Destination wedding costs guests $600+ per night; 'bridezilla or bad bridesmaid?'
Being in a wedding is often an expensive undertaking, but should bridesmaids be forced to go into casual debt for one night at a luxury hotel for a destination wedding?
Spending a little extra on some rose gold banners for a bachelorette party is one thing, but requiring your guests to spend 5-star hotel prices because you happened to get a room block is some borderline bridezilla behavior. So, when a conflicted bridesmaid decided to vent to the delightfully cutthroat 'Wedding Shaming' group of Reddit about a bridal budgeting issue, people were ready for the juicy gossip.
Bridezilla or bad bridesmaid?
So I may have just witnessed my best friends first bridezilla moment, but I don't if maybe I'm the one in the wrong here. You tell me if this is as irrational of an expectation as I think it is or if I'm just an idiot.
So my best friend is having a destination wedding in at a very expensive hotel in South Beach (FL). Very shiny, pricey wedding. I am a bridesmaid. Everything has been pretty considerate up until today -- the dresses and shoes were moderately priced, we could wear our own jewelry, etc.
Then today. Oooh today. Today she texted me asking if I had booked the hotel for the wedding yet. I responded no, as I was waiting to here the final call on whether or not the wedding was happening (secretly really hoping it wasn't happening as realistically it probably wont be safe to have a 150 person wedding by then and I feel immensely pressured to go and not back out, as she has been my best friend since I was like 8).
Anyways... She told me that I need to book a room at their hotel under their room block because not enough people have been booked and sent me the link. Now, we had not discussed the hotel prior.
I was prepared to pay for my own flight and hotel to go to the wedding......until I saw the price. The cheapest room option for $649 per night!!!!!!!! This is unholy. I had no idea the hotel would cost that much as we hadn't discussed accommodations before.
So I texted her and profusely apologized but I couldn't afford to stay at that hotel. I found a hotel literally 1 block away for $180 per night, so I asked if it was okay that I stay there. It was so close that I'd still be able to do everything with them and not miss anything.
She was NOT having it. She told me absolutely not. I'm in the bridal party and had to stay at the hotel she picked. I asked if there were any bridesmaids that would be willing to group up and share a room -- she said no, everybody needs their own room so that they use all of the blocked rooms.
Apparently nobody is booking there...Gee I wonder why? I apologized again and said I just couldn't afford it, especially with the flights. She told me I was being a bad friend and that I should have never agreed to be a bridesmaid if I wasn't willing to 'sacrifice for her special day.'
I had already sacrificed first my planned vacation in 3 years for this wedding, as I don't have a lot of discretionary money. I couldn't afford to do both. And also, when I agreed she didn't have a venue picked out!
And once she picked it, I didn't know it was absolutely mandatory that I stay at that specific hotel or the wrath of god was going to come down on me!
I honestly don't even know what to say to her at this point. Was I an idiot for not backing out when I saw that their wedding was at an expensive hotel?
Or is it crazy to expect everyone to stay at a hotel that cost $649 per night without checking with them first?
Of course, the jury of wedding shamers was eager to weigh in on this inevitable mess of a group chat. Here's what people had to say:
Carrie56 said:
She’s a Bridezilla - bow out gracefully now - send a gift and your good wishes and breathe a sigh of relief...wouldn’t mind betting you won’t be the only drop out. No one has the right to expect friends to drop what will clearly be Thousands of dollars on someone else’s wedding day.
aroscoe said:
She's nuts to try to FORCE people to stay at a hotel that price. If she NEEDS her bridal parties there, she needs to pay for them to stay there imo.
DCAchele said:
Stick to your guns and just respond to her with grace. Less is more - keep your responses simple but firm. This gives her less room to argue. The dust will settle on this eventually and responding with grace will make it easier for her to see you were being reasonable when she was being crazy.
finlyboo said:
“Sacrifice for her special day?' It gets said all the time on Reddit: No one else cares about your wedding. 100% big fat Bridezilla. Absolutely unacceptable that she’s pushing you to pay that much and then trying to guilt you into it.
whybother1019 said:
I would definitely back out of the wedding. After the taxes and fees that room is going to be over $700 a night. That is insane. I didn't even spend $700 a night on my honeymoon suite.
Between the dress, shoes, wedding gift, flight and hotel your probably going to be spending like 2K. I know that when my SIL got married she wanted us all to stay at the same hotel because then she got her suite for free if all the blocked rooms were taken. Your friend is very selfish.
[deleted] said:
I dealt with this when a good friend got married in Vegas. I think the cost of the wedding neared 75k. They rented a big mansion, my 'share' was over 450/night for 2 or 3 nights.
I was told my share of limo etc for the bachelorette party would be another 500. etc. By the time it was all said and done it was going to be over $1500. I was making $11/hr at the time. I apologized and explained I just couldn't make it happen. I don't regret it.
kumf said:
Bridezilla. You are not the jerk here. $649 a night for a hotel room plus flight, dress, and other expenses is nuts. You’re supposed to get a good deal with a block of rooms.
Her insistence that you book a room as part of the block is suspicious. I’m certain she’s pressuring you to get a discount on her own bridal suite. Please don’t let her guilt you into staying at a hotel that’s beyond what you are comfortable paying.