Dad threatens to leave daughter's wedding if she won't allow young kids in. AITA?

Posted by Throwawayunction-93:

"AITA for threatening to leave my daughter's wedding because of her rules?"

My (48M) daughter's (26F) wedding was yesterday. She moved back to our home state of Utah with her fiance after living in Boston for college and dental school. She does not seem happy to be back here and said that she only moved back because her husband's (28M) company transferred him here.

She knows that in our area, families run large. She is one of three kids only because my wife (47F) became sick after our youngest, but it is not uncommon to have families of 8. When she started planning her wedding she started worrying about venue capacity and having to spend money on babysitters.

For couples with small kids on her list she made it clear that she could not accommodate kids 4 or under at this wedding. That caused a lot of ire and we got phone calls asking why. My daughter's rationale was that she thought older kids would enjoy a party more.

My daughter's younger sister 'Ashley' (24F) has been married for 2 years and begged her sister to invite her husband's brother and his wife to this wedding too. Ashley's brother-in-law (41M) and his wife (33F) have 5 kids, 4 of whom are under the age of 4. When they RSVP'd they indicated they'd only be bringing their 8 year old daughter.

I know Ashley's husband's brother well as he funded my brother's new business and employs Ashley's husband ( my son in law) in a job that allows Ashley and him to be full time parents to their kids. However, that side of the family took a while to warm up to Ashley as they are wary to newcomers.

So the day of the wedding comes and everybody arrives with the kids they RSVP'd for and then Ashley's BIL arrives early with all 5 of their kids in tow. The nanny they have for their kids is not there. My daughter is angry when she hears of this and their explanation is that their younger kids were upset and they wanted to be in these wedding pictures too.

An argument ensues where my daughter says that they had on-call nannies and just for whatever reason decided this was the event they didn't want to leave their kids for. I look over and Ashley is getting upset and her BIL and SIL won't budge.

The toddlers are getting anxious and starting to loudly cry and I finally tell my daughter to just let them in or we'd be here forever. She asked why I was taking their side and I finally say that she either lifts this child-free policy for family or just cancel the wedding because I was done with her rules and leaving.

My daughter says 'Really dad? Way to take sides!' She then stormed off and there was a minute where she considered walking down the aisle with her future FIL. She ended up relenting but says her wedding is marred by this event. AITA? I was afraid that this would become this standoff and Ashley would face ire from her in-laws.

Comments:

Aunty_Fascist says:

YTA. She didn't want small children at her wedding. You chose to side against her and try to force the issue. You're in the wrong.

formidable-opponent says:

Phew, I'm glad you were better able to follow the insane chain of relatives OP gave than I was. Tbf it was hard to care enough about it while I was trying get to the point of the post!

OP YTA and so is the unwanted guest and their unwanted children. Your daughter did her best to be gracious and allow that family to attend only to be kicked in the teeth by them and you.

They and you, caused a scene at her wedding. Not her, she was simply trying to hold firm to a reasonable boundary during her wedding and you went full asshole and threw a tantrum like 'I'm going to leave, this wedding is over!'

You can justify it by saying you were trying to keep peace in someone else's family but you did it at the cost of the peace in your own family.

throwaway1975764 says:

Of course it was hard to follow, he didn't even give the bride-daughter a name. Oh but he mentions Ashley by name 9 times.

Obrina98 says:

Pretty clear who the favorite daughter is.

gertrude_is says:

omg! nice catch. yeah I think there's a reason she ran away to Boston and was irritated to come back.

LadyDerri says:

‘Toddlers were upset’ they wouldn’t be in wedding photos? Seriously? Way to show who the golden child in the family is. OP, grow up.

luvduvbunny says:

YTA x 10000. Child free weddings exist for a reason. The children, especially toddlers, get restless and annoying. You decided to side against her on HER wedding rules. You wanted to force her to allow kids there This is not your wedding. Did you read your post?