'AITA for not leaving my brother's wedding with my crying wife?'
"AITA for not leaving my brother's wedding with my crying wife?"
My brother (26m) got married last Saturday. There are three of us in total - I'm the oldest (27m), the newlywed is the middle child, and our little brother is 21.
At one point, I hated Middle Brother's partner. The two of them had bonded over some rough times they had both experienced and were self-medicating together. My brother wasn't using anything hard himself, and I don't think his partner was ever properly addicted to anything, but I had gotten word that I needed to look out for him.
I made it known I didn't approve of the relationship and thought he was a bad influence. My brother and I didn't speak without arguing for probably a good two years.
That's all changed now. His partner has been sober for many years and has become a close friend of mine and our little brother. We both gave speeches at the wedding, and in Little Brother's speech he said, 'I can say there's four [our last name] brothers now instead of just three.' It was a very touching sentiment.
Editor's Note: Middle Brother is marrying a man, hence 'four brothers now.'
After all the speeches were given, my wife pulls me aside kind of angrily and asks what I thought about the speeches. I said they were lovely. It turns out she was mad over the fact that when Little Brother gave his speech at our wedding, he didn't insinuate she was the first daughter of the family or anything like that.
She said that his speech had mostly been focused on me, whereas his speech tonight was focused equally on both spouses and the future of their lives together.
I brushed this off and said she needed to stop reading into things so much. About 20 minutes later, I see her looking similarly angry during a conversation with Little Brother. I walked over to try and put a stop to this myself, but I saw our other brother and his new husband coming over so he must've caught wind of what was happening as well.
The two of us are very protective over our youngest sibling, so Middle Brother comes out of the gate swinging asking why she's pestering him.
It all devolved pretty quickly. I wouldn't say a scene was caused as everyone was trying to keep it hush-hush, but my wife ended up crying when she was asked to leave and that attracted some attention. She asked me to come back to the hotel room with her, and I refused.
I wanted to continue celebrating. She was very angry and said this was just another way I was letting my brothers walk over her, and that I was excusing them not giving her a chance.
Since then, she and I haven't really spoken. I need some outside perspective. It's true that my brothers aren't nearly as close to her as we are to the new addition to our family, but that's just how these things go sometimes. AITA?
Q&A with OP:
Silent-Focus47 asks:
INFO - was alcohol involved?
Round-Ad1721 OP responded:
We had a few drinks prior to the ceremony in our room, but it was a dry wedding. By that point, I was still feeling a little buzzed but not enough to get near any sort of intense emotions being induced. I would assume it was the same for her.
Ok-Ebb4485 asks:
Why does it seem like your brothers don’t like your wife? I don’t mean at the wedding, but in the time prior to.
Round-Ad1721 OP responded:
They don't dislike her, they've just had a few disagreements in the past - specifically her and Middle Brother.
Ok-Ebb4485 asks:
Need more details on these disagreements, especially with the middle brother…
Round-Ad1721 OP responded:
It's small things. For example, my brother hates talking politics whereas my wife enjoys it, so they disagree over that. Once at an event my mom was hosting, my brother told her it was politics free zone and she didn't appreciate that. Just different scenarios like that where no one is blatantly in the wrong and I think they can sort out themselves.
Some people were against OP:
gramsknows writes:
I find it funny how he says they are extremely protective of the baby brother. He is a grown a** man and the 3 of them where willing to defend him from 1 woman. Yet the 3 grown a** men can confront his wife and he doesn’t feel the need to be protective over her. That tells me where his priorities are and it isn’t with her.
weech1234 writes:
Yikes. There’s more to this story than what’s being presented here. I don’t think making a scene at the wedding was necessary, but why does your wife feel excluded from the family? And why are you tolerating it? I hope the idea of being single appeals to you. Your wife shouldn’t put up with a lifetime of this.
Some people thought they're both in the wrong:
brownlbrown writes:
ESH. Your wife shouldn't have mentioned anything at the wedding, while she was angry. Or not made that speech comparison, at all.
You should've played a bigger role in deescalating the situation, quicker. Kicking her out was kind of a crazy punishment for a convo with little brother. And you not being bothered enough to stop celebrating is telling. You need to ask yourself why your mood wasn't effected, at all. I would look at you differently from her perspective.
Infamous_Ad_6469 writes:
His comments just show how much his family has alienated her and he just left her to fend for herself. This was a breaking point for the wife. I agree with the ESH.
Some people are on OP's side, but with advice:
alien_overlord_1001 writes:
NTA but you don't seem very conscious of the fact that your wife isn't included in Team Bro. It sounds like with all this 'looking out for' your brothers, your wife has been left on the sidelines. People do get a bit emotional at weddings and this obviously hit a nerve for her.
gramsknows writes:
Yes I agree. The wife was 100 percent wrong to do this at the wedding. I figure it was the final straw of being treated as a non existent member. Doesn’t excuse what she did but sometimes we get to the point of being so hurt and angry we break. I think we have all reached out breaking point and it doesn’t matter where we are we start fighting back!
Anonymoosehead123 writes:
I can’t imagine my husband treating me like this. On the other hand, I can’t imagine behaving like your wife, so I don’t know.
Honest question, not meant as an attack: do you like your wife? Because at least in this post, it doesn’t sound like you do.
I’m going with ESH.
Round-Ad1721 OP responded:
Yeah, of course I love her. I'd say the 7 year itch can be a real thing for some couples and we're working through that. We're always changing as people and it can be
difficult to navigate sometimes. When you're together for that long, you're bound to butt heads in some aspects. I just never expected the current conflict at hand to be involving my family and word choice in a wedding speech.