Dad challenges DIL's 'deadbeat' parents; 'she asked me to walk her down the aisle.'
"AITA for calling my daughter-in-law’s parents deadbeats and not stepping down in my place at her wedding?"
Educational_West_102
When my son, “Josh”, was 16, he and his girlfriend, “Chloe”, told my wife and I that they were expecting a baby. We were reasonably concerned and upset, but supported the two in whatever they wanted to do. They decided they wanted to keep the baby.
Chloe’s parents were not supportive at all and kicked her out of the house. We had her move in with us. My wife and I developed a close bond with her as we helped her prepare for the baby. After the birth of their daughter, “Brynn”, Chloe and Josh lived with us until they were 22.
As they were so young, we really helped a lot those first few years as they got their GEDs, went to trade school, etc. It was not an easy road in the slightest, but it made us all closer. I consider Chloe the daughter I never had. They are now 25 and Brynn is 9.
Last year, Chloe’s parents got in contact with her and said that they were sorry, they wanted to be in their lives, etc. Josh and Chloe chose to hesitantly let them in their daughter’s life.
They have definitely played the part of overcompensating grandparents, who try to pretend no time has passed. Brynn is healthy, safe and loved, that’s all that matters. They have been stand-offish with my wife and I.
I feel they are jealous and maybe insecure when it comes to how close we are to Chloe and Brynn. We’ve tried to arrange for times to talk, outings where all 4 of us can be with Brynn, etc, they always rebuff. So, we’ve settled to be polite and kind, getting along with them for Brynn, Chloe and Josh’s benefit.
Chloe and Josh have recently announced they’re getting married. She asked me to walk her down the aisle. She explained that while her dad is too, she’d love to have “her other dad” with her. I was touched. She has called me “Papa Sam” for a while now (and my wife, “Mama Carol”), but I still didn’t expect this. I accepted.
Now, Chloe’s dad is refusing to walk her down the aisle because I will. He says that I am encroaching on a precious moment between him and his daughter. I said so long as Chloe wants me to walk her, I will.
Chloe has said she doesn’t want me to step down, but also wants her dad there. I’ve said I’ll support what she wants. She’s remained firm that she wants to try to find a way to get her dad on board so we’ll both walk her.
Chloe’s mom said I should step down, because of course Chloe won’t ask me to. I made a comment about how then I’d be just as much of a deadbeat as they were for so long. This pissed her and her husband off.
My wife feels I’ve fueled this drama and I should just step down so Chloe can have both her parents there. I’ve said until Chloe asks me to step down, I won’t. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
blanketstatement5
NTA. He just doesn't want to have to explain to people why Chloe is getting walked down the aisle by two people and he's trying to blackmail with refusing to walk her down the aisle, and he's throwing a temper tantrum now that you're not abiding by his demands.
Guy like this will probably cave in the end, it's clear that he's the kind of person who cares a lot about putting on a good face, and it'll look even worse for him if he's not even walking her down at all.
Downtown-blueberry7
Exactly!!! You have stood up for this girl since she was 16 and I see no reason for you to stop now! You walk her down the aisle and keep being a strong, loving, male role model in her life!! NTA.
yet_another_sock
I could see how OP's wife would feel conflicted about the "standing up for her" part. On the one hand, Chloe is in a really stressful, heartbreaking situation. One could make a case that the kind thing to do for her would be to avoid a conflict that might affect her wedding, by any means necessary.
On the other hand — OP loves Chloe. Expressing anger at people who've hurt her so badly is not something one could call him an ahole for. And there are more important things than a stress-free wedding.
If Chloe's biological parents are really determined to spend the rest of their lives avoiding accountability, pretending they never disowned their child and grandchild — I think it would really mess someone up if they were expected to entertain that delusion at every family gathering. It means something to Chloe and to Brynn to see someone make another choice, motivated by love.
Badnotseemod
NTA- They are trash parents who do not deserve such a wonderful daughter and granddaughter. At the end of the day it is Chole's choice so you should always respect that. I would also suggest you be on guard as they will try to remove you and your wife's voice in all the wedding planning and will possibly try to agitate the whole situation seeking to have you removed from the wedding.
CuriousTsukihime
NTA - Chloe has said what she wants. It’s up to Chloe to enforce her wants and boundaries. Her parents don’t want to make a public display of their mistreatment of her. Well that sucks for them, should’ve thought about that before they abandoned their daughter.
Chloe is blessed to have you. Let these people choke on their shame. Congrats to your son and Chloe, as well as you and yours!