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'AITA for telling my son I won't pay for the wedding if I can't invite family members?'

'AITA for telling my son I won't pay for the wedding if I can't invite family members?'

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Does paying for a wedding mean you get at least a little bit of a say in the event?

One mother offered to foot the $150,000 bill for her son's wedding. All she asked, was that she was allowed to invite a few people. This was a surprising nonstarter for the bride.

"AITA for telling my son and his fiance I won't pay for the wedding if I can't invite some family members?"

anon1968anon

I 54f have 3 kids, the one pertaining to this post is 26m we'll call him Caleb. Caleb has been with his fiance Ashley 26f for 4 years and they recently got engaged. I have offered to pay for their wedding, with two stipulations

1. They use a wedding planner- I feel this is essential due to the size of the event and the amount of money going into it.

2. I have 8 people I'm inviting (older relatives that I'm close with) They both agreed to a wedding planner and said they will look for one that they feel comfortable with. The issue is Ashley does not want me to be able to invite anyone.

Caleb knows the relatives well but is not super close with them and Ashley has only met them a few times.

The wedding is going to be a very large and grand affair she comes from a very large family and we have a very large family. We're expecting 300 to 400 guests and I've given them a budget of $150,000 USD.

Caleb says he doesn't care but it makes Ashley uncomfortable since she doesn't know them that well and it's her day. Her family is saying that I am TA (even though they aren't willing to continue financially)

I don't care about any of the other details of their wedding whatever they choose is fine as long as I get the two things that I want. So am I TA?

Edit: the 8 people are my aunts and uncles, they helped me a lot with the kids. We don't come from money, I was in a severe car accident that left me paralyzed from the waist down.

With the lawsuit money I made some investments that turned out to be very lucrative. Without their help between watching the kids and financially I would have been up shits creek without a paddle when my kids were younger.

Here is what people had to say:

Fine_Prune_743

Nope NTA you are asking for 8 people and offering $150k. I’m assuming you are not exerting control over anything else.

Garamon7

NTA. 'Caleb says he doesn't care but it makes Ashley uncomfortable since she doesn't know them that well ' With 400 guests there is no way she will know every single person 'well' or even at all. It's a power play.

Nervous_Hippo8855

Sounds like your son needs a prenuptial and you save the money for a second wedding. Ashley sounds entitled, unyielding and rude. I have to wonder if she is always this way.

At this point I would seriously consider never spending that much based on the way she’s treated you. Any one who calls you out on the money should be standing there with their wallet open. Sorry about your accident. NTA.

LethargicActionHero

It's not 'HER' day, it's 'THEIR' day. The groom's opinion matters too. What does she expect, that only her family should get invited? You're being more than generous in the amount you offer, you have a right to invite HIS FAMILY to show up. NTA.

Due_Laugh_3852

NTA I may be old fashioned, but I believe that the person paying for the party is the person hosting the party, even if the party is your child's wedding reception.

The bride and groom are the guests of honor but you are the host and having a small contingent of family that you are choosing to invite doesn't seem unreasonable to me.

fixerofthings

First off. F U for blowing that kind of money on a wedding for one fucking day. That's 5 years salary where I live. I fucking hate people like you. Second, NTA. 8 people for a $150k gift?. You should be able to invite strangers off the street for that.

Substantial-Iron5859

ESH - the entitled bride for being so selfish, your son for not being grateful and not standing up to his selfish bride, you for being willing to pay $150,000 for a PARTY - Jeez man, pay 10% of that for the party and put the rest down on property or something else lasting. Throwing that much money away on a party seems like a ridiculously foolish thing to do.

Do you think this mom is wrong to ask to invite family or should she have a say since she is footing the bill?

Sources: Reddit
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