Woman asks if she's wrong to withdraw marriage proposal over GF's 'embarrassing joke.'
Taking back an engagement is extreme, but sometimes it's necessary to save yourself a nightmare of future romantic disasters...
So, when a conflicted woman decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about whether or not she was wrong to cancel her proposal, people were quick to help deem a verdict.
AITA (Am I the As*hole) for keeping the engagement ring and giving up asking to propose (after I proposed) in front of my parents and in-laws?
My (25F) girlfriend, Molly (26F) for the last... 6 months started with a joke that I've already made clear that I don't like. It consists of her saying 'No' quickly to anything I ask. I know it sounds silly, but I ask her to get a glass of water for me, she says no and after 1 minute, I'm almost getting up, she says she's joking and gets some water.
I ask her to wash the dishes, she says no...I say I LOVE YOU, she says no...I ask her to take her clothes, she says no. Everything is joking and after 30s/1min, she does it, but she is 'addicted' to doing it.
I've already made it clear several times that I don't like it, even more so in I LOVE YOU (she's the only person I can say that, so it's special to me). And there are things that are serious and I need her to answer seriously. And if she says no to everything jokingly, I can't tell when she's saying a real no (it's already happened).
I keep saying this is boring and I don't like it, she stops doing it and goes back to doing it after a week. After a brief discussion because she played this prank in front of our friends (Me asking 'love, can you get me some medicine?' and she with 'No kidding'), she stopped doing it for 1 month.
Yesterday, we welcomed my parents, in-laws and our 2 best friends to our house. Everyone knew that I was going to propose to her and I called them, because we always planned this proposal with our loved ones attending, participating in this special day.
I asked her to marry me and she said a quick NO and I was so grumpy/panic/upset (everyone looking in shock) for 30s for her to laugh and say she was joking, finally saying YES. I was so embarrassed and…disappointed? I put the ring box back in and said I'd take it out to cool off. I didn't even let her say anything.
She kept texting me saying it was just a joke and that I knew she always did that. She said that I left an difficult situation in the house because it was very clear that I had given up on proposing and did in front of my parents and in-laws. She stressed that I was making the situation uncomfortable because of a silly joke. Well, I slept in a hotel and I'm still in it.
My parents supported me, but my in-laws are calling me an AH for giving up on proposing, disproportionately humiliating their daughter. I just really think there's time for jokes and that moment wasn't clearly. She knew I didn't like it and decided to do it anyway. AITA?
Sometimes we have to listen to Oprah and remember that 'when people show you who they are, you have to listen...'
Expecting someone to change their whole personality in a relationship is a dark path that almost never works out, and this little joke (that isn't even funny?) is clearly something this woman can't give up.
When your partner repeatedly tells you that something you are doing or saying is hurtful and you continue to do it, there needs to be some discussion about respect. Deciding to propose in front of the family was a questionable move, but at least she can escape before walking down the aisle.
Of course, people were eager to weigh in on this wedding drama. Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say:
NTA (Not the As*hole) why would you sign up for this permanently? - moebiusmom
Yeah I don’t normally jump on the break up train but when she asks you to come home I would say NO. But then I would show her I’m not joking. - browntown92
NTA. Your girlfriend just learned a much-needed lesson on why you don’t joke and say no when you mean yes. And you are not making the situation uncomfortable because of a “silly joke” — SHE is. She knew you don’t like it (and honestly, who would? That would annoy the f*ck out of most people) but she did it anyway. What next? Is she going to jokingly say no during your ceremony? - MaroonFahrenheit
NTA. Out of all the things that are wrong from her side, one that stands out to me the most is that afterward she still puts the blame on you and does not even apologize. If you see that your partner is hurt by something you did (yes, even a joke) any well-adjusted human being would apologize.
Also, if other people are not laughing, I wouldn't even call it a joke. And you are correct to think that there is time and place for jokes. I can imagine how hurtful and embarrassing it was to hear the ''no'' to your proposal in front of your family. Such a d*ck move. - LemonTatta
NTA. I am sorry this happened to you and I don't think you're overreacting. A joke is a joke only if all involved people are laughing and you made it clear months ago that you didn't find it funny. The first question one should always ask if 'why this particular joke', especially if someone claims they cannot stop it.
So maybe your girlfriend (not fiancée) should take a look at herself and ask herself that question, especially if she couldn't even manage it in a more serious and emotional situation. I would hold off on proposing until you both get that cleared up (also, since saying 'no' to I love you is veeeery strange, it's not even a request by you?) - AdSweet5748
NTA. You have repeatedly told her that you don't enjoy this joke especially in serious or romantic contacts, then when it was time for the most serious and most romantic moment she whips it right out. The only person that was making the situation uncomfortable and humiliating was her. You asked something very clear and direct and she f**ked it up hard. - rmric0
So, there you have it!
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this woman was completely correct to trust her instincts and take her proposal back. Run for the hills, OP!