'AITA for dressing nicer than the couple getting married?' UPDATED
"AITA for dressing nicer than the couple getting married?"
A few months ago, my brother and now SIL announced their intention to marry. The invitation to the wedding stated 'No dress code. Wear whatever is comfortable for you.'
In hindsight, I think they put that there since the event was at a lake. I didn't think much of the disclaimer at the time because it's a wedding, I should dress respectably for such an occasion, and I have a healthy selection of formal wear in my wardrobe. I chose a beautiful blue 3 piece suit.
Yesterday was the wedding. When I showed up, I noticed everyone was dressed way more casually than I was. I'm talking Polos, many people wearing shorts, only a few people wearing slacks and button down. I did feel a little out of place.
My brother was wearing a suit with no tie, and my SIL was wearing a modest white dress. The only comment I got on my attire during the event was a joke from my dad saying I looked like I'm marrying the SIL, but that was it.
A few hours ago, I got a call from SIL. Holy sh%t, she is pissed at me! She was asking why I dressed like a pimp, I upstaged her and my brother, and I stuck out like a sore thumb on the photos.
I referenced the invite, and how she said there was literally no dress code, and I was dressing respectfully. She was going on about how that implicitly meant not formal. I told her that she should've specified 'not formal' to leave less interpretation freedom. She asked if I was that dumb.
I told her that just because she's family doesn't give her the right to blame a miscommunication on me. I hung up.
She spammed my phone with calls, so I blocked her and texted my brother I'll talk to her when she's ready to be less verbally abusive. Was I in the wrong?
Here's what the jury of internet strangers and wedding shamers had to say:
All_in_your_mind said:
ESH. All these people saying nta are focusing on your new SIL's behavior and ignoring the reality that you did, in fact, mess up. Her behavior is way out of line and overdramatic, this is true.
But everyone knows it is bad form to out dress the bride and groom. If you felt the invitation was ambiguous, then you could have quickly cleared that up with a simple text to your brother. You definitely erred here. Therefore, ESH.
B5204T3 said:
Hahahaha WTF, NTA, it's their own fault. They are the ones who said 'no dress code'.
All_in_your_mind said:
ESH. In hindsight, you should have put your coat/tie/vest back in the car once you saw how everyone else was dressed. It was out of line for her to react so poorly to you, and she kind of deserved it for not emphasizing 'casual' dress code.
hellopanic said:
NTA. It's a wedding so they should have expected that some people would dress up, unless explicitly told otherwise. You're completely right it's wrong for her to blame you for a miscommunication that was mainly their fault.
star_guardian_carol said:
NTA - but I gotta say... Why would she care? She's just supposed to be happy she is getting married and she is wearing what she wants right?
ThisIsTheNewSleeve said:
ESH. I mean saying no dress code you really shouldn't have the right to complain. But at the same time... If it were me, I would have:
1) Asked your brother 'hey, is it cool if I wear this?' and also, after arriving and seeing everyone was dressed casually, you could have dressed down (taken off your jacket/vest etc).
You're by no means a big ahole, and your SIL is a bigger one than you... but yeah, ESH.
avocado__dip said:
NTA, she needs to keep her temper in check. It's always better to air on the side of caution and dress a bit nicer. You'd rather be the better dressed person than the person wearing shorts when everyone else is in a suit.
Update from OP:
Clarified she said I stuck out on the photos.
My brother said I'm welcome to come over for dinner later. I unblocked her number. No call spam, so that's a good sign.
Had dinner with my brother and SIL earlier. She showed me the pictures, and I can kind of see what she was talking about. I told her I'm sorry for being unaware, and that being unaware was still shitty of me because I did notice I was out of place and I should have tried to do something.
She said she was sorry for yelling at me earlier, she's still annoyed about it, but said it would be silly to keep this over my head. So yeah, I don't think we're gonna be on Jerry Springer as far as I can tell.