My now husband and I got married on Halloween and I’m not okay with how our day went. We didn’t want anything big, just close friends and family, at the courthouse, dressed in costumes. There were supposed to be 12 adults and one child that was on our guess list.
Let’s start off with the night before. My husband got sick and he took the whole day to recover to be well. The plan was to get my nails done, have my mom French braid my hair, then go home, help him feel better and pack.
When I got to my parents house, my mom informed me that my two aunts weren’t coming and that she invited my cousin. I didn’t want him there, firstly. Second, she told me as my dad was on the way to pick him and my sister up.
I love my cousin, but I’m not close with him and he’s a heavy drinker that everybody enables. My small reception was not dry and she promised me he wouldn’t be a problem. The reception was at my parents house, so she was busy cleaning.
I still needed to comb my hair out and she wanted to surprise me with decorations. Long story short, we were running low on time as it was 9pm and I needed to head home to sleep since our wedding was early in the morning.
She doesn’t start my hair until after her and my cousin start drinking and smoking. I’m already annoyed. I make it home at midnight and still have to check on my hubby and pack. I go to bed at 3 am and have to be up at 5 am but I woke up 30 min late.
I drive back to her house to get ready and help her get ready. When I get there, everyone is sleeping because after they put up the decorations, they stayed up drinking and smoking. Already running late and stressing because the veil I made myself wouldn’t stay, my cousin starts rushing me.
My parents start fighting loudly and I’m already exhausted. We make it to the courthouse, get married and I got a hand full of pictures, but everyone else is in like 30 pictures. I got 1 picture that I liked and only 10 were taken.
We get brunch and only my friends are talking to me and my husband. Everyone else isn’t even paying attention to us. My mom keeps saying “I’m a mother-in-law today” my friends had to leave (they let us know in advance) so now it’s just my family.
My cousin is super drunk, won’t stop talking, no one is listening to me and the only person that keeps checking on me is my husband. Eventually, I get overwhelmed and we check into our hotel and take a nap.
2-3 hrs later, we head back to the house to give everyone a second chance. But they are clearly more intoxicated and loud. Cuss words are flying. My husband tries to calm me down by telling me to start playing our wedding playlist that we made ourselves. The entire time, my cousin is complaining about the music. He wanted us to play more hardcore rap.
Now, I wasn’t opposed to song requests and even played some songs he requested. But every song that wasn’t his, he complained, asked me to turn it off, or asked why would I play this song. Our first dance was to “can I have this dance” from HSM and he asked me to turn it off.
When we were ready to cut the cake, no one came and took pictures. No one was even in the room with us because my cousin was drunk rapping his hot mess “bars.” My wedding day didn’t feel like my day. I had no say in anything, no one paid attention to us, and I have one picture.
This was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, but here I am. I’m crying at 4:32 am on Reddit, no sleep, while my husband sleeps peacefully. I couldn’t tell him earlier because we had to get intoxicate just to deal with them and he already doesn’t like my dad so I didn’t want him to say anything in that situation.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. It sounds so difficult and I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you because of your horrible family who are full of themselves. I would suggest you to talk to your husband about this, let him know how you feel and have a good wedding plan once again but only both because it’s not about everyone else.
It’s the bond between you both. If you want to, you can invite your close friends. Have a photographer take some memorable pictures, buy a cake and cut, have a beautiful ride or picnic or a day out, whatever suits you both the most.
I'm so sorry. There is no rule that you can only have one ceremony. Maybe consider having a "do over" ceremony later on for just the 2 of you? Go someplace fun...Vegas, a park, a beach, camping in the woods, etc.
I would literally never speak to my family again.
I posted here about how my parents and cousin ruined my wedding and how I didn’t know what to do. I got a lot of responses to think on and a lot has happened since then. So, here’s the update.
After posting here I tried to get some sleep but couldn’t and ended up waking my husband. He and I talked and he told me he felt the same way. I cried all morning until he made me lay down to finally sleep. I maybe got 3 hours of sleep before waking up in incredible pain and feeling nauseous.
We checked out of our hotel early and went to the hospital. I had the same sickness he had the day before our wedding. We went back to my parents house so I could get some real sleep before making the drive home. We did not talk to my parents about it.
After talking to our friends we decided that we would redo the pictures next Wednesday and have a mini party to celebrate. My husband told me to feel my feelings but not to worry about it because he would fix it. I trust that he will.
What I hadn’t mentioned in my previous post was this was my first wedding and we we’re having another one next year for everyone to come to. Which is why it hurt so much to have my mom do that to me.
Neither one of us are particularly close with our families but, as to not have drama, we decided to have a smaller, intimate one this year and the bigger, more extravagant one next year.
After what happened with this wedding we both made the decision that my mom would never have the opportunity to do this to me again and she will have no say so in the next one. We did eventually talk to my mom about her actions and it went about as expected.
She made herself to be the victim and me out to be the bad guy. She used my aunt's passing as an excuse to invite my cousin. She also told me she asked if he could come but doesn’t see that she gave me no way to say no. She doesn’t understand how she ruined our day. “I’m sorry you feel like I ruined your day” was the apology I received.
Eventually I gave up trying to get her to understand how she ruined our day and the fact that we weren’t mad at her just extremely hurt. I did tell her that there was no way for her to make this up to me and apparently that was the wrong thing to say. I “grey rocked” her until she got off the phone and cried into my husband’s chest until he made me laugh.
As for going NC or LC with my parents. I was already LC with my dad for things in the past and I’m currently LC with my mom but she doesn’t get that. She’s called me 20x today alone and I haven’t answered once.
I’m working on processing things that happened in childhood but I can’t get over the fact that they’re my parents. I know with everything that has happened, not even just my wedding, that I should be NC with them. For some reason my heart won’t let me. LC for now.
We appreciate the comments you guys left and he really enjoyed reading that he’s doing a good job. I really did pick a good one and even though our wedding day wasn’t what we wanted I did marry the love of my life.
He continues to prove that to me daily and I’ve never been happier. Unless something of more significance happens, this will be the only update. Thank you again and I hope you all enjoyed your Halloween.
good lord OP's family sounds like absolute trash.
There’s this book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents that’s going to be a trip if you haven’t already read it. I’m glad your husband is supportive, too. Congrats on marrying a man you can feel vulnerable with who has your back! I’m sorry this is happening.
I’ve heard of it and I’ve been considering reading it. If I’m gonna be honest realizing my dad isn’t who I thought he was as a former Daddy’s girl was a pain I never wanted to experience and realizing my mom is the same is lowkey killing me on the inside. I’m not sure I’m mentally ready but when I am more stable mentally I will be reading that book.
With some of these I just end up wanting to give the OP a big hug. What a crappy family. I hope she gets to build her own wonderful one.