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Dad forces daughter to attend wedding instead of visiting injured BF; she's furious.

Dad forces daughter to attend wedding instead of visiting injured BF; she's furious.


AITA for cancelling my daughter's flight when she wanted to leave before my niece's wedding, that she was a bridesmaid for?

I know the title doesn't sound great but hear it out: My (54m) niece Taylor (26f) got married a few days ago, my daughter Vienna (27f) was part of the bridal party as a bridesmaid. This wedding has been over a year in planning and Vienna of course knew of her role and everything way in advance.

She's been hanging around a guy, Matthew for a while now but I don't think they're anything serious. Matthew had gone to a different state on a business trip and got into an accident, this all happened a couple weeks before Taylor's wedding. Vienna found out and had a nervous breakdown, saying that she needs to fly out immediately.

Yes I understand she was upset but she wasn't thinking straight, and unnecessarily worrying. I explained to her that even if she goes she has to come back before the wedding, but it'd be better if she didn't as there's a lot of last minute things. She didn't listen and kept saying she's going to go and probably stay there for a while.

Both me and my wife tried to explain to her to stay calm and she can go anytime after the wedding. She called up Taylor, my brother and his wife and told them she wouldn't be able to attend.

Taylor understandably didn't take the news well and his wife made a whole facebook post saying 'some people don't want to see others happy' and 'isn't it nice when family quits at the last moment'. She didn't mention us by name explicitly but it's obvious what it was about.

It pretty much caused nuclear warfare throughout my side of the family, but Vienna wouldn't hear it and booked a flight before the wedding.

All of our flyer accounts are linked so I cancelled her flight - Vienna went insane when she found out and we had a huge argument, and again we told her that she really needs to understand how big of a deal this wedding is as she's part of the bridal party, and some man doesn't overtake a family obligation.

I even offered to pay the extra cost so she can reschedule the flight after the wedding, but she blew up at all of us. Vienna did attend the wedding and did all her duties as bridesmaid (and thankfully didn't make a show), and all of us thanked her for understanding but she pretty much cursed us out (even my brother and his family).

Me and my wife tried calling and messaging her after the wedding but she's not picking up or answering. I do know that she flew out the day after the wedding so I really don't see what the issue is, but Vienna was clearly mad at us.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Jenuptoolate writes:

INFO How serious was the accident? Sprained an ankle or broken legs?

YTA either way. Your daughter is 27 and capable of making adult decisions. If it was a serious accident, you are even more TA for not “allowing” your grown, adult daughter to decide that taking care of someone in need is more important than a party.

amitheasshole8771 OP responded:

Vienna said before he had whiplash, some fractures and internal bleeding.

baconmaverick writes:

YTA, but just to get the timeline straight, her boyfriend had the accident a couple weeks ago, and your niece's wedding was a couple days ago, so your daughter could have gone, stayed, and flown back a couple days before the wedding for 'last minute things'? And to you this was unacceptable? Of course she was also pissed at your brother and his family, they were talking shit about her on Facebook

amitheasshole8771 OP responded:

That's the thing, she could've gone for a day or 2 days or whatever and flown back well before the wedding. She kept saying that she doesn't know how long it would take and she would probably miss the wedding. So what if she didn't come back in time, or came halfway through the wedding day. It would've been one thing if she was a regular guest, but she was a bridesmaid.

TheLoveliestKaren writes:

I honestly wouldn't even be surprised if we come to find out that they've been together for like 8 years and live together and bought a house together but just don't believe in marriage and never plan on getting married and OP doesn't like that, so diminishes their relationship as if they just met 3 weeks ago

amitheasshole8771 OP responded:

They aren't married, nor do they live together. She did tell my wife though she goes to his apartment and vice versa. We've met him twice, he seemed somewhat cold and distant. It just seemed like Vienna had fallen into the 'handsome and successful man' cycle and they wouldn't last long. (And it's not like she's unemployed or anything, she's also successful and has a good job)

Gangreless writes:

YTA and huge, manipulative one at that. First - a hole for canceling her flight that she paid for. Wtf. She's a grown ass woman and you have no business doing that and honestly it seems illegal, if not it's still grossly unethical.

'Hanging around a guy for awhile now' 'don't think it's serious' : It's not up to you to decide how serious her relationship with her partner is. It's obviously serious enough that she wants to immediately fly out and be with him after he had a car accident.

'she was upset and wasn't thinking straight and was unnecessarily worrying' : Oh, she was being emotional and needed to calm down. You also don't get to decide what her feeling should be.

Bride and groomzilla are also aholes. A wedding can be missing a bridesmaid, her role isn't that important, she's not the MoH, it's not the end of the world and it certainly wouldn't ruin bridezilla and groomzilla's bid day. Putting her on blast on Facebook is disgusting.

'some man doesn't overtake familial responsibilities' : What about when the family is a bunch of aholes 🤔. And again, you don't get to decide what 'some man' means to her. Honestly I hope Vienna realizes how awful and toxic you all are.

undeadcapybara writes:

This is another example of when a parent values how their viewed over their children’s (and in this case adult child’s) agency.

Even if she wanted to leave for all the worst reasons, she is still an adult who should be able to make her own decisions without you blatantly stepping all over her boundaries.

Judging by this post it wouldn’t be too far fetched to assume that minimizing, gaslighting, controlling and prioritizing your own comfort comes fairly natural.

Sources: Reddt
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