'Not subsidizing my cousin's all-inclusive resort wedding is stirring up drama.'

"Not subsidizing my cousin's all-inclusive resort wedding is stirring up drama..."

I just graduated college. I'm 23. This wedding is at a resort that charges 1.8k for a three night minimum (+200 for mandatory shuttle) if you don't have a +1 to share the room with. I don't. I asked around, but I'm one of the only single people there. The flights are 1k. We are a very tight knit Asian family, where not going is unthinkable.

But I'm still searching for a permanent full time position, and I can't afford it. I'm a paycheck away from broke (can't live with family). And my parents can't pay for me to go (they're not as wealthy as the couple getting married's family). So I said I can't go, and I was pretty sad about it.

This is where the drama begins: they're telling me to ask my parents to subsidize (um no?), their parents are guilting my parents about it, the bride (my cousin) is throwing a fit because I was supposed to be a bridesmaid (didn't know?).

So many snide comments about not putting family first at a baby shower (unrelated) this past weekend, and learning to budget instead of blowing it all on makeup (I was a MUA as a part time hustle). I asked the bride to help me cover it, and she said something to the effect of they're already paying so much, they can't do it.

Lol, I checked the resort they're using. 15k per event with 150 people for it all. I think there's like three events. I guess that's a lot, but I know 50k is coming from their parents not their pockets.

And then why am I being asked to pay 3k to attend a 15k wedding? Like I'm one kid still on my parents health insurance with student loans paying ~20% of a wedding event to attend the stupid thing.

I didn't even realize I was subsidizing their event until I got on Reddit, which only makes me angrier. F*ck this. And f*ck people who assume their guests are on the hook for paying for their stupid wedding. Tell me you don't care about me without telling me you don't care about me.

Later, they edited the post to include more details about the price breakdown for these types of weddings:

Guests pay for their meals and drinks and hotel (all-inclusive), so our per person cost is actually quite low. Like $10-20 per person per event for a catered multi course meal.

The rest of it is flowers, hmua, etc, fixed costs. You have to stay at the hotel and book through their agent (no points for you) to attend the wedding.

I sh*t you not. You can't even book directly with the hotel to attend the wedding. They do need to hit a minimum person attendance for perks like a free room for themselves, etc. Honestly, I saw it described as the MLM of weddings on this sub, and yeah that's about it.

Here's what the jury of wedding shamers had to say...

stormy_llewellyn said:

This is where you learn to set boundaries for yourself and help others realize that you just need to say no sometimes. Ask them how you're supposed to work this out on no money.

peanut5855 said:

I feel like if you have a destination wedding you cannot get pissed when people can’t go. Money, job, kids etc. f*%k your cousin.

iwishihadahorse said:

In my family, if it's a family event and someone can't afford to attend, others chip in to help. Especially younger members of the family who are just starting out. In your late 30's/early 40's you start getting side eye. In my life though, I have encountered more families like yours. First, I feel sorry for your parents who I am sure are a bit embarrassed they can't afford to pay for you.

But like I said, if your cousin and her parents really wanted you there, they'd pay for you to be there. Or she'd ask for you to be her MUA for the day for her or the bridesmaids in exchange or something.

Ignore their pettiness. They want you there for their own selfish reasons. You're likely just a body for the bridesmaid party so the numbers are even. They don't actually care about You. Family is more than blood. A family is made up of the people who Love you.

kdollarsign2 said:

I personally think it’s really tacky your cousin did not think to coordinate a couple different lodging options. I can’t fathom DEMANDING my guests pay into the thousands.

Not sure how isolated the resort is but surely there are cheaper hotels or Airbnbs in a resort destination. Anyway, I understand and I have also moved mountains to attend poorly planned family events. I’m sorry she’s doing this to you.

dsdvbguutres said:

'When there's a will, there's a way.' B*tch, how? Am I supposed to pull a casino heist?

jacksonlove3 said:

Don’t go! Ignore all the family drama as well. They’re a bunch of entitled selfish people by the sounds of it.