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'AITA for not giving up my wedding venue to my pregnant sister who needs it more?' UPDATED

'AITA for not giving up my wedding venue to my pregnant sister who needs it more?' UPDATED


'AITA for not giving my sister my wedding venue even if she is pregnant and needs it more?'

Here's the original post:

My fiance and i have been together for 8 years and engaged for 3 .So what we did is book our dream venue 3 years in advance. it is really a beautiful venue. the only slot we got was September of this year. My sister got engaged a few months ago to her fiancee. They were planing on having a spring wedding next year . My sister got pregnant . I was really excited to be an aunt.

Yesterday our parents invited us and our SO`s to a family bbq, where my sister announced to our extended families that she is expecting . Everyone was so happy for her and my BIL ( who is a great guy).My Nan asked my sister of the wedding was still on the set date or if they were going to wait, because the baby will still be very very young at the set date.

She said no that she hoped to move it to September. NBD. Nan was happy and asked sister if she needed help planing such a short notice wedding . My sister then turns around and said"Thats what i wanted to talk to you about. I was really really hoping we could kinda like take your venue ? I really can not stress myself too much with planing a wedding while going to maternity classes.

And i think it is so beautiful! It would really mean a lot to me".it went silent. But everyone was looking at me expecting me to say "yes of course everything for my little sister !"My BIL looked very uncomfortable and told her that they had talked about this and that it was not okay to put me on the spot . But my sister just said " Don`t be like that! My sister wants to do whats best for me so its no big deal right?"

I just said " well it kind of is. I don't know . I have my heart really set on the venue" Cue the crying. She stormed off and my Nan told me that i was being selfish because she needed the venue more then I did. I tried to defend myself and my mother said " you waited 3 years. Would it have killed you to wait a few more moths? When has your sister ever asked you for something?"

A few comments later my fiance got really mad and we left. My sister called me crying and said that it was unfair that I always get what I want and that i could have done this one thing for her. my dad said it is just a venue and what matters is the person who you are marrying. He is kid of right... but we have been planning for so long . So I am wondering if i am the a-hole?

She then posted a series of updates:

My BIL called me and apologized for the inconvenience. He told me he had discussed it with my sister and she had told him she would not ask. He is properly mad with her now and warned me that my sister is blaming me for "potentially ruining her marriage". My father has sent me about 5 text along the lines of"I hope you are happy your sister hasn't stopped crying since yesterday"

And so on and so on. My fiance and I have decided to boot my sister from the bridal party and replace her with my aunt who is the only family member that took my side. We have not decided whether or not we will invite my family as a whole.Furthermore my mom took it upon her to tell on us.

She called fiancés parents and told them, that it would be best if my sister gets it because she is pregnant and pre-eclampsia runs in the family. Whatever that means. My future father in law told them to F off and basically ripped my Mom a new one for expecting something so ridiculous and that they were going to lose me if they keept playing favorites.

So my mom is now crying too and saying that my father in law is an ass.This is just getting so pathetic. It seems straight out of a bad soap opera.My in laws are driving to us currently with some supper and wine and basically told me to not worry and that no matter what happens that they will be my safety net. I cried of happiness

Part 3: So it hasn't been that long. But this post blew the hell up. I was expecting only a few answers but the support was overwhelming.What boggled my mind is that this story flooded over to mainstream media.But let's get to the story.So since this went viral a lot happened.

My Sister

My sister saw this story while browsing on her reddit acc. She lost her mind. She accused me of painting her like a looney and misinterpreting facts. (Info: My sister got wind of the situation due to various Media outlets and went on reddit )

She said that I was being unfair. That she is family and that she asked it nicely because she loves me.She also underlines the fact that the opinion of internet strangers doesn't count because family is more important and I should focus on making my family happy.The only text I sent back was this.

I am sorry that you percived it that way. I did not in any matter distort what happened. As you might notice I didn't describe your tone nor exaggerated anything. Perhaps you have that night different in your mind than I do, but I digress.

