Bride's grandma passes on her wedding day, family scolds her for continuing ceremony. AITA?
"AITAH for not stopping my wedding after the death of a family member?"
RyoshiLiyan
For a bit of context, I have been no contact with my family. They were verbally abusive and as soon as I could support myself, I cut them off. The only family member I’m close with is my sister who is not no contact but also not close with my family. My family knew I was getting married that day because of my sister.
I (25F) recently got married to my husband (25M). On the day of the ceremony, right before the reception, my sister (27F) got a call from my mom stating that my paternal grandmother had just passed.
My sister informed me of this and I simply said ok and carried on with getting ready. As a duty, my sister told me that she needed to go there and support my father. I told her that was fine by me but also said that she should tell my family, if they ask, that I will neither be stopping my wedding for this nor be attending the funeral.
She was fine with that but apparently my family wasn’t. I got many angry texts and missed calls from my family that they sent from my sister’s phone. I was told by my sister that they were also berating and badmouthing me behind my back for caring more about a “stupid event” (their words) over the passing of a family member.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
GetOnYourKneesGirl
NTA. Why on earth should you care? We take your word for them being assholes and there being good reason for going no-contact... So what the hell is anyone expecting, here - informing you moments before the biggest event of your life, that something you don't care about has happened?
Dibbert22467
Exactly. NTA. Your focus should be on your important life event, not irrelevant drama. Boundaries matter.
Tight-Shift5706
Egad. YOU'RE ON YOUR WEDDING DAY! What did TAs think you were supposed to do--abort the wedding and the reception at that moment? That is an unreasonable expectation even if you were full contact with your family.
You could have asked your sister to give your father your condolences and that you'd be in touch after all of the wedding festivities--however I sense the reason you didn't is because you're NC and the family is toxic. Frankly, their responses toward you validate your deciding to go NC. They are toxic AHs. Good luck with your wedding!
me0wi3
NTA. Your wedding would've been well and truly booked and paid for MONTHS in advance. If they really cared that much, they could've put the funeral on a different day.
oldje908
NTA.It is a breach of trust for your sister to have informed people you don't communicate with about your wedding. If the death wasn't staged to ruin your wedding, your complete lack of concern about it is not a good impression, but given the history...
AlpineLad1965
Definitely not the AH . What did they expect you to do? Cancel the reception that was planned probably close to a year in advance for someone whom you hadn't talked to in years?
I wouldn't be surprised if we see an update saying that the grandmother didn't really die and that it was all her mother's attempt to disrupt her special day. I would definitely have a talk with your sister about not sharing information with your estranged family.
ImKiliW
NTA -- Your sister should not have told people you have no contact with about your wedding, that's a breach of trust. Your utter lack of concern over the death, if it wasn't faked just to screw with your wedding, is not a good look, but considering the history...
Your family harassing you after the fact is also ugly..... and, since you've decided to be NC with them.... what do you care what they have to say about anything. And, your sister seems to be a pot-stirrer, since she's reporting it all to you. Tell her you don't care and don't want to hear anything more about them.
Your sister is letting them use her phone to send you messages? I'd be blocking her number too. How much of any of this have you verified outside of what your sister is telling you? Have you looked to see if there's an obit? Something is fishy here.
The OP responded here:
RyoshiLiyan
Just a bit of info: I have blocked my family over all means of communication. I have mentioned in the post that they used my sister’s phone to send the messages and to call me. Thanks for your honest opinion. I agree that I should have been a bit more concerned regarding a death but I really don’t care because my family is dead to me.
DarlaVanserra
NTA. People that we are unrelated to and we don't know off die everyday, every passing moment. Multiple people that I don't know off died while I was typing this. If we were to stop doing everything and attend every funeral that there is we wouldn't get a thing done. You cut contact and she isn't anything more than a stranger to you. Congrats on the wedding.
The OP again responded:
RyoshiLiyan
Thank you for furthering my belief. I’m NC with her and thus she IS a stranger to me.