'AITA for not forgiving my MIL for ruining our wedding by sulking and being rude?'
"AITA for not forgiving my MIL for ruining our wedding by sulking and being rude?"
Budget_Scholar5211
My partner and I got married last Saturday and his mum end up making him cry on his wedding day because of her sulking, not speaking to us, and general demeanor on the day. He was visibly upset throughout the day and it ruined our wedding.
Firstly, his family were late on the Friday. They said they'd be there at 1pm but they arrived at 5pm. They also forget the steamer, the one thing I asked them not to forget.
On the morning of the wedding, my MIL informed the groom (my partner) that the polaroid camera we were going to use was out of battery. An hour after, she says she is setting of for batteries and will drop it off in 10 minutes.
At this point he is going to be late for first look pictures. So, she suggests he just buy a new camera in town. He snaps at her to leave it and communicate better and sooner next time.
I also have an encounter with my MIL in the morning when she pops round to pick up flowers. No comment of how I'm feeling, make up looks nice etc. She just asks me to change the seating plan so his uncle can be at a different table. I inform her I can't deal with that right now as it's the wedding day and to speak to her son. Probably a bit abruptly...
We arrive for our wedding super happy, then as we sit up to sign the papers in the ceremony, I clock her. So miserable, not making any eye contact. She, as a witness comes up, scribbles a signature, says "congratulations" in a huff and sits down and again. My mum is standing there shocked whilst she signs the other signature. No photographs were able to be taken due to how quick she was to get it done.
After the ceremony she sits, sulking in the garden. My partner is visibly upset and doesn't know why she's upset. He asks her if she's OK and she says she's fine. The meal was the most uncomfortable thing... she walked around the room until she has to sit down at the top table with us at the last minute.
Then, she makes a comment about the food saying, "oh guess I'll be veggie as it won't be halal," despite us making sure all the food was halal and making sure to let everyone know in advance. She was asking why she was sat next to the groom and not his dad. She would not speak to my parents, she would not not smile in any photos. She left around 10pm after not dancing and barely chatting to guests.
The next day, when we asked what an earth happened and why she made her son cry on his wedding day (he went off to the bathroom during the meal to cry because he felt so sad) she claimed we both shouted at her in the morning and we ruined her day.
There was then lots of back and forth arguing and screaming on her part. She didn't understand what she did wrong and said that she didn't sulk and wasn't rude. I told her that her behaviour was embarrassing. Eventually, she briefly finally apologised a couple hours later for upsetting us.
AITA for still not wanting to her speak/see her again? I just can't forgive how she made us both feel. The fact that all my friends clocked it and my family felt bad thinking they did something wrong. I just don't want to make it uncomfortable for my husband, who has forgiven her.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
SassyPieHole03
There's nothing a narcissist likes better than to ruin a special day. It's their favourite thing. I'm sorry it ruined your day. People like your MIL thrive on chaos like this, it won't matter to her whether you forgive her or not.
It won't make any difference to her behaviour now or in the future. That your husband has forgiven her for purposefully ruining your wedding day is seriously disappointing and doesn't fill me with hope for your future.
The very best thing both of you could do is to cut her off completely but I'm guessing you're some way off from that. In the meantime I suggest you both do some research on narcissistic mothers so you know what you're dealing with. Buckle up, you're in for a rough ride ahead. NTA.
Wanna_Know_it_all
Kids of narcs are often groomed to be forgiving and to downplay situations like this.
KronkLaSworda
NTA. She chose you make you and your partner's big day a pity party for her, soaking in as much attention as she could. She's probably a narcissist, but regardless, keeping minimal contact with her for a while would be good for your relationship.
MissSuzieSunshine
NTA. It sounds like your MIL is happiest when she is the center of attention, and if she isnt, she will do whatever she can to make sure everyone notices her in some way. (remember that old saying "negative attention is better than none")
Since your husband has forgiven her, be prepared for future renditions of this kind of behavior (at your childs christening, at a first birthday party -- you get the picture). BUT forwarned is for armed. Now that you know how she is, you can take steps to mitigate it.
How you do that is up to you, there are books and articles on it, and you now have time to research. It would be great if you could get your husband onboard with it, but since he's grown up with her being this way, it might be hard for him to actually see whats going on. Regardless, Im sorry she tried to ruin your wedding day!
asshole-anon-69420
NTA, MIL sounds like a trainwreck of a human being, just destroying everything that her derailed self touches. Are everyone of your in laws like her? This sounds like the beginning of a nightmare. The odds of doing EVERY SINGLE THING wrong that you had specifically asked them to do right is just astronomically so low, this has to be deliberate.