I (F24) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 3 years. We had planned to move in together once we both had jobs ( we were studying before this). He got a job around two months back.
My family is very traditional. They had issues with us moving in together before marriage. But we wanted to live together a few years before getting married. The only compromise we could reach was to have a engagement and party in lieu of wedding.`
We found an apartment and they wanted us to move in quickly and so the engagement was also hence expedited. My party is planned for next week, everything is booked. I am an only child and my parents are extremely scared of dying without seeing my wedding, so this party is important to them and will be huge.
My cousin had her wedding planned for a long time. We were waiting for her brother, who works abroad to get leave to decide a date. He informed a week ago that he will be coming in 10 days and will have a 30 day leave.
The problem is it is hard to find a good venue and make all arrangements within these few days. She asked if I could give her my party to hold her wedding. She also said that she and her parents will pay for it.
I said no. I planned every aspect of this party tailored to my visions. Its going to be huge. If I hand it over, I can't plan something like this without it seeming like a copy. And then it won't be the same. Also, our apartment lease starts tomorrow. The longer we push it, the longer we are wasting money. In addition to all this, I don't want to wait any longer.
She got mad at me for refusing, saying that a wedding is more important than an engagement party. She says that I am younger than her and can wait longer for a party. I said this is important to my family. I am sorry she didn't have much time to plan a wedding, but I don't want to sacrifice my day. Her parents asked mine as well and they said the same as I did. Sorry but no.
Now her entire family is mad at me saying my party is going go overshadow her's and I am a selfish, cold hearted person. AITA?
NTA. How convenient her brother's leave coincided with your party's date. So very convenient. If this was so fast, they could grab any number of smaller venues. If there's a lot of people coming, there's no way this was short notice.
Yes, extremely convenient. NTA
Yea, this would be a nope from me. Quite honestly the math is not mathing. She wants to hijack your event and is likely jealous that you have something so beautiful planned and she never had her reception.
NTA. Stand your ground. She can plan a smaller scale event if it has to happen while her brother is here or they can do a small dinner while the brother is here and plan a larger reception at a later date. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
Convenient timing or no, real or fabricated in the hopes of getting what they want, none of this matters. What matters is that OP had planned something, paid money for it, put energy and time into making it into everything she desired...and cousin wanted to take it for herself.
Cousin asked, OP said no. The family wants OP to have the party and ALSO told cousin no. End of story. Sorry you can't have a big bash but it literally is not OPs problem in the slightest. NTA.
Agreed. What is the saying…poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine. Just because the cousin’s brother told them last minute is not OP’s problem. It is not only preposterous but also entitled for cousin to think it was ok to even make the ask.
Meaning he waited so long because the brother doesn't care if he's at the wedding or not. Likely it's the parents or the sister who care the most. Also it's annoying that OP said no so they tried to go around her to her parents. So disgusting.
There's no way they were going to pay for anything, they wanted a free wedding.
"Now her entire family is mad at me saying my party is going go overshadow hers and I am a selfish cold hearted person."
It's not a competition.
"Problem is it is hard to find a good venue and make all arrangements within these few days."
That is not your problem to fix for her.
NTA. It’s not reasonable to expect you to accommodate their plans for a wedding in 10 days.