terms to take the money. You are as much to blame for the people walking out as he is. You are an adult and you chose to accept his terms, you don’t get to play victim afterwards. Again: your wedding, your choices.

waterbuffalo750 said:

YTA. Not for choosing to have a dry wedding. And not even for leaving it off the invitation. But for being mad that people left and confronting them about it. Part of having a dry wedding is that people leave early. That was a choice you made.

shaffe04gt said:

ESH - This is a tricky one. Not telling people it's a dry wedding is almost as bad as not telling people it's a cash bar at a wedding. Now obviously people shouldn't need to drink to have a good time, but at least most of the weddings I've gone to recently, people make hotel arrangements and stuff like that knowing they probably won't be driving home and just want to crash right after the reception.

Father in law is also AH for acting the way he did when people started leaving 'Friends' were AH for dipping out the way they did.

mad0666 said:

Your in-laws suck and YTA for even playing their game for money. You got a down payment on a house and a three week trip to Europe. What exactly are you complaining about here?

So, there you have it!

While the opinions were slightly divided here, most people agreed that this couple was wrong to surprise guests with a dry wedding. Accepting money from the religious family members in exchange for having a wedding on their terms would've been fine if he hadn't then blown up on his father-in-law. Everyone here messed up a little bit (except for the guests who bounced), but cheers (with water) to the happy couple...