I am sick and tired to bending to your will. My whole life I have been your servant and your doormat. Remember all the birthdays I had to share with you because you would throw a tantrum because you didn't get presents? Or when you cried so that I would fill out job applications for you? But the thing that has hurt me most till now is when you ruined my graduation.

I am done. I admit that I also spoiled you but I will not any longer. If you want to marry so bad before your baby is born then you could look at [hotel x] that offers last minute weddings. I have spent too much time planing MY wedding to gift it to you.And if you want to ruin our relationship over this then go ahead. I will sleep sound and safe knowing that it wasn't my fault.

She only sent me a "wow.... You must love me so very much"

And blocked me. She unblocked me this morning to send me this:

Wedding planner : Hello dear, I got the message from your mother and will proceed with the rebooking of the venue on the spot . However this will have extra costs as we have to change the names on the contract. Please come by my office tommorow so we can sign the new contract. / Sister: Thats great ! I'll be there at 9!

My Parents

My parents haven't actually written me since the thing with my father in law. My older brother (yes I have an older brother but he lives in another city and wasn't at the BBQ, that's why I didn't mention him. Plus he initially could not come to the wedding because of work and changed his plans after hearing about all the story)

Contacted me and wanted to know what happened because he got a weird story from mom and dad. Mom had told him that I had offered previous to the BBQ to give up the venue to my sister and that I humiliated her

I told him what really happened and he had no problem believing me. We talked a lot about our parents behavior and he confessed that him moving was partly due to our parents being, and I quote, shit heads to us.He told me that mom had gotten wind from the post and was mad at me for betraying my family.

I haven't written my parents what so many of you adviced me to because I have to come to terms with the fact that they love my sister more than me (if they love me at all)

The wedding

We sat together and put passwords with majority of our vendors and also with the venue directly. (we didn't talk to our planner yet which is why the text of my sister worries me so much)

Also we canceled the catering that my parents paid for. So short term we won't be able to get a full catering like we wanted to. But all our friends and my fiancés family will help us prepare a buffet (and everyone is going to chip in). That will be our bachelor party. As we will have to spent more on our food now we canceled our bachelor parties and will have a family and friends cooking session.

Thank you again for helping me see how toxic my family is. I will try to sort it out. If they apologize from the bottom of their heart they will be allowed into my wedding but if not... Then well... I still have my brother (who will be walking me down to the aisle) and my aunt.

Part 4

We called my planner and she was actually really horrified. She told me she never had as much as talked to my mother since the day we went to book the venue.

She assured me that even if they were to call and say that I wanted it, I had to be present to make any changes. So we informed everyone that will work for us on our wedding and they offered to hire security for that day at a reduced price.


I hope that this time this doesn't get removed (or at least give me some reason damn it mods! 😂)

A few days have passed and we luckily have sorted many things out. Passwords are set with the vendors, security has been hired, recipes for the family and friends cookout have been chosen and i will start therapy soon.

Sadly some upsetting things have happened as well.

My sister of course is brigading against me on Facebook. Making constant passive aggressive remarks. Saying that I made her depressed etc. I have received many messages from her friends saying that I am bitch for treating her that way. I won't mention what happened to BIL. He wants to tell his story once he is ready.

I blocked every attempt at online harassment and my sister as well. But 2 days ago my sister's best friends egged my car. I called the police and my neighbor, whose hobby is to look outside the widow and spy on people, identified them two. She is a grumpy lady but actually very lovely once you get to meet her.

Now to the part that has me fuming. After not talking to my parents in several days they called and asked if we could talk things out. I was warry but agreed to meeting them with my fiance in our apartment. When they arrived you could tell my mom had been crying. And I honestly felt bad for 10 whole minutes.

Many of you guys said that they probably played favorites to avoid my sisters melt downs or that she might have been diagnosed with something and that's why they baby her. Well.... No. Turns out my sister is, like also many of you suspected, just an asshole. No medical history. No diagnosis nothing. We started chit chatting awkwardly then we began talking about the matter.

