'Am I overreacting for cutting off my dad and my boyfriend after I found out my dad gave him a car to leave me?'
"Am I overreacting for cutting off my dad and my boyfriend after I found out my dad gave him a car to leave me?"
I’m 18 and this happened a couple weeks ago but I’m still not okay. I was dating someone for a few months and even though it wasn’t super long it felt really deep. We were close. We texted all the time, called at night, sent music and random stuff.
He was 21 and didn’t come from a perfect background. He worked part-time, didn’t have a car, and was still figuring things out. He usually walked or got rides from friends, and he never made me feel like that was a problem. I liked him the way he was and how he made me feel.
But my dad hated him from the start. He kept saying I deserved better. Someone with a future. He thought this guy would only drag me down. It got to a point where he’d make comments even when my boyfriend was around, like I was wasting myself or throwing my life away.
Then out of nowhere, my boyfriend completely cut me off. No explanation. He blocked me everywhere. I thought I did something wrong. I felt sick for days, replaying everything in my head.
A few days ago I texted him from another number. I asked for the truth. And he told me. He said my dad offered him his car if he left me alone and disappeared. He said my dad told him I deserved someone better and that he would never accept him anyway. And he accepted it. He said he needed it and thought it was for my own good.
The screenshots are from that conversation. I told him he let my dad make the decision for both of us. He just said sorry and that he never meant to hurt me. But he already did.
I told him he was done with me. Forever. I feel like I never mattered to either of them. Like I was just passed over and pushed aside. And now I don’t even know how to feel.
Part of me wonders if he did it because he really thought he was helping me, or if he just used it as an excuse to walk away. I don’t know if I should forgive him or if this just proves he never really loved me. Am I overreacting?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Baby girl I’m so sorry, but I’m going to give it to you straight no chaser. Nobody that truly ever cared about you would throw away a relationship for a car. People deal with their partners family they don’t like all the time (unless it starts to affect them mentally).
Realistically in this moment you have to decide if you love or even like yourself enough to know you don’t deserve that . I love that you said it was over so I hope for your sake it stays that way. Wishing you the best and forget your dad and boyfriend.
It’s an early relationship and if the dad hated him that much then dating her would’ve been near impossible. She needs to get out from under her dad’s roof and get control of her life before she starts dating.
Seems like she lives with her dad who hates the boyfriend. Even if he was truly into her that is going to be more stressful a relationship than it’s worth. I couldn’t imagine dating someone long term knowing their family hates me.
In your 18 year old brain you’re not overreacting, but the reality is you have your whole life ahead of you. If the guy took the car, you shouldn’t want him anyway. I met my wife in high school and we also had familial issues but I never would’ve done that to her.
He let someone convince him that he wasn't good enough for you and accepted that as truth. He then traded you in for a used vehicle. Your dad was absolutely right. He saw the weakness in him called it out and your boyfriend couldn't even deny it. The fact that he had no fight in him to contest your father's argument is so telling.
If the dude left you for a car, your dad did you a favor.
It’s a really weird situation to be honest. I’m kind of shocked your dad would give him his car unless it was an extra car? In any case, if it were a longer relationship, I would say he definitely should have fought for you. Maybe it’s all for the best at this point. Terrible as it is.
I do see your boyfriend’s point of not wanting to go up against your father who hated him. Yes he should have not taken the car, but then what; your father still would not accept him. It would cause havoc and drama. Your dad does sound pretty controlling and awful though.
NOR. Even if your dad was right and the boyfriend is holding you back, he crossed a boundary by bribing your BF. That was a significant violation of your trust and it’s shocking to me that he thought that was a good move. Your BF, for what it’s worth, showed you where you stood in his list of priorities.
You may want to consider distancing yourself from both of them as neither have showed any sort of loyalty or respect for you. They have both acted in their own self interest.
Ngl ur dad is right. Ik it hurts so much bc he didn’t have a place to do this but trust me from one girl to another u do not wanna waste ur time w a guy like him.
I mean, to be fair, he's 21, no offense a dead beat without a car dating an 18 year old, the dad offered him a car to get away from his daughter. No one is over reacting, but you are going to get a better boyfriend after you get over the puppy love. You won't look back either, and he gets a chance to succeed with the car. It's bad emotionally, it's sound logically.