'AITA for getting married at a venue I had already booked to marry my ex?'
"AITAH for getting married at a venue I had booked for my wedding to my ex?"
Puzzleheaded_Can8898
My current fiancée knows why I had it booked. It's my ex and her family that have a problem. There is a very popular venue in my city that you have to book a year and a half in advance, at least, if you want a good date.
I put down a non-refundable deposit on the venue about one year ago. My ex fiancée had her heart set on that place and having her wedding pictures done there. I would have done anything to please her. She did not reciprocate. In fact she banged her ex about a month after I put down the deposit. I tossed her and her stuff out of my house.
I spoke with the venue and they would not return my deposit. Reasons don't matter. Nonrefundable is non-refundable. I admit I was a little petty here and I asked how long I had to put down the rest of the fee. I decided to wait until the last minute to cancel or even see if I could work with a wedding planner to transfer the date.
As luck would have it I ran into a woman I had briefly dated and it just had not worked out due to her taking a job out of province. I asked her out for coffee and we caught up. She had just moved back to her old company.
She is an only child and she hated being far away from her parents. She actually got a bigger raise by leaving her employer, moving to New Brunswick for two years and then coming back than she would have if she had just stayed local.
It was such an easy conversation we basically started dating immediately. I was 100% honest and told her that I had just dumped my ex about two months earlier and why. She said she understood and that she had thought about me a fair bit while she was gone.
Long story short. She is who I belong with. Her parents like me, my parents love her. She isn't perfect, and I am far from it myself, but both of us are willing to talk stuff out and compromise.
I asked her to marry me about six months in. She said yes. Obviously. She brought up the venue in question since she too has always dreamed about getting married there. She said she didn't want to wait until 2025 to get married.
I jokingly mentioned that I already had a reservation for that venue for next June if she wanted a spring wedding. She kind of freaked out for a second because she thought I had booked it when we started dating. I explained why I had that reservation and she calmed down.
The next day she approached me and asked if we could go look at the venue together. We invited our moms and we went for lunch and a tour of the venue. All three of them were crazy for it. We are getting married next June. On the date and at the place where I was planning to marry my ex. We did tell our parents but only them.
My ex found out about my engagement. We still have mutuals. She lost it. She started to contact me about how I'm trying to hurt her by doing this. And how I'm so petty. I block her on anything she contacts me from.
I talked to my fiancee and we agreed to get married elsewhere if my ex bought the deposit off of me. We met her for coffee and offered to let her buy the deposit. It is a substantial amount and I was originally going to be out of pocket.
We figure if she really doesn't want us to get married there then she can bite the bullet and pay the deposit and after that it's not our problem. She refused. She said that I put down the deposit so it was my problem. I agreed told her that we would be having security there and to leave us alone.
She has been having a breakdown ever since. She is constantly on social media bitching about it. It has no effect on us but some of our mutual friends have said that it's a tacky move. She has threatened to cut off anyone who comes to the wedding. I told everyone that I fully appreciated their position and would of course accept their RSVP in the negative. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Shichimi88
Nta. Block her and move on. Stop contacting her. A ghost of Christmas past.
Prize-Bumblebee-2192
NTA at all. It’s not about her - it’s about you and your fiancée. It doesn’t matter what your ex thinks. It matters what you and your fiancée think. It’s your money. It’s unreasonable for her to ask you to forfeit it for her. She’s out of the picture - a non entity. She doesn’t matter.
You were magnanimous to offer her to buy the deposit from you - even though you and fiance love the venue and would have to wait over a year to rebook. She declined. She cannot have her cake and eat it too. She’s being petty and jealous bc her wedding was cancelled as a consequence of her cheating on you. She doesn’t get to cry sour grapes.
Lydia654322
You've perfectly captured the essence of the situation. It's crucial to prioritize your own happiness and future with your fiancée rather than being swayed by the opinions or desires of your ex. Your offer to sell the deposit was a generous attempt to find a compromise, but, understandably, waiting over a year for a rebooking is not ideal.
Stick to your decisions and focus on building a future with your fiancée. Your ex's feelings, especially considering the circumstances of her actions, should not dictate your choices. Well done for standing your ground and prioritizing your own well-being. ???
CuteKey2063
"Some of our mutual friends have said that it's a tacky move." Unless they want to pony up the deposit they can shut the hell up. Weddings are insanely expensive and the fact that you're lucky enough to have a beautiful venue to marry someone you're truly in love with is amazing and if anyone has any issues with it they can talk with their wallets NTA.
superflex
NTA. Your ex lost any and all rights to complain or have input on this situation when she cheated. Sounds like karma to me. Congrats on your engagement.