So, one of my friends from childhood got engaged and asked me to be a bridesmaid (we are 29 now.) We used to be very close in middle school and high school, but I moved away for college and I still I live out of state.
We stay in touch electronically but we only see each other once a year at the most. Anyway, I enthusiastically said yes. Well, last month my dad was diagnosed with cancer.
Since I told her, she hasn’t called me once to check in on how I’m doing or how he’s doing. He’s had 2 surgeries and just started a round of chemo and radiation. She texted me the other day saying “we need to plan the bachelorette party and figure out who’s coming. I’m thinking Cabo.”
I told her I was really sorry, but I have a lot going on with my dad and I can’t really think about planning a beach vacation right now. She left me on read, and the next morning she texted (this is verbatim.)
This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for me, and I need to put myself and my wedding first. I will always have love for you, but with that being said, I’m going to go a different way with my wedding party. I just think right now we both need different things and we both need to accept that and move forward accordingly.”
So like…. She fired me (and maybe uninvited me idk??) because my dad has cancer??? And she phrased it as though I was her employee and not her friend! And over a text, not even a phone call! Well, clearly she doesn’t think of me as a friend 😅
EDIT: (I’m on mobile sorry if formatting is weird) trying to reply to everyone who took the time to send their best wishes for my dad’s recovery, thank you so much ❤️ I’m overwhelmed with the kindness of total strangers. And I feel free knowing (as many of you said) I dodged a bullet!
Not a friend. Just someone you have known for a long time. And I would uninvite myself. Wouldn't even bother initiating a conversation about it. If she gets in contact again about attending I'd just say that you agree you both need different things.
That you have accepted you only need people in your life who are empathetic and show support so you are moving forward accordingly. Hope your Dad's treatment goes well - take care.
this is really great advice - thank you 😊
It's in tough moments that we find out who are our friends. When my grandpa was dying, my best friend (who was getting married two months after he went to the hospital) asked if I wanted her to keep me company there. I never forgot. I'm sorry you found out she wasn't a good friend after this. I would block her. You don't need someone who can't support you in your life.
Your dad is a once in a lifetime relationship, friends will come and go. I lost my mother in my early 20s and it rocked my world. This was a time that really showed me who the real relationships were in my life. I hope your dad’s treatment goes well and I hope you are taking time for yourself as well.
Thank you so much. I’m really sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine losing a parent at any age.
Block her. She is callous. You need to be surrounded by actual friends at this time.
Ya dodged a bullet with that dumb dumb. Even if you're invited to the wedding, it's going to be a NO with a check for $10 so she can't say you didn't give a wedding gift.
I’m just astounded by people tbh. And like the audacity to leave you on read and then respond like she’s a job rejection email?? I just don’t know how you can’t be understanding if your friend is going through something like that.
Like she could have literally approached it in so many ways to ask for minimal input or just asking if you were cool with everyone moving ahead with planning. It might have ended up meaning you couldn’t go or something but like there was totally room for compromise here.
Unless you’re the maid of honor and are supposed to be doing a lot of the extra stuff where I think it would be okay for her to ask you to step down to just a regular bridesmaid it’s crazy that she decided to kick you out.
Soooo many different ways this could have been handled. If the roles were reversed, I’d have talked on the phone and had a conversation and been like, “okay maybe I’ll have x help plan the bachelorette party and I’d love it if you could make it, if not I completely understand!” But yeah… the job rejection email response is what sends me 💀
What a selfish, awful person your former friend is!
I hope that your father has a smooth course and recovery.
Damn. My MOH’s Mom was recently diagnosed with liver cancer. I am definitely NOT going to make her feel any kind of way about attending, going above and beyond to plan anything etc.
I lost my Mom to Lupus and while the show must go on - I am NOT going to tell her how to live her life. Whatever happens with this happens. I love her and feel for her situation.
She was not a friend. Write her off and on her wedding day do something fun and post it everywhere! Have fun! Let her know that her assholish behavior did not upset you. Holy crap, I would postpone a wedding for a true friend. You will find better friends in life who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Prayers to your dad and family.