Man says, 'this is my bachelor party, make it rain,' best friend calls him a 'groomzilla.' AITA?
'Groomzilla has no problem spending everyone else’s money'
Botbot123432
So a bit of background, I got married 2 years ago and asked my buddy to be my best man. I understand how much money / time goes into being in someone’s wedding party so I was very thankful to both my groomsmen and my wife’s bridesmaids.
I got my groomsmen $250 designer ties (for the wedding outfit), whiskey glasses with their initials engraved and I got my best man an additional $175 bottle of whiskey since he was best man.
Also for the wedding weekend we rented an Airbnb from Thursday - Sunday and both side of our wedding party were welcomed to stay (with their significant others) any of those days if they wanted to. The wedding was on the Saturday evening.
Also it was a massive house and each groomsman and bridesmaid would have had their own room if they decided to stay over. My best man stays with his then girlfriend (now wife) from Thursday to Sunday and the whole weekend I pay for all the food and alcohol.
If I did the math, including gifts I probably spent around 2k on him and his girlfriend that weekend. I was happy to spend the money because I understand what an inconvenience being in a wedding party can be and honestly I didn’t bat an eye and just wrote it off as wedding cost.
Now fast forward to this year, it’s my best man’s wedding and I was asked to be the best man. He picks a Thursday wedding to save on costs (which is fine because everyone has their own budget) but he insists we go to Vegas which is probably the most expensive bachelor party spot for a group of guys.
As we’re planning the trip, it’s looking like the four days in Vegas are going to cost each person around $4k (this includes us splitting all of the groom’s cost) and I tell him we should probably draw the line right here since this is a substantial amount of money.
However, he insists on adding another club event with a table reservation which would cost each person at least $500 to join. I tell him we should probably skip this and be mindful of everyone’s budget. He says “it’s my bachelor party I’m going to go out no matter what, people can stay in the hotel if they don’t want to spend money.'
I say “that’s rude, why don’t we do something everyone can participate in since all your friends are flying out for you and already spending so much.” He says “I don’t care” and ends up going out that last night when we do go to Vegas.
Now when his wedding comes along he also asks me to be his officiant as well as best man which I agree to. The groomsmen gift he ends up getting me is a deck of cards and a $10 tie from Amazon. I don’t expect him to spend $2k on me and reciprocate but something thoughtful would have also been nice even if it was not costly but personalized.
Also, because his wedding was on a Thursday the wedding party had to take 2 days of PTO. And the groom also complained to me that one of the guests that was on the bachelor party didn’t get him a wedding gift. Even though that person spent over $4k at Vegas that weekend.
He seemed to have no problem spending everyone else’s money in Vegas but made sure to save as much as possible by having his wedding on a Thursday. Aside from the deck of cards as a gift when he asked me to be his best man, I never even got a single thank you.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
clandahlina_redux
If I spent 4k for someone’s getaway, that would be their only present. No way in hell I’d pay that, though.
mishadog22
I would never pay 1K, never mind 4K. you were very generous at our wedding though.
LiliWenFach
Sorry, but this is partially your own fault for agreeing to spend so much for his bachelor party. Also, hard as it is to accept, you can't expect your own generosity to be reciprocated, or you'll end up being frequently disappointed. It's annoying, I get it, it's a problem within my own family; but it's a lesson not to go overboard for future gift-giving, and to put your foot down when it comes to paying for celebrations.
I would be aggrieved if I'd spent 2k on a friend and another 4k on their party and they thought a pack of cards was an appropriate 'thank you' - which is why I'd never spend that much money on a friend in the first place. He's entitled to spend his money as he sees fit - you can't really complain because he allocated his budget differently to you. You had the power to refuse his suggestions.
UhaRugger1
Everyone seems to be focused on the dollar amount of the items versus the actual issue of him being inconsiderate. You went out of your way to make sure that the people you had in your wedding were accommodated and it wasn't a financial strain on them. The person who you thought was your friend did the opposite.
You can still be considerate of other people, even on a budget. They didn't need to get you expensive gifts but it would have been nice if they were thoughtful about it. I don't think it was so much the cost of the items versus how your friend didn't care at all about the inconveniences of being in a wedding can cause the wedding party participants.
Considering a lot of the posts in this sub tend to be about bridezillas asking their wedding parties to spend obscene amounts of money on their weddings and aren't even nice about it, I would have expected a different response to this post.
I do wonder if you had left out the first part about your wedding and only about all the costs about the friends wedding and how inconsiderate they were, if that would have garnered a different initial response.
utter-charlie
Your generosity doesn't have anything to do with him being an a**hole.
Prudent_Border5060
You're at fault as much as him. Next time you say no if you're uncomfortable. Stand up for yourself. Just because you did things your way for your bachelor party, it doesn't mean you get to judge someone else. He was rude, no doubt, but guess what? You agreed.
Every single person that attended that party consented. He didn't put a gun to your head. Nobody is entitled to an expensive party. But when the group went along with it, you don't get to complain. You stand up for yourself. A real friend would understand.