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Groomsman drops out because couple doesn't think 'weddings are for babies;' AITA?

Groomsman drops out because couple doesn't think 'weddings are for babies;' AITA?


The debate surrounding child-free weddings has been ending friendships and stirring up family feuds for years...

So, when a conflicted former groomsman and new dad decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about his newborn son, people were eager to hear the juicy gossip.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for dropping out of a wedding party because the bride and groom won't let my wife attend with our newborn?

I (34/M) was supposed to be a groomsman in a wedding for 2 close friends, but I recently backed out 2 weeks before the scheduled ceremony because the bride and groom do not wish for my wife to attend with our son.

My wife gave birth to our first child 3 months ago and has been recovering at home while also looking after our son (I stayed home the first month and half with her, but had to return to work due to my paternity leave ending).

The couple getting married are close friends of both my wife and I and we have known them as well as the others groomsmen and bridesmaids for years. My wife was even supposed to be in the wedding party before she found out she was pregnant.

The soon-to-be bride and groom had been very gracious and patient with mine and my wife's schedule leading up to the wedding and I have tried to be fair and contribute as much as the others.

My wife was very excited to attend the wedding and we had been planning on bringing our son as my wife and I are not yet comfortable leaving him yet.

I didn't think this would be a problem because this wasn't a child free wedding, but recently both the bride and groom reached out to me to 'request' my wife and I leave our son and not bring him to the wedding.

I explained that we were not comfortable leaving him, specifically my wife, and the bride and groom suggested my wife not attend the wedding at all if she was not comfortable leaving our son yet.

I told them I thought this was unfair considering other people in the party would be bringing their children but they said they singled us out because they don't think 'weddings are for babies' and they also are worried about disruptions during the ceremony.

I told them that if my wife and son weren't welcomed then I would not be attending. Now the bride and groom are claiming I have disrupted everything and I even have other friends who are also a part of the party reaching out to both me and my wife for us to resolve this issue. I don't plan on changing my mind because my wife was so excited to attend the wedding and I feel we were unfairly singled out.

(Additional info: no the bride and groom did not address this with us until very recently and when I brought this up with them they said it was because they didn't think we would be planning on bringing our son because we didn't tell them we would.)

(and also because of a conversation the bride claims to have had with my wife a month ago where the bride claims my wife said we would not be bringing him, but my wife says she told the bride that we were not sure yet if we would be bringing him and again during this conversation the bride did not mention a no baby rule.)

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say:

Sk111W said:

Babies can be disruptive to weddings so it's not unreasonable for them to ask for none to attend. For you and your wife of course the baby is priority number 1 so there's nothing wrong with not attending because you can't bring him.

Either side could potentially be an AH if you don't respect the other parties decision and let this build into a dispute.

[deleted] said:

Let me give you a pro-tip for social situations. Not on the invitation = not invited. For weddings that allow children, those children will usually be mentioned on the invite. For example: ' Mr. and Mrs. John Doe and Family' or just 'The Doe Family.'

A guest must ALWAYS ask the host if they want to bring a person who was not included in the invitation, regardless of the age or situation of that person. YOU CAN NEVER ASSUME SOMEONE IS INCLUDED IN YOUR INVITATION UNLESS IT SAYS SO.

iwillsitonyou123 said:

You're well within your right to not attend if your wife and son can't, but they're also well within their right to decide who does and doesn't attend their wedding.

Where I say YTA is because you're essentially throwing a hissyfit assuming you're being singled out (you're not, you're probably the only ones with a baby).

Your wife not being able to leave your son is her problem and yours, not the bride and groom's, so YTA for expecting that everyone will accommodate you and your wife because you can't leave your kid with a grandparent for an evening.

I spent whole days/evenings babysitting my niece and nephew when they were younger than that, even though my sister was breastfeeding at the time, she left me formula.

You also should have checked all this more than 2 weeks ahead of time instead of, again, assuming everyone would accommodate you and then flipping out when they won't.

[deleted] said:

I'll give you a NTA because the couple is now blowing this up. If they had just asked, you complied by dropping out, and they said they understood, it would be a NAH. Realistically they should have brought this up with you ages ago. They knew you'd have a newborn around the time of the wedding.

Honestly, I commend you for choosing to stay with your wife. I'm sure she's tired and you deciding to sit it out with her will probably make her feel less isolated.

As someone who had a newborn totally screech during the first few minutes of my wedding ceremony (could hear her the entire time the parent was walking away with her) I do get not wanting babies at a wedding.

[deleted] said:

YTA. Even if there are kids there, weddings are not the place to bring a freakin' newborn. They baby wasn't invited, so you thinking you could bring them is unreasonable.

So, there you have it...

While the opinions were generally mixed here, most people agreed that this ex-groomsman and his wife shouldn't have expected that they could bring a newborn baby to a wedding. Even when a wedding isn't strictly child-free, most people don't want a screaming infant in the background of their vows. Good luck, everyone!

Sources: Reddit
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