One woman was excited when, 3 and a half years into dating, her boyfriend asked her for ger ring size. She had a very specific idea of the ring she wanted. She gave him pictures and found rings in their pricerange. When he finally proposed, she was really upset to learn that he had gotten her specifically what she had asked him not to. On top of that, his choice of propsal method was far from romantic.
My (33 F) boyfriend (33 M) have been together for almost 3.5 years. We had talked about getting engaged and our future together a few times and one day he asked for my ring size. I told him and confirmed whether he'd made a purchase yet or not which he hadn't.
I was set on having a gold ring with sapphire and diamonds, inspired by the Zora Sapphire from the Zelda franchise but not exactly like it. I found several rings I loved on Etsy that were easily affordable (half a month of his salary tops) and I saved all of them in my favorites and left tab open on my phone.
He and I have access to each other's phones and I told him that the tab was there for him to look at. I also showed the rings to our close friend so she could help him. He later showed me pictures of rings he found online that were replicas of the Zora Sapphire with silver bands.
I was honest and told him I didn't like them and that I hated the silver and how silver looks with gold and with sapphire, and I reiterated what I liked in a ring. Four months later he botched a proposal.
He wrapped the ring in plastic wrap and put it in one of those plastic capsules that come in a Kinder Surprise egg and had it floating in a half full bath while I was naked, vulnerable, and visibly tired and irritable after working a 13.5 hour day. He was fully dressed. The day before we were supposed to go on a beautiful date.
The ring was the Zora Sapphire with the silver band that he knew I didn't like. Apparently he ordered it before showing me the pictures and didn't consider cancelling the order or returning it.
I told him that given the circumstances I don't think we're ready for an engagement and gave the ring back without accepting the proposal.
He was understandably upset and angry and calmed down eventually when I told him it doesn't change how much I love him. It's far too late to return the ring so if we get a different one then we're taking a loss. AITA for asking for a different ring and to wait longer to get engaged?
NTA. it’s not about the ring. it’s about not being listened to, and it’s about the lack of care and thought. it’s about the fact that you gave him blatant suggestions so as to avoid this kind of situation, and those suggestions were disregarded. this just…wasn’t very thoughtful.
NTA. This is his screw up. He could have returned it when you told him you didn't want this kind of ring. You communicated your wishes clearly and he ignored them. He could have proposed at a more appropriate time, though I don't think that's the important part here.
It’s the thought that counts and in this case the thought was absent.
I think the combination of the weird, untimely bathtub 'proposal' and the wrong ring makes you NTA. If it had been the perfect ring or a proper proposal, it would've been something you could've adjusted to. Now it's just a whole load of meh.
NTA. Lots of people are gonna come on and say you shouldn’t need a big proposal or a specific ring to want to marry someone. But truthfully, the way they propose and the ring they get you are signalers of how the other person views and values you.
You shouldn’t have to beg for what you want, your partner should want to give it to you after you’ve communicated what you want. I think you’re right to say you’re not ready for an engagement and he needs to be understanding that he messed up.
I think the mess up on timing is hugely important. He didn’t make it romantic. He knew she’d had a long day, he knew she was tired, he probably knew she was cranky, and his thought was “what a great time to propose!” And not “let me offer care and support.” His inability to read the situation would bother me even more than the ring.