MOH wants to back out of friend's hasty wedding, 'you've been dating 2 months.' AITA?
"WIBTA For Backing Out as Maid Of Honor in My Friend's Wedding"
Stock_Juggernaut6053
Hello, loves!
My (30f) friend Harmony (29f) is getting married this Spring- if everything goes according to "plan".
Harmony and I have an interesting relationship. We've been friends since high school, but got really close when I moved off to college. During college, Harmony had a series of bad car accidents due to a combination of driving while under the influence and being legally blind in one eye.
The accidents left her with some mild brain damage and some spinal injury making her disabled for a short while. During that stint, Harmony lost most of her friend group.
We were all pretty upset with her for being so wreckless- in high school she totaled four cars due to her blindness and had her license suspended at least once. Then to add substances to the mix just seemed plain stupid.
Unfortunately, the loss of the friend's group left her depressed and she traded weed for harder drugs and a toxic community. She was in and out of rehab and ODed because her mental health had tanked so hard.
I quickly became her built in therapist and voice of reason and literally the only person to stick with her consistently. She calls me her best friend, but to honest I'm not. I used to be an amazing friend to her.
Checking in regularly, supporting her in her journey to sobriety, helping her advocate for herself with her therapist and doctors, knocking some sense in her when she stuck around some toxic relationships, but recently...I've stopped.
I'm tired. Life happened to me, and I noticed when I stopped checking in, she ceased contact. Until I got the call.
Harmony reached out saying she bought a ring and was going to propose to her partner of two months. This is not the first time Harmony has proposed to someone she just met, so I didn't take her as seriously as I should have.
I asked some basic questions and challenged her to think about the relationship. I validated her feelings and ended the conversation wishing her luck and expressing how I was excited to meet them some day.
A week later, I was asked to be the maid of honor. I accepted. As you can imagine, the planning has been absolute chaos. Wedding planning is hard, and Harmony is doing it all on her own. Everything that can go wrong, has gone wrong.
The only thing they have set in stone is a date, DJ, photographer, and dress. They don't have a venue or food and have not sent out any invites at all. They've just been telling everyone to save the date.
As her maid of honor, I tried taking on the bach planning. This isn't my first time being MOH, and I'm used to planning bachelorettes. However, this is...different. As mentioned before, Harmony has some brain damage which makes reading social cues hard.
She tends to think she's much closer to people than she actually is. More than half the people she asked me to contact have ghosted me, and eventually, Harmony had to jump in and take over.
Unfortunately, because I live so far away, I had to book a flight for the bach, pay to stay the time I could (it got rescheduled four times and I couldn't stay the whole trip), and I footed the bill for most of the food and drinks because there was some miscommunication about the expectations of this bach.
I'm so stressed about this wedding and the financial burden it's becoming already. I want to support Harmony, but I'm not sure I'm able to. WIBTA if I backed out now?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
SimplyPassinThrough
Don’t light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm man.
GuaranteeThat810
Back out now before things get worse. NTA. So proud of you for supporting someone through a clearly difficult period in their life, but you already recognized it’s not reciprocated at all. You can only pour into others when your cup is overflowing. Take a beat, time to step back.
Cwuddlebear
You owe her nothing. My mother was an addict and try to stay close to them and be there for them even when they sober is difficult. I cut contact with her and I'm doing a lot better. You are not responsible for her happiness. Look after yourself. Not other people.
Thewandering1_OG
Why are you doing any of this? It reeks of martyr complex behavior and you're not helping. Anyone.
You know that right? That's why I'm questioning your motives.
pinkcloudskyway
I don't have many friends nothing wrong with that but why do girls like that try to force big weddings with lots of people they don't know well? Just invite your family and call it a day.
pinkplasticplate
If you wanna be there for your friend, do that. But she doesn’t sound like the traditional gal or the traditional wedding. I think if you let go of trying to fix everything and just show up for when/where your supposed to be, that’s all harmony really wanted in the first place. Let the chips fall where they may for everything else.