My father first asked us why we canceled the caterers, to which my fiancé responded that we didn't want to have anything they could hold over our heads. insert surprised Pikachu face from both of them

Dad acted offended and said he would never so that to which I said better safe than sorry. My mother continued with calling me disrespectful for talking in that manner to them. I called the disrespectful for all what they had said and done over the last few days.

We got in a heated argument about the venue again, to which my father repeated the "it doesn’t matter where you get married but the person you are marrying" bullshit. And finally finally I gave him the comeback so many of you guys wanted me to give. "yes dad exactly! But isn't it weird how that only applies to me and not my sister? As long as she is marrying BIL it doesn’t matter where right?"

It was dead quiet and my father was red like a tomato and gasping for air like a fish on land. My mother was quietly crying again and my . So I said" well I am waiting for your reasoning "

My father slapped his hands on the table and went on a rant about family and sacrifices and how a loving family should do what's In their power to make each other happy. I just responded" like how you tried to make me happy on my graduation day? You know when sister smashed my cake because she wasn't in the limelight? "

Quiet again. My mother quietly said" why do you hate us so much? " I looked at her and said" I could ask you guys the same thing " Again nothing. My parents knew that they had screwed up but they were not ready to admit it. My mother tried to guilt trip me saying that my sister is miserable, that she hasn't gone out in days because people judge her so much.

My father went on a tangent on how my little sister just needs more time and attention because she is the youngest etc etc. So basically excusing her behavior. I told them that I felt hurt because I now saw their blatant favoritism. That they didn't even try to conceal the fact that they loved my sister more. My mother tried to say that's not true! We love you all the same. I wasn't having it.

I opened a list I had written on my phone were I had written every point I could remember about them putting my sister before me. It was a very long list. Some had dates to it, some were more specific situations. When I was finished my parents were horrified, beatread and near tears.

They wanted to start explaining again how I was wrong but I said that this conversation was leading no where. They either set family counseling up for us and apologize to me or they won't be invited to the wedding. They left and haven't called since.


Finally, I get around to writing an update. I am sorry, that it took so long but I have a few updates to my life! I guess, however, that you guys are mainly here to see how my wedding played out and the aftermath with my family.

After I last spoke to my parents, they did not let go of their position. I was the bad guy, I was responsible for my sisters "depression" and her failing relationship. It went so far, that I had to block them and change my number as they were contacting me from relatives' phones and so on. It was a real bummer, especially during a time that should be so special.

I was harassed by my sister and her entourage on facebook and Instagram, so I simply deleted it. It was a mentally draining time, but my husband's family and friends and my brother helped me get through it. I had basically cut off every family member that had given me shit for keeping my wedding date. My Nan came to my door a few days before the wedding begging to let her come.

I had a long talk with Nan and she ended up apologizing even tho she still failed to see the logic in switching weddings. But she did not want to pressure me and wanted to be there for me. We hugged it out but our relationship is not back to normal yet.

The bachelor party was amazing. We were cooking until dawn and everything turned out to be delicious. My husband made a beautiful 3 layered cake.

Wedding day

The morning was really good and relaxing. My bridesmaids and I got ready, we drank some Prosecco made pictures. My dress fit perfectly and I just looked gorgeous. But then came time to leave for the ceremony. We were at the venue making "before" pictures with my friends when I saw the little car of my sister approaching the venue. Admittedy I was sh!tting my pants ...or well my dress.

One of my friends run to the venue to get one of the security people that we hired. I really didn't want another hulk smash moment at my wedding. She had been angry crying and as soon as she saw me she started screaming obscenities. Apparently I am a filthy bitch that made her fiance break up with her. She was like possed and at that moment I couldn't but feel pity for her.

A thing to explain is that in the mornings the plants are always watered at the venue by some of these sprinkler systems. Thus the earth was a bit muddy. The next thing happened really fast . my sister bent down to take mud and was getting ready to throw it at me and my dress when my maid of honor sprinted towards her and pushed her so that she fell with her butt into the flowers.

