Groom won't plan destination wedding around siblings' schedules; mom 'blows up.'
AITA for not considering my family's schedule for my wedding?
My fiancé (28F) and I (31M) have been together for over 4 years. We have always been very vocal with everyone about having a destination wedding. We love to travel, and weddings in the US are VERY expensive.
We are paying for everything ourselves and receiving no financial help from family. All of our friends and family are pretty well off, especially my mom who owns a very successful business.
Last year I finally popped the question to my now fiancé. We were ecstatic and we started planning immediately.
For the destination we initially decided on my fiancé's hometown in Mexico. This is where the first issue started. My mom was questioning what there was to do around that area since they wanted to bundle the wedding with a vacation and she didn't see the location as 'ideal'.
Second issue was that it wasn't fair that my fiancé's family got to have the wedding so close to their home when my family had to travel so far. So eventually we scratched Mexico as a destination spot and went with a more 'fair' place where both sides had to travel.
We ended up choosing Italy (believe it or not Italy is surprisingly affordable compared to the US). Note: We are paying for a 2 night stay in our venue for our immediate family including siblings (I have 6 my fiancé has 2).
For the date, we chose our 5th anniversary which is October 2023. This date is sentimental to us and it was 18 months away at the time and long enough for everyone attending to plan their trip. This is where the largest issue ensued with my mom.
She was extremely upset and blew up on me (putting it mildly) because the date that we chose for our wedding coincided with my brother's (16M) HS football games along with activities for my other three siblings (14M, 7F, 7F).
They accused us of being selfish and inconsiderate for picking such an inconvenient date especially for my brother (16M) since he is the quarterback of his team. According to her, it was impossible for him to skip a single game or practice, leaving him out of the wedding.
They have threatened to not attend our wedding unless we change the date to summer or December to accommodate my siblings. If we were to change it, it would increase the cost for us and guests significantly due to high travel season. We chose this date because it meant something to us and moving it was non-negotiable.
My family still believes that we are targeting them and purposefully excluding them from the wedding.
This has been very hard for me since I am a very non confrontational person, but I am holding my ground. Everyone else is excited and very supportive. Over 40 people have already RSVP'd and started planning their trips but my parents have not even bought tickets yet. AITA for not changing my wedding date and by consequence excluding my brother?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Unable_Ad5655 says:
NTA! Your families come from 2 different countries. There is no way to accommodate everyone's wishes. You have a location. You have a date. If that is what you and your groom want, keep it. Just understand, some people will not be able to attend.
PS: Where in Italy??? I love that country. So much history. So many beautiful locations...
closeted-nerd1 OP responded:
Lake Como! We both love Italy as well but have never been up north. We are very excited!
TheGrimReader1888 says:
NTA. First, she wasn't happy with the location, next she wasn't happy with the dates. She sure has a lot of complaints about YOUR wedding plans. This is about you and your fiancee. No one else. They are CHOOSING not to go. Yes, it would suck about your brother missing his games, and I could see him staying behind, but the others? What exactly does everyone have going on that is so important that it can't be moved.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, and I hope you and your soon-to-be wife have a great time!ng. She wanted somewhere that could 'double as a vacation' as if your wedding wasn't enough of an event to travel for, and then tries to tell you what dates you are allowed to reschedule for? No.
This day is about you and your fiancee. If that date has meaning to you and you are happy, then that is all that matters. Don't change a thing. They are making the CHOICE not to go as they had plenty of notice about all of this. And if this is how she is reacting to things not going her way, then maybe this all happened for a reason.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, and I hope you and your-soon-to-be wife have a great time!
closeted-nerd1 OP responded:
Thank you so much! Yes, I definitely feel bad about my brother but my other 3 siblings would be able to attend. They are in a private school that’s really flexible with these things.
Interesting_Order_82 writes:
NAH/YTA. You can’t expect your parents to drop everything during the school year when they have school age children, to fly across the Atlantic for a destination wedding. You have to consider low attendance when you choose a destination wedding. I still don’t see how a wedding in Italy is cheaper than stateside. Plane tickets alone are $$$
closeted-nerd1 OP responded:
We paid around $300 for both tickets with credit card points. My fiancée also travels a lot for work so she has miles. We were getting quoted around 5-8k for the cheapest venue in our hometown without food, decorations, flowers, music, photography, etc. It’s also more expensive for her family to travel from Mexico to our hometown since it’s small and far from major cities than to go to Europe.
Total average cost for a wedding around here is around 30k. We are paying almost half of that including the 2 night stay for our immediate family (18 people). It just made sense for us.
books2246 writes:
NTA: Switch it back to Mexico. If your family is going to be annoying anyway at least go with what you want 100 percent.
Alabrandt writes:
Also, if you marry with someone from another country it makes sense to have the marriage in the country you won’t be living in. The partner will get to see all their family while you will probably end of living near the other.
Anyway, your brother definitely can skip a game. You know why? Because its a game. They’ll have to chose between a once in a lifetime (hopefully) event and a weekly returning thing. NTA, do what you want