"I never want to be a bridesmaid again."
Buckle in. It's a long story, full of chaos and cringe. The first red flag was that the bride asked me to be her bridesmaid via text: "hey girl I just literally need one more bridesmaid and I was wondering if you could be one?"
I've seen the bride maybe ten times in my life. I know her through my husband, who is close with the groom. The bride always came off as young and naive (she's a 25yo wannabe influencer who has never had a job) but nice. I thought maybe it could be fun. I've since learned to have more respect for my own time and energy.
The groom is in his 30s and very extroverted with a lot of real friendships. He had 12 groomsmen including my husband. The bride felt obligated to match, so she started asking people who she didn't know very well. One of the bridesmaids told her "nice to meet you" during the wedding weekend.
She started a group chat with all bridesmaids 6 months out. Everything was in the chat. There was never an email or centralized doc with important info. Everything - bridesmaid dress info, rehearsal times, choreography for 2 dances we were required to learn - it all came scattered in texts.
At some point in the group chat, she openly roasted someone for buying a bridesmaid dress that was "giving funeral." She found hair/makeup artists for girls who wanted to pay for it, but didn't tell us until a week out that those services would start at 6:30am. (There was no schedule - I guess she just expected us to all arrive at 6:30am and wait our turn.)
The MOH had an idea to get her bridal gifts from all of us. It was $200+ worth of gifts that we agreed on. I purchased them thinking I'd get paid back by the others. On top of this, my husband, a generous golden retriever, gifted the bride over $1000 to help the bridesmaids with their dresses since most of the ladies were young and he didn't want the bride to worry about not being able to have her dream wedding.
Two weeks out from the wedding, the bride sent us bridesmaids a five paragraph text about how she didn't feel appreciated. I guess a bridesmaid texted her something rude? She said we should feel grateful and honored that we get to be a bridesmaid.
She said she's not asking for much - some brides make their bridesmaids lose weight and go on diets. It felt like a slap in the face, but I tried to remember that her text probably wasn't directed at me.
The evening before the wedding, the couple held a casual welcome event. The groom was there. She herself skipped the event and went to watch a show later with the groom at 9pm. Yes, the night before their wedding.
The wedding day was a disaster. Photos were to start at 1pm. I did my own hair and makeup so I arrive at 12:45pm, super stressed about running tight. I walk into the bridal suite... half the ladies don't have their hair or makeup done. Including the bride.
Everyone just got there at 8am or 9am or whenever the hell they wanted. (Only 1 person got there at 6:30am. The true friend who got roasted about having a funeral dress.) No one seems concerned. They're just sitting around waiting their turn for the 1 single makeup artist. The bride is stressed and ignores us all.
Eventually everyone is done. At this point, the bride is understandably very stressed. Although we're 2 hours behind schedule, she prioritizes filming a TikTok video with all of us.
Then the gifts we bought her are quickly pulled out of the gift bag, and she poses with them for the camera without actually looking at any of them. She later dumps all the gifts out so she can use the gift bag as a carrier for some of her stuff.
It's now 30 minutes out from the ceremony start time. People are arriving. She's putting on her jewelry and feels like there are too many bridesmaids in the room so she tells us all to leave. She calls us back for a "first look" video where she turns around in her dress and we all fawn over her. Once we get the shot, we leave the room again.
The ceremony is 45 minutes late which I guess at this point is fine. It's a somewhat religious ceremony and takes over 30 minutes. Our feet are killing us. She reads her vows off of her phone.
At this point it's 5pm and we're all starving. (There were no snacks in the bridal suite.) I'm super hangry and nibbling on cocktail hour food, when I'm summoned for more content creation. I regret everything and feel like a photo prop.
Later that evening, dinner was served at 9pm, ~after~ the first dance and speeches. It was a buffet line and it took an hour for everyone to get their food. Ultimately, I just felt used.
The sad part is - I don't think the bride had any fun at her wedding. All her smiles were strained. She had high expectations from TikTok but none of the planning to back it up. The whole day was like seeing someone shoot themselves repeatedly in the foot then cry about how they got shot in the foot.
But of course, she'll go on TikTok to her 500 followers and talk about it as if it was the best day of her life. She will perpetuate the gap between social media vs reality, of which she herself was a victim.
Half the girls haven't paid me for their portion of the gift, and I truly don't think they will. I reminded them once and don't intend to chase it down. I believe in karma and shaming them on reddit as a comeback.
edit to clarify: there was such a huge gap before dinner partly because the reception was at a different venue 35 min away from the ceremony venue. (There were shuttles for the guests. No it did not drop the off at the reception venue. It dropped them off 10 min away. Obviously.)
edit to add: the 1k gift from my husband seems weird but is on brand for him. He's almost like a brother to the groom and saw it as a 'wedding gift'... I guess the logic is that it supports their wedding vision without them having to stress about the bridesmaids affording the dresses.
Obviously the logic is flawed but it was meant as a show of support. The bride at one point did acknowledge this in the group chat and people thanked us over text and in person. Also considering I haven't been paid 20 bucks by half the ladies, money might be a bigger factor than I thought.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
That's a lot of yikes!
She READ her VOWS off of her PHONE?!
ImpressiveEffort123 (OP)
RIGHT? None of the bridesmaids blinked an eye so I thought I was just being an old millennial for not understanding.
Edit to add: I see now that this is a controversial topic lol. I’m probably a snob. To each their own. But kind of incongruous to remind us all to shave / encourage us to wear spanx / say you’re going to do “nail inspection” to day of… and then whip out your phone for the vows.
Wow, I am really sorry. You would think as a content creator, she would have some knowledge of how to schedule things. But again, I guess it doesn’t take that long to plan things out for TikTok.
I have been a bridesmaid 5x and probably have 1 more to go. Sometimes the emphasis is really on MAID. In one instance I was friends with the bride for 5 years and never spoke to her again after her wedding.
The moment someone asks me to do a choreographed dance I am out.