The security officer arrived seconds later and removed her. And with that, I had enough ammunition to file for a restraining order against her. I didn`t even want to file a police report at this point I just wanted her to stay away from me. The rest of the day was just amazing. I married my best friend, the love of my life and just my rock. My brother walked me down the altar. We all cried at the vows...

it was just spectacular. Of course, I missed my parents but it is what it is. The celebration was very funny. My husband had studied a choreography to a Taylor Swift song with his groom's Men and the speeches could have been from a stand-up club.

We left for our honeymoon and when we came back I decided to start looking for jobs in a different city. I didn`t want to lose my friends, but I just felt like I needed a clean break. I got a new job at a university in a bigger city and we are currently in the process of moving. But maybe the biggest change and also the most cliche change is that I am pregnant! It is a classic honeymoon -baby.

We haven`t really told anybody now in fear of something happening so you nice people are the first ones to know, besides my husband and me. I am so excited that I am tearing up just writing this. This was not something we planned for a few years but we are ecstatic regardless! I have only heard through people in town about the rest of my family.

My sister is still going around telling people that I was the reason BIL broke up with her and that I was trying to dox her. She has moved in with my parents again and refuses to work. Nan told me that the last time she saw my parents they looked exhausted because my sister was behaving like a baby. I guess their parenting is catching up with them. I can only say, that I am really happy right now.

It hurts having lost family but at the end of the day cutting out toxic people is the best I could do. I now have a husband and a honeymoon baby on the way. My very own family. Oh and a shiny backbone.

Thank you for reassuring me that I indeed was not being selfish, that my family was not in the right, thank you so much for just writing your comments supporting me. I even took up therapy but I have to say I am really enjoying life.

To answer some questions :

I do not know when or if BIL will ever will tell his story.

The baby of my sister is okay. When she fell she fell onto a soft flower"bed". The other question I got is how far along my sister was when this happened. I am not really sure but this was in September so she was less than 3 moths pregnant when that happened so barley showing if that gives you an estimate.

Here are some of the top comments:

foibleShmoible said:

NTA. How dare she put you on the spot like that. There is no reason they should get your venue, and derail your wedding, just because she is pregnant.

1.) You didn't get her pregnant, that is on them.

2.) She is the one deciding to move the wedding to September, she doesn't need it then, she wants it then. They can get married post baby, or get the official union pre-baby and have a celebration post baby, if it is important to them it not be born out of wedlock. Your nan and dad are also asses for trying to make you feel bad. Stay strong.

angesheep said:

She wants to get married ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE? Where is she gonna find her vendors!? You are NTA, since “it’s about who you’re marrying and not the venue” per your father’s comment, she can get married anywhere, and at this point, this late in the game, she’s gonna get married at the town hall and have an outdoor reception.

It’s August 11th, come on now. I spent TWO YEARS planning my wedding and it was on our farm! I can’t imagine at a venue. Ya right. Again NTA. I’m shook.

abitdark said:

NTA- I wouldn’t give her the venue either. That is bullshit. Just because they decide to reschedule sooner, they expect you to give something you had to reserve three years in advance? Your family are all a-holes including your Dad and nan. Your sisters shitty planning should not take away from your proper planning.

And SlayzorHunter said:

NTA. Imagine you spend 3 years building a house, putting so much care into its details and being so happy about it. Then, when you're so close to finally moving into it, your little sister comes and says "Hey, I'm going to have a bigger family than yours soon, and we need a house.

Would you mind us moving into yours? You can get ours, which will be done in a few months." Seriously, she's calling you out for always getting what you want? You want a wedding, and you kind of deserve it since YOU PLANNED IT 3 YEARS IN ADVANCE

She should have listened to your brother-in-law. I dread the thought of the embarrassment the poor guy must have felt after that.

Sources: Reddit
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