Groom wants man to be disabled sister's fake date, 'she loves Asians.' UPDATED
One man was confused when he was told he wouldn't be allowed to bring his girlfriend to his friend's wedding. He assumed that all of the groomsmen had been told the same thing. When he found out he was the only one not allowed to bring a plus one, he was even more confused.
Turns out, it was because his friend and his bride wanted him to pretend to be the date of the bride's developmentally disabled sister. He was very uncomfortable and felt like it would be cruel to lie to her. When he found out why they chose him, he decided their friendship was over.
"WIBTA for dropping out of a wedding when it’s two weeks away?"
I’m 29, male, and have a long term girlfriend of three years, Hannah.
My friend Kyle is getting married later this year. I agreed to be a groomsman. So it’s me, him, and there other dudes. I was disappointed when I found out I wouldn’t have a plus one for the wedding, but at the time I thought the same went for the other guys.
Come to find out last weekend that the three other groomsmen do have plus ones. Two of them have been in relationships for less time combined than me. The other guy is single and was complaining about not finding a date to bring on Tinder (which is how I found out).
I ask Kyle what’s going on? Why do they have plus ones but I can’t bring Hannah? That when I find out his plan. So, I’m walking down the aisle with the bride’s sister, Lisa. Lisa is developmentally disabled. She’s in her twenties, but mentally she’s about ten years old.
Kyle says it’s because they don’t want to p*ss off Lisa. Her parents figure she will never marry or have a boyfriend, so they want me to come solo to give Lisa the impression that I’m single. Basically, they want me to be a pretend boyfriend for Lisa. If I come with Hannah, that will make her jealous.
I’m really not comfortable with this. Lisa is a nice girl, but I don't like that I’m tricking her into thinking I’m someone that I’m not. It’s scummy to make someone believe I’m her boyfriend when I’m not. Plus what if Lisa meets Hannah in the future and finds out we’re together? She’s already gotten into trouble in her adult care group for fighting with another girl over a guy.
I told Kyle and his fiancée Clare that I’m not okay with this. They told me I need to suck it up for a day because this will mean a lot to Lisa.
I’m not comfortable playing pretend boyfriend, especially for someone who thinks we are the real deal. I want to drop out at this point. The wedding is two weeks away. WIBTA?
Edit: you guys are right, this is really f*cked. I called Kyle just now and told him we need to talk. Face to face. I’ll update if anything happens.
Edit2 6:51pst: I’m about to confront Kyle. Pray for me.
These were the top rated comments after this initial post:
YWNBTA. Your points are more than valid. Besides, one of the groomsmen is actually single. If they want to conduct this farce, why don't they pair her with him?!
Absolutely NTA. This is so weird and wrong. Not only would this be uncomfortable for you, you will be ticking a disabled and vulnerable girl. I am sure she would don't appreciate this either. Your friend as his fiance are playing with Lisa emotions and its not fair on either of you.
As you said, in future, if Lisa found out about your girlfriend, it would affect her greatly. Don't go to the wedding, these are not people you want to be around.
Because he wouldn't agree to it probably. Groom thinks OP is only worth having if he participates in a farce. Very disrespectful and OP is NTA for pulling out.
NTA.
Their plan is cruel to Lisa and just plain nutty.
So.... why couldn't the single groom's man be her 'date' for the wedding? Why does it have to be the guy who has been in the longest committed relationship?
Your friend isn't a good friend and he doesn't respect you or your relationship. Nope, peace right out of that cr@p and don't even feel bad even if it's the week of the wedding. That was extremely sh*tty of them to do to you and not even be upfront about at all.
Could also be that the sister has a crush on OP and not the single groomsman...
The OP returned the next day with an update on how their confrontation went.
'UPDATE'
I’m going to need some time to calm down. My “friendship” with Kyle is over. And whoever said that I got roped in because Lisa had a crush on me, you win. I’ll fill you in when I’ve had a moment. I feel sick right now.
The OP returned a few hours later after they had calmed down:
I think I can say what happened earlier this evening. The more I read everyone's answers, the more I realized this was really f*cked up. I already had a feeling that this whole Lisa wedding date situation was messed up but reading everyone's comments reinforced it. I told Kyle that we had to talk and he agreed.
We met at his house. Clare was there, Lisa wasn't (thank God). Basically, I told them I was dropping out of the wedding. I told them that setting me up as Lisa's fake boyfriend was beyond messed up. What do they think was going to happen after the wedding? Was I supposed to continue this charade or dump her, break her heart and be the 'bad guy'?
Clare tried to explain what was happening. Something about how Lisa was upset and angry that she wasn't the one getting married. That wasn't the part that p*ssed me off. No, want to know why I got offered up? Its because Lisa loves K-pop and is obsessed with Asian guys.
I'm Japanese-American. So that's why I got roped into being her fake date, and not my single friend who has to rely on Tinder to find someone. It's all some sick attempt at making Lisa feel better by hooking her up with the only Asian guy they knew.
At that point, I had enough. I told Kyle and Clare that it was over. I wasn't going to the wedding. I never wanted to speak or see them again. There was a lot of screaming and crying. Clare asked me why I would do this to her sister. I barely even know Lisa except for the few times that were wedding related.
And that's where things stand. I don't know if they're going to try and paint me as the bad guy who broke Lisa's heart. I already told the guys that I'm not coming and why. Who knows what the fallout from that will be. I spent the rest of the night trying to get a grip on myself.
I still feel kind of queasy from this whole thing. This feels like one sick joke. I feel bad for Lisa because while I got out, she's still stuck with that sh*tty family.
I think I'm going to spend Saturday trying to put this behind me with beer and a Brooklyn 99 marathon. Thank you guys for your help. At least I know there are people out there who also think this is a terrible f*cking idea.
Oh, I also asked why not hook up Lisa with Tucker (the single friend using Tinder for dates)? It's because she said he was too ugly and hated his beard. I'm not going to tell Tucker that, he's going to find out eventually.
Here were the top rated comments after this final update:
This is many levels of f*cked up.
What a sad sh*tshow this was. It's one of those situations where your faith in humanity is tested. That being said, I hope OP enjoyed their Brooklyn 99 marathon. At least there was one positive experience in this mess.
So they basically pimped OP out because he's Asian. That is f-d up. There's no possible future apology his friend could make that makes that sh*t ok.
'Why would you do this to my sister?'
I didn't, you did.
What, and I cannot stress this enough, the f*ck? I understand that Lisa is in a rough place but like this is the worst possible thing her sister could do to her. It’s not helping Lisa. It’s just setting her up for a worse fallout later.
OP lost a friend (who wasn’t that great of a friend if he could do this) but dodged a bullet.