'My dad invited extra people to my wedding and blamed me for it.'
"My dad invited extra people to my wedding and blamed me for it."
ConsciousAd3109
Let me start by saying that my dad is both proud and envious of me. I’ve worked hard to get where I am, and he’s struggling to cope with that. I’m just beginning to realize this myself.
When I traveled far to see him, his first words were, "I got a new phone, and it’s newer than yours." Okay… and? Not even a single "Hi" or "How are you?" Now, to the story.
I live in a different country, and my dad loves to visit relatives and chat with them. He asked to hand-deliver the wedding invites, so I made the huge mistake of giving him the invites (no extras, just the exact number needed) to send to a list of relatives I had made.
Communicating with relatives this way has always been his method, so no red flags here. Plus, my lack of time to visit their country made me think this was a great idea: a win win. A few weeks later, he messaged me asking for a PDF version of the invite because one of the relatives lives two hours away, and he wasn’t planning to hand-deliver it.
I asked, "Why don’t you just drop it off at the post office?" He replied that he was chatting with this relative on WhatsApp and that it would be easier and quicker that way. Naively, I complied.
When I returned to my home country, within the first few hours of being back, I learned that he disregarded my list and sent the PDF version of the invite to EVERY SINGLE RELATIVE, including people I have never even met.
Why? Because, in his words, "I can’t possibly go to X relative and not Y relative, that’s not the right way to do things." I was in disbelief and speechless. He then proceeded to show me a message, claiming, "It’s your fault, you told me to do this."
You guys. The message in question was him asking if I wanted my cousins there. I answered, "Absolutely, I already counted them," and he used that as an excuse to invite all of HIS second and third cousins.
The fact that both my mother (they’re divorced by the way) and I sent him the list of people 4 TIMES, and he still did whatever he wanted, then blamed me for saying I wanted my cousins there, is WILD.
I explained to him that: 1. It’s not his wedding. 2. He’s not paying for it, so he doesn’t get to decide to invite extra people I’ve never even met. But, if those people RSVP’d, he would absolutely need to pay for each one of them. 3. He was being extremely defensive over completely BS excuses, and I wanted an apology for his actions.
He kept repeating that it’s bad behavior to invite some relatives and not others and that I had agreed to invite the cousins. I said, "MY cousins, who were already on the list, not YOUR second and third cousins." And once again, I asked for an apology.
After asking 5/6 times for an apology, he finally gave in, but it was definitely not heartfelt or sincere. He said something along the lines of, "I might have done something wrong, sorry."
I left it there because he has anger issues, and I didn’t want to escalate things and add more stress to my plate. Plus, the RSVP deadline was soon, and none of them had replied, so I figured no one would at that point.
Well, the RSVP deadline is tomorrow, and two of his extra relatives have replied. I let him know about these two extra people, and his response was, "Uninvite them then."
He created this issue. I don’t know these people, don’t have their numbers, they’re not on social media, and I don’t even live in that country anymore. Yet, he’s making it my problem. The urge to go no contact and never see him again is strong, and I am RAGING.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
TenebrousSunshine
This would infuriate me to no end. I’d tell him to uninvited all the extras, or HE would no longer be invited. I have very little patience for boundary stompers.
violetlisa
And that only people on the guest list will be allowed into the wedding. Not on the list? Turned away at the door.
ResoluteMuse
“No worries Dad, they are still invited, you however are not.”
DRHdez
“Dad, call up all the people that were not on the list and tell them they’re not invited, or you can skip the wedding”
I’m afraid that you’ll still get a bunch of people that didn’t even RSVP because they’re not used to it.
The OP again responded:
ConsciousAd3109
That’s my biggest fear. But in a petty way, I would love to see that scene unfolding. I told my wedding planner about the situation and that if extra people show up to bluntly tell them what my dad did.
drunkenwaffle2721
Straight up tell them that your father decided not to respect you guest list that was small and you don't have space for them. Honestly uninvite your father aswell. He doesn't respect you and if he can pull this crap, imagine what he could do at the wedding. Don't let him see any details about vendors or venues, he WILL mess with it. Goodluck at your wedding, I hope it's everything you wished for<3
0x633546a298e734700b
My mother was trying to push her sister, my aunt, to get an invite. I hate my aunt. I told her that if she wanted her there then she is welcome to give up her place at my wedding. That stopped it. Tell your dad that he just gave up his invite to these people unless he un invites them.