Groom asks if he's wrong for rejecting 'controlling' parents' offer to pay for wedding.
Is a gift really a gift if there are strings attached?
Reddit user u/Ready-Beat-7892 is getting ready to marry his bride next year. His parents have generously offered to help pay for the wedding, however, their generosity comes with major strings attached.
Since they are paying for the wedding they think they should have control over every single aspect of the event, including the bride's own dress. Exhausted and frustrated by his controlling parents, this groom has decided to decline his parent's financial support.
Now he's asking the internet, 'AITA (Am I the A**hole) for being 'ungrateful' to my parents for offering to pay for my wedding?'
He writes:
My wedding is next year and my parents have offered to pay some part of the cost. I am 27m and my fiancée is 25f. Due to tradition my mom has offered to pay for my fiancée's wedding dress. They've also offered to pay part of the reception costs.
At first, both my fiancée and I were very grateful for their offer but after we started wedding planning we realized it was wrong accepting their help in the first place since they want to have the first and the last word on everything and barely leave us room to make our own decisions because 'we are paying too so we are having it our way.'
The thing is they're not the only ones paying. We are too and it's our wedding after all, yet they won't let us have any input. Whenever we suggest anything different than what they like they threaten to pull away their contribution unless we do as they say.
When my fiancée started going wedding dress shopping my mom was mad that my fiancée wouldn't pick a vintage second-hand wedding dress and wanted a new one. When I told her she's the one who'll wear the dress, so she's the only one who has a say on what kind of dress she'll get my mom said, 'I'm paying for that thing, so no she's not the only one who decides'.
For the reception they wanted us to cut down our own guest list so they could invite more of their friends. Again their argument 'we are paying so you either do as we say or we pull away the money.'
My fiancée and I even tried to compromise with them, yet they didn't accept any alternative they were not fond of. After one month and a half of wedding planning my fiancée snapped and said she'd rather get married and have a reception at Burger King than have my parents dictate our entire wedding using their money as a means to control us. And she was right.
I told my parents to keep their money and how we don't want their contribution if it comes with so many terms and conditions. My parents called me and my fiancée ungrateful for rejecting their offer and how we a spoiled couple.
I told them that I'd rather be ungrateful then. But how I don't appreciate the fact that they only offered to pay in order to have full control. They should pay because they wanted to help us out from the bottom of their heart, not to have us as pawns.
My mom and dad have since exposed our business to many relatives and now everyone says how ungrateful we are and how only someone spoilt and an AH would reject an offer like that and not accept to make some sacrifices.
This groom's parents sound demanding, controlling, and exhausting, to be honest. I don't blame this couple for wanting to do things their own way on their wedding day. It's smart they are setting boundaries now before they have kids and their parents try to control that too. Free money sounds great, but not if it comes with so many strings attached. I guess that's why they say 'there's no such thing as a free lunch.'
Reddit users agreed that this groom is NOT 'The A**hole' for standing up to his controlling parents. With all of this wedding drama, it sounds like this couple might be better off if they just elope.
NTA. Helping people doesn't entitle you to be shitty to them and more people need to realize it.
NTA. They kept threatening to pull the funding. All you really had to say was 'the 6th time you threatened to pull funding because we didn't want to do something your way, we got the message that you didn't want to contribute. This way you don't have to stress about any of the details and can just enjoy it as guests'.
NTA. Your wedding, your choice. I would have told my parents that if they wanted a do-over, they could renew their vows.
NTA. They were using their contribution to the wedding as a way to control it, and now that control is rightfully back in your hands.
NTA. Good job for standing up for yourself and your fiancee. Your parents are entitled and delusional. If they want everything their way, then they should have a wedding of their own. Do the wedding as you and your fiancee want to, no one else.
NTA it is your wedding, so your and your fiancées ideas should matter. You can consider others' ideas, but they shouldn't be required and especially not tied to money.
NTA. OP, That is your wedding, not your parents' wedding. Your parents are making your wedding a battlefield instead of focusing on your and your fiancee's happiness.