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Couple tracks wedding registry based on income, 'small gifts are for poor friends.'

Couple tracks wedding registry based on income, 'small gifts are for poor friends.'


Most couples planning their wedding express nothing but gratitude when family and friends send them gifts for their home or honeymoon, but what do you get for a bride that is judging your gift based on your salary?

Gift registries are always helpful to avoid guests purchasing more than one of the same item, but demanding certain gifts and then acting surprised when opening up a present you specifically asked for rips the 'thought that counts' romance out of the entire process.

'Aunt Cindy has 3 beach houses but she only got me a plate for my wedding' is probably not the type of thought you should concern yourself with when celebrating your love. So, when an annoyed guest decided to vent to the gloriously petty and judgmental 'Wedding Shaming' group on Reddit, people were eager to pile on the shame.

Couple creates extensive registry. They're religiously tracking who they think can afford the nicer items on the list. And then being upset when they don't buy it. They sent save-the-dates 18 months in advance to snap at family drama. WTF?...

A friend of mine got engaged with a mission which is great and fine. I’m not sure what happened but I think there was family drama regarding the wedding date due to conflicting family events so they sent a save the date over a year in advance like 18 months+ and mailed them like weeks after their engagement and before they had a venue or other details just because they wanted that date…

Also they had a full registry on the save-the-date which I guess is pretty standard but it was ready prematurely so they started to expect people to start buying things. They never had an engagement party or shower.

And they were kind enough to add a variety of items on the registry. However they said that the smaller items which end up being less expensive were for their friends who didn't have much money, or had spent a lot of money to travel to the wedding and therefore probably didn’t have much budget leftover to buy a gift (somehow assuming people owe gifts even if they can't afford it).

Honestly they should have just left the small items off registry and saved for their friends who would probably ask what they needed maybe if they felt stressed about paying for a gift, or they should have just been assured that their presence is enough and not been rude gift receivers.

Then they got mad at family for buying off the smaller items in advance. Like great aunt Sue was sending over all the dish towels which is extremely generous of her and probably a very easy thing for her to buy and perhaps she thought that they needed it since they were planning on moving in together before getting married so a lot of older family members ended up paying for all the smaller items first/super premature.

The cheaper items such as kitchen utensils, baking sheets, accessories, container sets etc are all bought out and now the couple is mad because they said that those family members could’ve easily afforded more expensive items like a vacuum or pots and pan set bc they total of all the small items was $500 and they should have used that $500 toward a Dyson or the Staub pot set….

Now the 'poor friends' can't gift those things because it's out of their budget range. So now they are upset that they can't get gifts from friends who can't afford a $600 vacuum. All of this seems weird and extremely ungrateful. I literally want to get a gift off the registry just to be an as*hole bc I'm appalled.

Oh and they have cash bar at their wedding :) (not shaming the cash bar, as it is common but why have a cash bar and want your friends to travel far + hotel for wedding + pay for their own things that night AND expect low budget people to have $ leftover to buy a gift and be upset that they couldn’t at LEAST gift a spatula bc stupid aunt Sue bought them out 8 months before the wedding).

All this complaining about what guests should be willing to pay toward stocking their home full of luxury items and they're having a *hold the drumroll please* CASH BAR? That should be illegal.

Of course, the jury of wedding shamers was eager to weigh in on this disaster. Here's what people had to say about this unhinged entitlement:

LaundryGirl2 said:

A former friend of mine got married about 10 years ago and asked me to be MOH, and my husband was the best man. We spent about $3k total on our outfits, wedding shower, bachelor/Bachelorette parties, and travel. We struggled to pay that. We did not get them a gift, even though we did get something small for the shower.

They had the nerve to send us a 'Thank you' card with the message ' Thank you for attending our wedding. Unfortunately, it looks like your gift was misplaced. We look forward to opening your gift if you could please resend it. I wish I was kidding.'

I called her, and she was super entitled and said we should have gotten them a gift. I told her that their gift was not having to listen to me b*tch her out about being entitled and or friendship was over.

She wasn't really a good friend and was a bridezilla, so no big loss. She made me buy a $400 brown, strapless ballgown. It was so ugly and unflattering.

mishadog22 said:

As far as I'm concerned, if guests have to travel far, etc. the couple should not expect any gift. And people can still give gifts if they want; no registry needed.

okeydokeyish said:

If I get a save the date 18 months before a wedding, there is no way I am buying a registry gift at that time.

abitsheeepish said:

Band together with a whole heap of your family members to buy one expensive item. Like 10 of you chip in $50. Then see if she gets angry at just getting one gift from all of you lol.

Mor_Tearach said:

Registry gifts have gotten really far removed from original intent. 'Things we'd be grateful to have if anyone is looking for ideas on a wedding gift.' Also it was fairly unthinkable to put expensive items on them. I'm old enough to remember the question, 'Do they have a gift registry?' It wasn't this mandatory commitment to your wedding invitation. No one uses the word 'gauche' anymore. It was gauche.

Maybe 'What's your china pattern?' And add a piece, not an entire dinner service unless it was say THE family gift, you know? Just $ was also fine IF that's what you wanted to give meaning no one really expected that either. I liked that better. So someone ended up with 3 toasters, so you said 'Thank you.'

punitive_tourniquet said:

Apparently this isn't an etiquette standard anymore, but I think it's tacky AF to put your registry on your save the date or invitation. It implies that a gift is required in order to attend, rather than the couple inviting their loved ones to celebrate them. They are already spending money to attend, which may be a bigger sacrifice for your guests than you know.

Put your registry link(s) on your wedding website if you have one and be responsive to requests for registry info with RSVPs. They all understand that a gift is standard. Until pretty recently, making your wedding such an obvious gift grab by plastering your registry on every related communication was considered trashy.

Yikes...good luck everyone.

Sources: Reddit
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