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21yo bride tells MIL no kids at the wedding, readers say, 'what do you think you are?' +Update

21yo bride tells MIL no kids at the wedding, readers say, 'what do you think you are?' +Update


"AITA for fighting with my mil about not wanting kids at my wedding"


I 21F is getting married to James 24M in January since the beginning of the planning process James and I have both stated that we do not want kids at the wedding. This is where the problem starts.

My soon to be MIL has a large family with a lot of kiddos under 10. They are her sisters' and brother's kids, so my fiancés cousins. When we brought up the fact of us not wanting kids at the wedding she flipped out on us saying why wouldn’t we? Don’t we want to be surrounded by family etc.

She told all her sisters what we had said, which then turned into people harrassing me and James into having kids there because what’s the purpose of the wedding if we don’t want family there?

This isn’t the first incident of mom trying to control what we do. Either she wanted to make sure that people that neither I or James knows just because they are old family friends. We were bullied into not having a destination wedding because not everyone can make it and it’ll be our fault if they can’t go.

I have been trying to keep her out of the loop in regard to planning for as long as possible because of her attitude towards everything we choose to do. I have people telling me I “need to get over it and just deal with kids or whatever it is she wants” because she is still the mother of my soon to be husband.

There have been many times when I have even thought about not even having a wedding because she wants to treat it like a family reunion. So, AITA for being upset that she’s demanding we do whatever she wants?

Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's initial post:


NTA. You must have a wedding with no kids. Two reasons: First, it's the wedding you want. Second, if you cave at this point, MIL will control your lives forever. She will name your kids. She will plan their birthdays.

She will take them to their first Santa visit. She will plan your summer vacations from here on out. You and your husband must learn to say no! If you can't, your marriage will be intolerable and will end in divorce.


I double down on husband saying No, he should be dealing with his mother.


Elope. Elope without telling her you're going to and make a dinner arrangement to announce. Also definitely NTA.


Definitely this. Have the day you want with no chance of entitled relatives muscling in and spoiling it. You'll save a fortune and can have an awesome honeymoon at the same time.


No, you are well within your rights to be upset that your wedding plans have been taken over by your MIL. However, let me ask you this. Have you given her justification to think she has a seat at the "decision table?"

In other words, are your in-laws paying for the wedding? If they are, then stop that. Pay for it yourself, or cancel it, if you do not want to be beholden to what your in-laws want you to do with your wedding.

If you are not taking money from them, then have your fiancé be the one to communicate what you will and will not be doing with the wedding. If you don't want kids, do not have them. This is your day, primarily, and there is nothing wrong with having a kid-free wedding, if you so choose.

If your original intent was to have a destination wedding, and you were going to pay for that yourself, then maybe revert back to those plans and then all of your problems are solved. It may mean changing the dates and postponing a bit, but then the people you want at the wedding will be at the wedding.

With all of these suggestions there is one pretty important key . . . you must let your husband-to-be deal with the communication and enforcement of what you both decide. If you try to play that role, you will be seen as the problem. You have to be a united front with your husband taking the role of communicator with his family.

Two days later, the OP returned with an update.

"Update: AITA for fighting with my mil about not wanting kids at my wedding"


First I’d like to thank everyone for their advice although I would like to go back to the original idea of a destination wedding we already have a couple things that we would not be able to get a refund for or reschedule.

As far as my mil goes James and I talked about it and read a couple of comments together and realized he needed to put a stop to his mom. He called her and told her point blank “ No matter what you want we will not be having kids at the wedding”!!!!!

She obviously did not take well to it but eventually calmed down and said although she’s not happy about it she’ll just deal with it (lol hurts doesn’t it) Anyway thanks again to everyone hope this is the update everyone wanted.

Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's update:


MIL is just warming up. She’s not going to give up manipulating just for one ground-standing. She may concede the wedding, but she’ll come back stronger.


50/50 chance MIL will show up with the kids just to make them look bad or force her to do what she wants.


I’m way more cynical. I’m guessing 100% chance every single person who has kids will show up with them. Because “these two are so young they don’t know what they want/can’t tell us older family what to do!”


The groom standing up against his mother? What a spine.


Obviously we don’t know the size but a 21 and 24 year old paying for 90% of a wedding themselves is damn impressive, weddings aren’t cheap even if they are small.


They are 21 and 24...there are already kids at the wedding.

So, do you think the OP should have just played nice to keep the peace or was she right to finally put her mother-in-law in her place?

Sources: Reddit,Reddit
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