'AITA for canceling the limo for my foster parents since they won't help with the wedding?'
"AITA for canceling the limo (and more) for my foster parents since they're not helping with the wedding?"
Fragrant-Map-9135
I 22 (F) and my 26 fiance (M) have been planning our wedding since March, our wedding is next week 30th Sept. The whole wedding process was smooth because money is not an issue plus my father-in-law and his wife have also offered us help along the way. Since the whole process started, my family has done nothing to help me with anything and whenever I was talking to them, helping me was never a topic.
So here’s where everything started going wrong. Around June I called them asking them if they could take the 2 younger girls to buy flower girl dresses for the wedding. They told me there’s no reason to buy brand new dresses when there’s a bunch of white dresses that they’ve worn to previous weddings.
They said that they could reuse those dresses instead of spending money on new ones, then if I say no, she would proceed to tell me how expensive clothes are and that they don’t want to waste money.
So with that I cut contact and only talked to them whenever I needed them to send me names of the people they invited. I stopped talking to them regularly because whenever I’d talk to them about buying anything for the wedding they’d complain and tell me their money problems as if we don’t all have bills to pay.
Fast forward to a few days ago, I sat down with my fiance and his mother and they were asking me about my family and the support that they’ve given because, traditionally, weddings are done by the bride's family, and we are not meant to spend a lot. I let them know that through the whole wedding planning they have never offered help at all.
My mother-in-law was shocked to hear this but she believed me because sometimes when they would complain about money I always happened to be with her and she was always listening.
So after everything basically sunk in, I messaged them letting them know that the wedding is next week and ask if they would want to give contributions if they could. Before she even responded, my foster sister told my fiance, “my parents don’t help her because they’re not her biological parents and they want her to do whatever she wants".
After hearing this, I messaged the mum back and I said forget about the message about contributing because now I know why you were never that involved. I also let her know that everything that I had prepared for them on the day will be canceled including the limo. I let her know that even if we can’t cancel it I’ll move it to another day and the bridal team can use it since they’ve helped me more than anyone.
Her response for not offering help was that whenever she called me I never answered the phone and that all I did was text her knowing she doesn’t like texting back. Which to me is bs because if it was your bio child, you wouldn’t have stopped helping just because they’re texting you instead of calling.
Keep in mind that I limited contact when she was constantly complaining about money and bills whenever I asked her to do something. So, AITA for canceling everything and was I the a**hole for limiting contact when they kept complaining about money?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Candid-Quail-9927
NTA. Why show the respect they don’t deserve. Not even about not helping or contributing, it sounds like they are not excited or even happy for you and your big day. Enjoy your day and it’s not like you disinvited them, if they care they will show up and if not you know where you stand.
The OP responded here:
Fragrant-Map-9135
I just wanted to add. The flight they’re catching I also paid for 2 people due to the fact they complained as well that it was too much money.
facinationstreet
You can't get blood from a stone. If your foster parents don't have the resources and don't feel like it is their want to pay for the wedding, they aren't obliged. At least you now know where you stand. The finance conversation should have happened at the beginning.
Emotional_Cherry_718
NTA - It seems like you found a great way to save money for the wedding after all. Be sure to thank them for the advice! Congratulations and enjoy your big day!
emptynest_nana
NTA. It really sounds like they want the honor and the look at me stuff but don't care to actually put in any effort to deserve it. Go have the best day, start your life with the man of your dreams. Congratulations!!!
butterfly-garden
NTA. Cancel one more thing-their invitation. They don't deserve to attend. Also make sure that you have people to escort them out if they show up.
Jen0507
Info: What type of help were you expecting?
It kind of sounds like they don't have funds to buy new dresses or offer financial help for the wedding. If you just wanted support, that's OK. If you expected money, that's not. It also sounds like they're a plane ride away and really couldn't be there to assist planning that much.
You are all bad at communicating. Not answering calls, not answering texts, and your sister is speaking supposedly on their behalf. It's all a bit messy.
The OP again responded:
Fragrant-Map-9135
Sorry I may have said it wrong, I wasn’t expecting anything from them, just wanted them to offer help on their own because they were always demanding for certain things to happen. They would throw comments like I can’t wait to be in the limo, I can’t wait to see what the food is like, can you do photos here, can you hire the limo for a certain amount of hours.
But I was calling and texting but when we were on the phone they would complain about financial things and I wasn’t even asking for myself I was asking them to sort out dresses for their kids. When I text they look at it and ignore it. I cut communication after the money complaints got too much for me.
And even suggested to use old dresses for the girls and I refused. But I was never expecting anything from them financially I just wanted them to have the decency to help out considering the demands that they were throwing our way. Even if it was just support, it would’ve been nice but that too never happened.