'Me and my brother will never be the same because of a fake wedding.'
"Me and my brother will never be the same because of a fake wedding."
Me (30,f) and my brother (31, m) have always been as close as twins. Our closeness is a foundation in our family.
One of the true consistent relationships- (obviously not in a weird way) when we fight (which is never or small fights) the whole family feels it and tries to fix it because of how unnatural it feels for everyone.
He gave me away at my wedding. I named a child after him. We have matching tattoos. We talk on the phone almost everyday. He started planning his wedding. He asked me to be a groomsman - while his friend (35ish, f) would be is best man.
Everyone thought this was odd because of his role at my wedding - and none of us really know/ have met his friend. I expressed how it hurt my feelings and was met with “my wedding isn’t about you” ok. Fine. I’ll do what you ask.
During the planning he called me everyday. We sent ideas. I helped with making stuff. I didn’t mind. I decided early on to not focus on titles but just to make this day as amazing as possible for my brother.
He asked me to be “flower fairy” because this was a gay- child free wedding. I agreed. During the process of dress / shoe picking him and the “best man” would shoot down all of my ideas. She would send very basic heels that were around $100 - heck no.
I told her my budget was $45 for shoes. Especially for plain gold heels. The wedding party all had very mean girl mentality. I felt it from day one. There was the wedding party .. and then me.
I chalked this up to not really knowing them well and proximity (all of them live in a different state than me) they even went as fair as saying the shoes I like were “to slutty” (they were the type of small heels that laces up around your calf or around your ankle)
After this I begged to come as a guest. So I could wear what I want and not feel this weird mean girl mod mentality from the rest of the wedding group. My brother says no way, I can’t get married without you being by my side.
I get to the state the wedding will be and the first day I’m there I find out best man had the bachelor party the night before I got there everyone from the wedding party was included aside for me. I let it go and focused on the wedding and doing my part.
So, I slap on some wings and dance my way down the aisle and give my fairy first wedding speech. All goes well. The wedding was awesome until- the drag show. Yes, they had a drag show at their wedding.
During the show one of the queens comes on and basically announces that this was all fake because my brother and his partner had gotten married one year prior. I turn to the rest of the wedding party and ask did they know? They did. They were at the “real wedding”. Everyone but me.
I’m sitting there trying to process and my mom (who gave them 3k for the wedding because they needed it) storms up to ask if I knew. I told her no- and she immediately switched to being supportive of me because of how bad the situation was.
It’s not about them already being married. They can do what they want. I myself spend over 4k on this wedding.
Because I was coming from out of state I had to get a plane ticket. I paid for a week at an Airbnb (one night most of the wedding party stayed at the house I rented because they didn’t have anywhere else to stay, and did not even offered to pay for any of it).
The dress for the wedding. The fairy wings I hand made. All of it. I spent to much time and money on this wedding. But then I start to remember all of the lies.
They got married… and three days after my brother was at my house while I gave birth to my last child because I always want him a part of my huge moments. He held my new born - knowing he had just gotten married and said nothing.
They gaslight me saying I was crazy feeling left out. Him saying he can’t get married without me. Lying to my face every single day for a year. Just … all of it.
After realizing all of this I tried to leave without making a sense. His husband mockingly asked me if I was mad. I said I’d talk to them another day and they should enjoy their night.
I was able to leave without anyone else at the wedding knowing I was upset. Before I could leave the happy couple pulls me into a room- my brother is crying saying he didn’t do this to hurt me- I keep it together say enjoy your night and we will talk another day.
His husband says “oh so there is something to talk about then” I repeat we can talk another day. They ask me to brunch. I say I’ll see if I’m up / ready for it when they go.
The next morning I realize the whole wedding party and some guests are going to lunch. I choose not to go because I am not going to put myself in a situation where I am ganged up on… again over my feelings about the wedding and wedding party.
After that I left the wedding chat on snap (which they were notified of). At this point, it’s the next morning and his husband starts blowing me and my friend (who was with me) up. We ignore and go about our day.
I have not looked at or spoken to my brother since- aside from short responses to get me to the airport the day I left. When I left, I asked them to crop me out of the wedding photos as I didn’t want to be associated with a fake wedding and I didn’t want a reminder of how embarrassing it was and how stupid I looked.
I told them I didn’t want to speak to them again … my brother says nothing and his husband says “your a narcissist and I feel bad for the people who have to deal with you” pretty sure narcissistic more aligns with tricking 100 people into coming to a wedding (some of the wedding that was paid for by other people) just to tell everyone haha this was just a giant party for us.
'Jokes on you' is probably more narcissistic than me reacting to the time money- energy spend to attend a fake wedding. But alright. Lol.
I just don’t know where to go from here. I have them both blocked. There is a line in our family. My brother has not tried to fix it. He has the chance to show me what I meant to him… he did .. and now I have to believe him.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Your brother is a d*@k for leaving you out and playing this trick on you and your family. I don't see any scenario where he could reasonably think this would play out well for himself.
Exact_Butterscotch40 OP responded:
That’s the critical part! How for a freaking YEAR did none of the people involved not stop and think… maybe this isn’t a good idea.
This presents like his husband was the one with all the ideas for keeping things away from you, and your brother was talked into thinking things were a good enough idea to keep going forward.
There's more behind the scenes information missing. Seems like he's intentionally driving a wedge between you, maybe over jealousy of the close relationship. Could be he was talking unkindly about you to these other people, and that's why at least the one was so comfortable being mean to you.
Next he'll have called you a liar for telling him there was nothing to talk about but wanting to talk to your brother. 'This was just her wanting your attention on a day that was all about us, she can't even take a day off.' Something like all this is my suspicion of how things were on the other side of this.
Came to say this, this was all husband idea. Husband is jealous of how close they are.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Sounds like your brothers husband is trash and well your brother showed you were he stands. I can’t imagine inviting all his friends but not you nor your mom and then lying about it so you guys could put money towards a party.
I know this must hurt but you just gotta keep going and heal on your own. Hopefully your brother acknowledges his doing and reaches out before it’s too late. You did nothing wrong.
Does your mom still have any communication with him, if so has he said anything about what he did and why?
Exact_Butterscotch40 OP responded:
Yes. My mom has spoken to both of them. She expressed that she was disappointed in the lies but that even if she knew the truth she would have still helped / shown up. But that she is more upset about the treatment I got and the relationship coming apart over this.