Man asks if he's wrong to not invite dad's wife to wedding because fiancée asked.

"AITA for backing my fiancée in not inviting my dad's affair partner to the wedding even though this situation is embarrassing my mom?"

My fiancee hates cheaters. I'd assume most people do, but she really hates them as her previous partner cheated on her and it was very traumatic. They had just moved in together and she was fantasizing about the wedding and having kids, and he blew that all up.

She has zero sympathy for cheaters. Her dad also cheated a few times and MIL keeps taking him back but it has clearly hurt her self esteem.

Anyway my dad cheated on my mom about two years ago. it was this big dramatic affair, him acting like an idiot claiming he'd never be in love before, and then leaving my mom. He is seriously a different person now, affectionate, he seems to have emotions, it is weird.

My mom claims she doesn't care. i mean I know on some level he must have hurt her ego, but I don't think she was that hurt or traumatized, certainly nothing close to what my fiancee experienced with her ex. My mom and dad can be in the same room, act civil, and neither seems uncomfortable.

Still my fiancee has a very low opinion of my father and hates the other woman. Note this is strictly about the cheating. She is not at all protective of my mom as they don't even get along. She decided she doesn't want my dad's new wife at the wedding. I agreed as her comfort is my priority.

We told my dad and he was furious and said he will not be coming. When my mom found out she freaked and said everyone is going to think this came from her and she asked for it. She said we had no right to do that and we made her look like some pathetic scorned ex. I tried to reason with her but she was pissed.

She accused my fiancee of being over dramatic and said we had no right to have any opinion on her marriage ending.

My fiancee got pretty pissed and told her it wasn't her wedding. I did feel bad but said my fiancee's feelings matter much more and she doesn't want this woman at the wedding. My mom stormed off and I feel bad.

My mom has invested a lot of time and energy into convincing people she has no feelings, and I know people probably will assume it came from her and i get she is humiliated.

Comments:

Old_Leadership_5000 says:

Elope. Only have yourselves, the officiant, two witnesses per side, get married and go off on your honeymoon. Problem solved; drama avoided.

After all, the wedding is more about your commitment to one another, not about who attends and who doesn't.

Classic_Power_5072 OP responded:

And then my fiancee is heartbroken that she has missed out on something she has been dreaming of since childhood.

RowenaStarr13 says:

Info: Do you want your father at your wedding? Because it sounds like you're only agreeing with your gf because she's your gf.

EDIT: I'm going with YTA. I gotta agree with your mom. Your fiancee is overly dramatic. Is she gonna go through ALL the guest's history to determine who's a cheater? Doubt it. Your fiancee's logic is flawed. If she 'hates' cheaters so much, then why is your father invited but not his wife? HE'S the one who cheated. Her cheating dad shouldn't be invited either.

Classic_Power_5072 OP says:

I don't really care. His only role in my life was paying the bills. He really had no role in raising me.

Kris82868 says:

I have to be honest I can totally see where your mom is coming from. It will appear as if it is her issue and not your fiancée's. Mom will be the one who looks bad.

Legitimate-Meal-2290 says:

YTA. Your fiancee is a hypocrite, why is your dad (the actual cheater) okay to come but not the affair partner?