Woman won't lend late mother's necklace to sis for wedding day; 'you sold all our memories of her.' AITA?
"AITA for refusing to let my sister wear our late mom's necklace on her wedding day?"
Valuable-Charge9683
Sister (22f) and I (26f) lost our mom 20 years ago. Mom had a lot of jewelry and she had it in her will that we would each get specific pieces of it. Dad remarried a year later to Jane. My sister considers Jane her mom and Jane's daughter Norah (23f) her sister.
Due to her feeling like they were just mom and sister and not step, my sister has given away all the jewelry she got from mom to Jane and Norah. I always refused to let them borrow pieces from me.
Jane always rubbed me the wrong way because she said my mom was not my sister's mom anymore and she was basically a standin until her real mom (her/Jane) could come into my sister's life.
She said it was disgusting that I would think it was a bad thing for my sister to share pretty jewelry with no real meaning with her family. She said I was the one who was rejecting a mom and sister.
My sister has nothing left from what mom left her. When she was graduating high school she was upset about not having anything to wear or so it appeared and she asked if she could borrow a bracelet mom left me. I was like sure, just give it back after.
But my sister gave it to Jane after and it took months for me to get it back. I told Jane I would escalate the situation if I didn't. Everyone, meaning dad, my sister, Jane and Norah, thought I was sh*tty for that.
Now the necklace has become an issue. It was mom's favored piece of jewelry and I have always worn it. I wore it on my wedding day. My sister is aware that it was mom's favorite and she has seen photos of her wearing it.
She wanted to borrow it to wear on her wedding day. I was like no f*cking way. I told her I had made it clear after the graduation incident that she was never borrowing another piece off me again and I told her that if she wants something of mom's to wear, she should take back the stuff she gave away.
My sister lost it with me and started yelling that I have always held it against her that she didn't hold mom on a pedestal and reject everyone who came into our lives after. She said I had no right to throw that stuff in her face (I didn't) and that she should be allowed to wear something of mom's to her wedding just like I did when I got married.
She broke down and told me I was selfish and awful and I took pleasure in doing this to her and I sucked and had ruined her wedding. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Loading-Laundry
NTA - it's your jewelry. If your sister valued the thought of wearing/owning something that belonged to your mom, she should have kept her pieces instead of giving them away to someone who had "no real meaning" towards the jewelry in terms of sentimental value.
If she understands the sentimentality of having your mother's jewelry, she should have promptly returned your bracelet, not given your bracelet to your stepsister without asking you. You can't trust her, either her own sense of propriety is warped or your stepmom/sis have some undue influence on her. She can get hers back or deal with it.
The biggest AH here are stepmom/sis to manipulate a child who lost their mother to just take somebody else's jewelry passed down from a relative. I hate the term how it's used most of the time, but here "gold-digger" is very much appropriate.
Inner-Show-1172
NTA. Your sister can ask Jane or Nora. Your necklace isn't just "technically"yours, but legally, and after the bracelet debacle, you're right not to trust her. You should address this with your father; it's a shame he didn't have your back the first time.
GothPenguin
NTA-She had jewelry from your shared mother. It’s on her that she gave it away even if she gave it to family. Let her ask her mom and sister for a piece of the jewelry she shared back for her wedding day. Don’t give up a piece of your mom especially since you had such a hard time getting the first piece back.
KBD_in_PDX
NTA she's picking and choosing when to amp up the 'mourning schtick' to manipulate you into giving her what she wants. She was irresponsible with the last piece she borrowed from you - more than that, she gave it away to someone, and left you to clean up the mess.
She made her choices with the items she was left - she can go try to claw back that mistake herself this time.
analyst19
NTA, she gave away the jewelry your late mom left her and gave away the jewelry you let her borrow.
Happytallperson
Who instigated the giving away if the Jewellery and at what age? If it was when your sister was under about 15 I think it's fair to say she was pressured by Jane into severing any emotional attachment to her birth mother, in which case TA here is Jane.
It may then have been kind to consider lending jewellery under very strict and clear conditions.(although I accept the only practical way is to ask for a deposit leading to inevitable fireworks there). If older than that, then your sister is TA.