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'My fiancée called off our wedding because she fell while performing a handstand. AITA?' UPDATED

'My fiancée called off our wedding because she fell while performing a handstand. AITA?' UPDATED


"Fiance(f29) wants to uninvite everyone from our wedding because she fell out of a handstand"

Here's the original post:

Long story short, my fiance and I were invited to a BBQ at the new home of one of her bridesmaids/best friends, and there were a lot of games there too. After everyone ate, Naomi and her husband gathered everyone for an impromptu talent show and encouraged everyone to participate.

A few people didn't play, but my fiance did as a few of her friends did too. When it was her turn, she tried to use a chair to do a handstand/headstand on the grass, placing her head on the base of the chair and holding the armrest with her hands. But when she went up, the chair tipped backward as she fell on her back, and a few of us ran over including myself to make sure she was okay.

She was crying after it happened before me and one of her bridesmaids helped assist her to the bathroom away from everyone, and when we were inside, she said she wanted to leave. I helped her to the car and told her that I'd get her things so that she wouldn't have to see anyone anymore, and the bridesmaid/best friend stayed with her by the car as I did this.

She was still crying on the drive back, and when we got home, she wanted to be left alone. I figured it was best not to push her into talking, so I tried my best to give her the space she wanted

She didn't talk about it until the next day when she told me that she wanted to uninvite everyone at the party that saw her fall, and that was our first conversation. I told her that while I understood it was embarrassing and couldn't understand what she was feeling, uninviting everyone seemed like a bit much and might be emotional thinking too.

But after I said that, she said that she wanted to postpone the wedding, and I told her that she should take more time because she might feel differently in a few days, and she didn't find solace when I told her that no one would care in a couple of days too. She then said she didn't want to talk anymore and decided to sleep downstairs and eat separately from that night on, and it really hurt when she did that.

However, she also decided to contact the wedding planner and tell her that "we" decided to "cancel" behind my back, and that was what made me write my first post. When I tried to talk to her after finding out, she yelled at me and told me to leave her alone, and that was when I reached out to my parents who suggested that I try to contact hers

Edit: Our wedding was scheduled for the summer, and we had been together for a few years since around post-college after knowing each other in college. This was the first that I had ever seen her embarrassed in front of other people in such a way, but when others asked if she had shown similar reactions to things not going her way in the past, this was the first embarrassment like this.

I don't know if she's faced similar things at her job, but she does not work at a customer-facing company and never told me if it ever did

What do you think? This is what top commenters had to say:

LetItBe27 said:

Wow, she’s 29, throws a temper tantrum and cancels her wedding? If you say she hasn’t shown erratic behavior like this before, I’m wondering if she had a bad enough head injury that it’s affecting her ability to function mentally. I’m no doctor, but I have heard this is possible. Either way, this reaction is extreme.

[deleted] said:

I'm so sorry. It really sounds like something else was going on and she's just using this as an excuse to end it

leftytrash161 said:

She fell over and got so embarrassed that she canceled her wedding, ghosted all her friends and dumped her fiance in a big tantrum before running off to her sister's? Man I'm gonna be honest, she sounds unstable af and you may have dodged a bullet here, even tho I imagine you're hurting at the moment.

Seriously though, it seems like she needs professional help, "gross overreaction" doesnt even begin to cover what she's done here, shes nuked her (and your) whole life over a minor embarrassment.

Huntokar_Goddess said:

I am sorry this happened to you, but it appears you dodged a major, major bullet. Her reaction is so disproportionate, it borders on ridiculous.

Sol-Lucian said:

Seems like an over reaction by far. Maybe there is something she isn’t telling you..

[deleted] said:

Wait... She broke off the engagement and cancelled the wedding over a HANDSTAND?! Err... Do you really want to be within a couple of hundred miles of a person that irrational? Consider this a nuclear warhead dodged and thank your lucky stars. Holy $h!t.

Sockbum said:

Wait she's a former gymnast and got embarrassed over a fall? I'd definitely say she hurt her brain because all the gymnasts I've ever known take falling as a natural part or their life, especially in front of friends.

And LiLadybug81 said:

This may be a long shot, but how well did your GF know Naomi's husband? There seems to be some deep-rooted jealousy there, and I am wondering if her freaking out had more to do with her wanting to get his attention/being jealous of Naomi's life, and failing so miserably.

It would also explain not wanting to see them at the wedding, then cancelling the wedding, if she was having an emotional spinout because she had feelings for someone else and this embarassment in front of that person lit a powder keg which was already primed and ready to go off.

He later shared this update on the situation:

After ignoring me and telling the planner "we" were canceling, I felt that that was her way of saying we were done despite not officially saying it to me. When I tried to reach out to her parents numerous times before my first post, they missed every call and never returned my detailed email about what had happened in the week since the party.

A few people commented that I wasn't being considerate of her feelings, but I feel like I tried my best to support her. From helping her leave without seeing anyone/getting her things and not pushing her to talk until she was ready, I don't feel like I was pushy at all.

A few people also said that she could've suffered a brain injury from falling from chair height and never visiting a doctor, stating how side effects don't always show immediately but that she should still get checked out.

It was almost a week from the party when I wrote my first post, and in my edit, I said that I would try to call/email her parents again because my top priority was making sure she was okay and hoping that they could convince her to see a doctor (since she refused when I asked).

I've since tried to call/email them numerous times, but I have since been blocked as my email has not been returned either. I've tried to talk to my fiance since too, but she said that she'd be leaving to stay with her sister after she gathered everything she wanted to

I'll get back to that in a moment, but her best friends/bridesmaids reached out to me to ask me how she was doing since the fall, and they also told me that she had ghosted their texts/calls and that they were concerned about her.

I was surprised because some of them were her best friends, and if she'd vent to anyone, I figured it'd be them. They were also concerned that she didn't get checked and had left their messages on read, but as of writing this, she has also blocked them too.

However, one of her best friends sent me a text that my fiance sent to her about the bridesmaid who helped her to the bathroom, and as far as I know, she's the only one who received a response so far.

Long story short, my fiance vented to her about how she "didn't want help" when she and a few others including myself ran over after she fell, and she also vented about how Naomi and her husband were "show-offs" for hosting a barbeque in their new home among other things.

However, when the best friend told her that "no one was thinking about her fall" and that "everyone who ran over was genuinely concerned about her" and that she should get herself checked, that's when she blocked her and didn't respond.

As of right now, my ex-fiance is staying with her sister after she came over to help her with her things, and it was only when she was there that my fiance finally decided to say that she was done.

I told her that I received the message when she told the planner "we" had canceled behind my back, but some of her best friends told me that they were sorry for me and that they were surprised with her actions too after hearing about how she treated me at home. I personally thought that it was connected to her pride of currently doing yoga and being a former gymnast,

but some things I guess I'll never know. It still hurts a lot with the sudden shock, but some people recommended talking to a therapist and it's something I'm trying to consider with my insurance. Wedding stuff is complicated, but I just want it to be over soon. Dad's suggesting a lawyer, and that's where we're looking at right now although it still hurts like hell

Sources: Reddit
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