'Bridesmaid removed from the bridal party because she's pregnant.'
"Bridesmaid removed from the bridal party because she's pregnant."
I have a friend who has been seemingly waiting her entire life to have a wedding just to be in control of things. She literally sent out invitations telling her guests about her expectations on how they act at her wedding.
She asked me (gay man) to be in the Bridal Party and I said yes initially- very excited to share this important moment with her. I went dress shopping with her and was extremely supportive throughout the entire process.
She planned her bachelorette to New Orleans, which I was initially so stoked over, despite it going to run up a hefty bill while I am trying to save for nursing school.
I committed to going under the pretenses that I would be sharing a room with one our mutual friends (we’ll call her Gina). Everyone else in the Bridal Party belong to a new friend group she has through her soon-to-be husband. They are all married to the Groomsmen, who were also supposed to be going to New Orleans as a joint bachelor/bachelorette party.
Other than her sister, me and my Gina were the odd ones out- the only ones going without significant others and the only ones not in this new friend group of the brides. I literally did not know any of the groomsmen or any of the bridal party besides Gina and the brides sister (kind of).
Fast forward- Gina asked me and the bride to go out to dinner one night. I couldn’t make it because I worked. But asking us to go out to dinner was just because Gina wanted to tell us that she was pregnant with her terrible boyfriend’s baby. She has been dating this piece of s&(* for nearly 10 years. Since before I ever even knew her.
So I take their relationship with a grain of salt because she is in the driver’s seat of her own relationship and chooses to stay there. She makes the money, pays the rent, pays all the other bills, and her boyfriend basically doesn’t work and cheats on her all the time. He doesn’t ever even do the bare minimum in literally any situation.
He’s just a total freeloader who walks all over Gina. But all you can do to a friend, seemingly stuck in that awful relationship, is be there for her. Otherwise, why be friends with her at all???
Anyways. Once the bride in question found out that Gina was pregnant- she disinvited her from the bridal party entirely. The bride never told me this. She just disinvited her on the sly. I found out when I saw she got removed from the bridal party group chat.
So I called the bride to ask her why Gina wasn’t involved anymore and she phrased it like she didn’t want her to stress about the wedding while being pregnant, even though she pretty clearly conveyed to me in other means that she was just pissed off that she got pregnant. And she told me Gina was nearly in tears on the phone as the bride disinvited her from the bridal party.
The bride is extremely bitter towards all of her friends having children. She claims to not want them for herself but gets so frustrated when she gets sidelined by friends because they start families. It is honestly childish behavior. And it’s serial at this point. She is always making comments about her friends essentially biting the dust after having children.
So when she disinvited Gina- I was left without a roommate for New Orleans…. or so I thought. It turns out that the bride impromptu made an addition to the bridal party last minute, and threw her in my room for New Orleans. I had never met this girl. She didn’t know me and was expected to share a room with me?? The idea was never even ran past me. It all happened in the blink of an eye.
I was honestly annoyed. The New Orleans trip just became a burden. Now I knew nobody going besides the bride and her sister (kind of) and I was forced to share a room with a total stranger whom I never met before- when everyone else was rooming with significant others.
She broke this news to me over the phone after I asked her and I just kind of froze. This was no longer the New Orleans trip I cosigned on. And her blatant disregard for me in this decision making process baffled me.
So I took time to process, and eventually let her know that I could no longer make it to New Orleans. I blamed it on financials to avoid friction and attempt to salvage our friendship, but that wasn’t good enough for her. She was pi^%&d. She asked me if I “even wanted to be in the bridal party.”
And I was honestly so caught off guard by the question and knew she was insinuating that there was no place for me in it anymore. So I said “guess not.” And she told me I can come to the wedding as a guest.
A couple of weeks ago she texted me disinviting me from the wedding entirely. We have been friends for 10 years. She ended our relationship entirely over her stupid ass wedding that she waited her entire life for- and not for a magical moment- but rather to exert dictator like power over a situation.
I’m considering the bullet dodged at this point and the money saved. I have yet to experience a wedding I even remotely enjoy. They all end up being god tier level drama with hefty price tags tied to them.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
I'm sorry that your friendship has ended this way. You didn't deserve that treatment and neither did your other friend, Gina. I do think you will be glad to not deal with the stress of the wedding - and by stress, I mean bride created stress. Hopefully, you and Gina will stay friends and I will cross my fingers that Gina loses the jerk off a boyfriend that she's with!
May Bridezilla have the wedding she deserves.
It's like that old quote (I have paraphrased): "People are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Be careful not to force them into the wrong category."
The bride has shown her true colors and seems like she has lost focus on what is important - because when the wedding is over, what will she be left with. Sorry you had to go through all that but you are a good example of saying no when it no longer made sense and it was straight up disrespectful. Good luck in nursing school btw!
In the comments OP added this:
I didn’t want to terminate the friendship over this. But everything changed when she texted me to let me know that she was disinviting me and that our friendship was over.
When she texted me this:
Hey, we haven’t talked in a while and this may seem out of the blue, but I’ve been thinking about the last conversation we had. It really hurt me. I sat on this for a while and decided that it’s best if you don’t come to the wedding anymore.
This isn’t coming from a place of anger, but it’s clarity about what I want to protect and put my energy into moving forward. I don’t expect a response, but I just wanted to be honest with you so you understand my decision and why you won’t be receiving an invitation.
I responded with:
Hey it’s totally fine! I just feel like your emotional depth beyond anybody besides yourself is extremely limited.
You fully disinvited Gina from your wedding party because she got pregnant and you can put on a phony persona and act like you didn’t, but that is genuinely one of the lowest things I have ever seen a friend do to another friend. She needs support more now than ever and not straight up pettiness from a bitter friend.
You had zero regard for my emotions when you threw me in a room with an impromptu addition to your bridal party and undermined my very valid concerns about your bachelorette party.
Our relationship has always been one sided. I would bend over backwards endlessly to do anything for you- without you even having to ask.
I can’t say the same back. I had to basically b^&*& you out to get added to [our music festival group] during the [specific music festival] ordeal and I literally got you a job when you needed and paired you up with your roommates in Rome. You didn’t even show up for my 21st birthday party. I was at everything you ever asked me to attend.
I honestly don’t care I’m not invited to your wedding anymore. You were probably ecstatic to be able to have the power to control that. I wasn’t going to go anyways because I am having a hard time reconciling how you feel that I am the bad guy in this situation.
You act like a full fledged child and I hope when you come down from this bridezilla cloud you ride on- you realize how s%^$%y you were to your friends in this process.