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'I (MOH) just found out the bride talked trash behind my back the entire wedding day.' UPDATED

'I (MOH) just found out the bride talked trash behind my back the entire wedding day.' UPDATED

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'I (MOH) just found out the bride talked sh!t behind my back the entire wedding day (but still had me plan/pay for everything)'

I was asked to be MOH by a friend of mine who I’ve had a rocky past with. She doesn’t really have anyone close in her life that lasts longer than a few years, and she also changes jobs every few months, because she is HIGH CONFLICT and causes drama constantly.

She thrives off of it. In hindsight - i should have said no. Especially knowing this was her and the grooms third engagement (so off/on). But i agreed and took everything so seriously.

Bridezilla was an understatement. She changed the members of the bridal party five times so I constantly had to track down new people. Her bridal shower HAD to be at this one very specific country club that was EXPENSIVE.

She changed the date of the actual wedding and forgot to tell me for months (and it was on a Friday, so i had to request off work). Nothing I bought was good enough and she always requested more, more, more. She changed my dress color after I bought it. She also just stopped talking to me unless it was about the wedding, and had NO idea what was going on in my personal life.

I paid for just about everything because the people she kept inviting in the bridal party were younger than us (early twenties, I’m 27, bride is 33) and have no stable income. I have a good job and am smart with my money but even for me it was really difficult. I’m talking about $6000 on this damn wedding as MOH (and I’m trying to plan my own soon too!!)

Well day of the wedding comes, I make sure she has a bunch of custom gifts, a day off bag, my speech was beautiful, etc. But she was SO rude to me the entire day. She has a new BFF she met about four months before the wedding and they are attached at the hip, and all she wanted to do was talk to her. But, whatever, i was super busy handling everything so i tried to ignore it.

Wedding comes and goes, she leaves to go to the after party with her new BFF, and I stay behind to clean up the entire venue with the help of my boyfriend after, and we go home. Well i get a call today from her cousin who was also in the wedding party, who i really bonded with over this awful experience.

She told me that she didn’t want to say anything to me, but she thinks i deserve to know because Im already buying Christmas gifts for bride and her kids. Her cousin tells me that every time i left the bridal suite the day of the wedding, the bride would announce to everyone in the room that “she couldn’t stand me”, “i wish she weren’t even here”, “i’m so f’king annoying”.

She also has a separate group chat with her sisters and cousins and continues to talk shit on me there. Mind you - she just sent me a Christmas list for her kids last week. Everything is already bought and wrapped.

I feel so hurt, and so used. And honestly really stupid. I just blocked her on everything. I don’t want to even message her because I know she’ll somehow twist it around and make it my fault.

TLDR: bride talked shit on me the entire wedding and continues to do so, but hasn’t said anything to my face, and still expects me to buy Christmas gifts for her kids.

EDIT: I’m seeing a lot of comments saying this is on me for missing/ignoring red flags, and i 100% agree. I should have gone more into the back story but it’s super complicated and long so i left it out: i used to be the step mother of her oldest son. So, her ex is also my ex (and he’s a huge POS, but that’s a story for another day).

And im extremely bonded to the kiddo, i was in his life from 9 months old. And she’s allowed me to still be involved in his life for the past 4+ years even after i left the relationship (he’s 7 now). So a huge part of me feels this immense, incredible debt to her.

And i will always appreciate her keeping me in her son’s life - she didn’t have to do that. But as MY friend, kids aside, she is incredibly selfish and toxic, and i should have made better boundaries and kept my guard up. But wow that’s easier said than done when kids are involved.

EDIT 2: I also meant that I spent $6000 on the bridal shower/ bachelorette / gifts etc. i did not pay for the actual wedding venue itself. But $6000 of my own money still for wedding related things

EDIT 3: i appreciate everyone’s advice. I was more or less venting on this post, i know im not blameless in this and definitely let it drag on too long (because i was/am scared that once i upset bridezilla, i lose access to being a part of her children’s lives).

However, i agree that it’s not healthy for me to continue to be in contact with her and her children are better off not seeing me being used as a doormat by their mother. I blocked her number and do not plan on interacting with her ever again. Time to just move on and focus on my own healing for once.

This is what top commenters had to say:

Knightwhosaidnian said:

Return everything and flush that horrible woman out of your life asap.

OkieLady1952 said:

I would let her know that the Christmas gifts won’t be coming and why. I think just to be petty send her an invoice for the money you wasted on her!

