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Dad offers daughter $15,000 for wedding, takes it back when she elopes; AITA?

Dad offers daughter $15,000 for wedding, takes it back when she elopes; AITA?


If you elope, should you still expect wedding gifts from family and friends?

Part of the great exchange involved in weddings is that couples provide dinner, an open bar, and a fun night of dancing for everyone they love in exchange for a brand new blender, a plate set, and honeymoon cash. So, when a conflicted dad decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about his daughter's recent elopement, people were ready to help deem a verdict.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for not giving my daughter who eloped cash for her honeymoon?

My daughter Jane recently eloped with her partner of 5 years. My wife and I were excited when they got engaged to plan a wedding but she said she didn't want to rush setting a date or planning a wedding. This was understandable to us and we didn't want to rush them either, but we let her know we would contribute a set amount to her wedding when the time came.

Then last week she tells me she has an announcement and that they actually eloped together because they decided they didn't want the big event with all the attention on them. This was a little disappointing but we understood, she's never been the type to want to be the spotlight so while we weren't expecting it, it wasn't the biggest shock in the world.

What did feel like a shock is when she assumed we'd just give her that amount of cash straight up. She said they wanted to use it to take a month long traveling sabbatical/honeymoon.

My wife and I told her the money we were prepared to give her was for a family event, not just for her to do as she pleases. If she didn't want a traditional wedding, that's fine but we never told her we were just giving her say 15k for the act of getting married.

We just didn't want her to have to spend a ton of her own funds on a wedding and since relatives and family friends would have presumably been there, we were happy to pay for it so she wouldn't have to. 2 of my nieces have gotten married in the last couple years and its a family event to us, not just about the two people getting married.

This has caused a whole thing with her saying we went back on our word to her but in my mind we never told her otherwise. We did say if she wants a second ceremony/family event to celebrate but wouldn't be an official wedding, we would sponsor that.

If she had asked if she eloped or had a tiny wedding if we would give her some of it for a honeymoon, we may have considered it, but it's hard to know because we were never given the request, they just went and did their own thing (Which again is fine). AITA for not just giving her the cash we would have paid?

Of course, the jury of internet strangers couldn't get enough of this mess. Here's what people had to say:

jmgolden33 said:

NTA (Not the As*hole). Your expectations and conditions are entirely reasonable. It was unreasonable for her to assume that she could simply take the 'cash option' here.

myste__ said:

NTA.She used the situation to her advantage so she could go on vacation instead of taking the opportunity to share the experience with her family, and as said the decisions made are reasonable. But not to assume that her parents would be okay with dishing out cash for a vacation rather than a family event.

iheartwords said:

NTA Actually, a wedding is about the couple, but it’s fair of you to say the event would be so that the family could celebrate the couple. Your daughter is acting entitled.

Eris-Ares said:

NTA. You said you would help with the wedding, not with the honeymoon. There's a difference in spending so much money for an event a whole lot of people would enjoy than giving it for 2 people only to spend. She didn't spend a penny because she eloped, I'm sure she has all the money for a good honeymoon without you giving her anything.

phenomstar said:

NTA. Your money, your choice on how to spend it. You said you'd help pay for a wedding, you didn't say you had money to just give them as a gift.

LoveLeaMel78 said:

NTA, the gift was conditional (which it fine) your daughter made a lot of assumptions.

Assia_Penryn said:

NTA Your money and you already told her it was for a wedding that didn't happen. You're being generous about sponsoring a celebration still despite her entitled attitude.

So, there you have it...

Everyone agreed unanimously here that this dad wasn't wrong to deny his daughter money after her elopement as the conditions to receive his gift were clear from the beginning. Note to entitled adult brats trying to dodge a big wedding: make sure the check clears before you elope into the sunset and expect a free honeymoon.

Sources: Reddit
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