'AITA for telling my cousin my wedding isn't child-free; her daughter just isn't invited?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my cousin I'm not having a child free wedding, her daughter just isn't invited?"

Low_Detail_798

I (27m) am getting married in the fall to my fiancé (25f) and we've decided that friends and family can bring their kids, since for the most part the kids are well behaved and will be with a sitter for the night so the parents can enjoy the festivities.

The only exception is my cousin Linda’s daughter Cerrie (12). Linda's entitled and selfish and she's made her daughter entitled and selfish. Two years ago my other cousin, Linda's sister Lily got married and Cerrie ruined the wedding by throwing a tantrum, and destroying the cake because she was jealous that Lily's daughter was the flower girl.

Linda recently called me up to "talk" and brought up child free weddings and how terrible they are. Her invitation said nothing about a child free wedding, it had her name, and her husbands name on it and no plus one or anything to indicate Carrie could come.

I told her I wasn't having a child free wedding, Cerrie just wasn't invited because of what happened at Lily's wedding. I don't want a repeat of Cerrie seeing she's not the flower girl again and throwing another fit.

Linda's since gotten all her friends and the few people in the family who take her side to bombard me, my fiancé and family with texts about how selfish we are for purposefully excluding one child while everyone else can bring their kids.

Edit: everyone keeps asking “why invite Linda at all?” My family is very big on “family is everything” “family first” and “respect your elders” if I’d not invited Linda and her husband at all the shit storm would be much bigger and the majority of my family would be calling me to tell me to invite her.

OP also added more information on Cerrie:

Cerrie is 12, and was 10 at Lily's wedding. I listed that as the prime example but it's far from the only issue. Cerrie throws tantrums whenever something doesn't go her way, which is often.

Karen doesn't do anything to stop her. For Lily's wedding, Karen told Cerrie she'd be the flower girl. And Cerrie threw a fit when Lily's daughter Emily was the flower girl and not her.

Karen did nothing to stop her from destroying the cake and after made excuses for her. Cerrie has always acted terribly, the pandemic made her behavior worse, if anything

I know she doesn’t have a disability. She takes after her mother, who’s entitled and who has ensured Cerrie is also entitled. For one, at Lily’s wedding for whatever reason Linda told Cerrie she’d be the flower girl.

Not once did Lily even consider making Cerrie the flower girl. So when she saw Emily all dressed up with a basket of flowers she flipped out. Karen didn’t pay for the cake and refuses to apologize to this day. Her husband did write Lily a check and apologized for the mess

Here were the top comments on the original post.

deleted

NTA, uninvite anyone that complained.

Disastrous_Cress_701

NTA. Cerrie was 10 when she threw her fit. Old enough to know better. So she's 12.going on 13 now with extra fun hormones raging through her system. Has she/did she show any remorse for her behaviour? Is that an ongoing issue with her throwing tantrums when she's not the sole focus?

Forsaken-Teaching756

NTA, but I would reply "You're so right, it was really mean to exclude a child from the wedding her parents are invited to. Therefore I rescind the invite to you and your husband."

BetweenWeebandOtaku

JAM (justified AH move). This shouldn't be funny, but it's pretty funny.

Thanatofobia

NTA. And if i was you, i'd uninvite the parents too. She sounds like the type to ruin your wedding out of spite, because you offended her "little angel"

And make sure the families know why. Tell them (facebook, whatsapp group message) why That she got her friends (strangers to you) to harass you over this.

Snippy2mysnappy

NTA. Your wedding should be about you. People who try to make it about them should be uninvited.. And it seems like you have a good reason and you already explained it.

Six months later, OP returned with an update.

Here's a small update in case anyone wanted to know what happened with Cerrie and Linda.

It's not that fun or exciting. Linda decided to boycott the wedding and got quite a lot of the family to boycott it with her. Me and my fiance got to invite more of our own friends to fill the empty seats and we didn't have the usual family drama that always seems to occur at events because all of the people who created the drama were absent.

Emily was not the flower girl, our friends kids each got a small basket of petals to throw around. All in all we had a great time. No tantrums, no cake smashing.

And we've not been going to family events as much apart from like Christmas at my parents which is always a small affair with only immediate family, so no Linda and Cerrie. Linda moved on from the wedding onto something else equally as stupid and insignificant, as has everyone else.

Cerrie's dad actually put his foot down for the first time. She's going to get held back a year for her poor grades and I think she's going to do some kind of behavioral therapy. I'm not sure it's all I've heard through the grapevine. Maybe she'll get invited to the next wedding if her behavior actually improves.

And while it may not have been the most dramatic update, the top comments celebrated a bit of satisfaction.

Jrm1102

Looks like you made the right choice - congrats on the wedding and glad it worked out.

Emotional_Bonus_934

What I never understood was why 12 would be upset at not being a flower girl when she has aged out. I was forced to be a flower girl at 6; my sister was 11 and too old.

FuzzyMom2005

Good for you for holding the line. Sounds like her behavior didn't improve over the years. And you had a stress free wedding that you enjoyed. As for those who boycotted because one little spoiled girl wasn't invited, well, I guess they showed you! 🙄

Grey-Canary

Can I just say how impressed I am with how you handled all of this.

It was so refreshing to see a bride -

See a problem for what it is and feeling obligated to invite a bull to a china shop.

Communicating honestly and directly when asked about it. No sugar coating or lying to avoid ruffling feathers only to end up turning into a bigger mess and constant stress.

Refusing to be bullied by Linda and the drama family members into caving to “keep the peace”

Seeing their absence for what it is, their choice. That has absolutely nothing to do with you. lol

Because of all the maturity shown above, having a great wedding with the people who actually care about you. Instead of a sad update about how what you were afraid would happen actually happened and it ruined your wedding.

You are awesome and congratulations 🍾

Edit: obviously NTA

BeardManMichael

Happy here this all worked out. Wedding melodrama is something you should never have to tolerate so I'm glad you did everything in your power to avoid it.

I hope that behavioral therapy is helpful in some sort of long-term meaningful way.