SquirrelGirlVA said:

Here's the thing with the kid. He's growing up hearing his mom talk bad about OP. There's the risk of him growing up thinking that it's OK to treat people like that. If he sees OP walk away, it will show him that he doesn't have to tolerate being like that and that others won't tolerate him acting that way.

He might lose out on OP being in his life and being a good influence but I don't think that his mom would really allow that anyway. I think she's going to drop OP as soon as she stops giving.

And BeneficialBake366 said:

This is a good opportunity to reflect on why you tolerated this abuse for so long… You sound like an extremely nice person. You deserve better. Going forward if someone treats you badly like this hopefully you will feel comfortable leaving earlier. This may turn out to be a beneficial life lesson… We’ve all had bad experiences that we can later reflect on and help us grow.

Obviously, don’t give her the gifts. It’s tempting to be petty, but that’s not who you are. This person is missing out on a good friend in you. They will continue to have these short-lived high drama relationships. Congratulations on your engagement!

Two months later, she shared this update on the situation:

After this happened, a few things that some of you said to me really stuck with me. I was looking at all of this from the perspective of not wanting to lose access to the children of the bride who I love deeply - but I didn't realize that by allowing their mother to treat me poorly, I was modeling for the kids how to treat their own loved ones. That really was a lightbulb moment for me and I realized I needed to cut ties.

I initially told her that I needed space from her because of the way she has treated me as a friend, which she did not take well, and I had to block her number and delete her off social media to stop her from berating me with texts. Once I did that… it was INSANE how much better I felt. I truly didn’t realize how much time and energy she took out of me every single day.

I felt like a literal weight was lifted from my chest and I wasn’t filled with anxiety about whatever drama she’d constantly call/text me about. I had no idea how much she had slowly taken from me across the course of our “friendship”. It was like being free of an emotional vampire.

However, despite feeling SO much better, I still felt that I needed closure regarding the kids, who I do love and miss. I needed to know in my heart that I did everything I could for them to know none of this is their fault.

I decided to drop off the presents I already bought at their front door step and left a note letting her know that I was informed she spoke poorly about me in front of her children during her wedding day, and that I simply cannot accept that disrespect anymore.

It was very short and sweet, and I didn’t go into much more detail than that. I also told her I had no interest in reigniting any type of friendship, that this was my closure, and I do not want her to contact me further.

Apparently she immediately took to social media and began making dozens of posts/tiktok videos denying everything, as well as INVOLVING the kids in the videos (so sad) trash talking me and calling me a narcissist (which is laughable honestly - and it’s her go-to insult for anyone who wrongs her).

I had friends send me a few in disbelief and while I appreciated being informed, I asked them to not send me anymore because I don’t really care and I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing I saw any of them.

Honestly, I just feel SO bad for the kids and I feel nothing but pity for their mother. How sad to be 33 years old and instead of spending time on Christmas morning with your children, you’re making TikTok videos to try to upset me (and failing at it, at that).

Anyway, that’s my update. I’m glad to finally put all of this behind me. I really feel like I’ve closed the chapter of such a chaotic and drama filled portion of my life. If any of you are dealing with a person like this in your lives… GET OUT. Life is so much better without them in it to drag you down, I promise you

Relevant Comments:

CultureImaginary8750 said:

When I blocked my narcissist “friend”, it was AMAZING how free I felt. Like, I can go get coffee just by myself without having to invite her? I don’t have her always coming to my house interrupting date night with my husband? I can hang out with other friends without her guilting me?

I wish it had turned out differently, but people are going to make choices. You can’t choose for them. And life is too short to spend it around people who drain you

OP responded:

Omg, this!!! I don’t have to pretend I go to bed at 7pm so she won’t call me twenty times and interrupt my evening? I don’t have her whining “why wasn’t I invited” to a friends birthday party who she’s never even met???

I’m so glad that you got rid of the negative “friend” in your life too. No one should cause stress like that.

GuardMost8477 said:

Good for you. Hard and expensive lesson to learn, but you did it! I just hope her kids have a good support system. How’s their Dad with them?

And OP responded:

Two separate dads. The oldest’s dad is basically not involved, he’s awful. The younger’s dad is a pretty decent dad/step dad but he and my ex-friend have a super toxic dynamic that isn’t healthy for the kids to be around. tbh i doubt this marriage will last (it’s her third)

Sources: Reddit
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