A bride-to-be posted her dilemma on Reddit, and received a world of opinions. Isn't the internet so generous sometimes? Read all about her wedding drama and then you decide who the a-hole is:
AITA (Am I the as*hole) for asking my bridesmaids what they’re period cycle is for my upcoming wedding?
Hi peeps… future bride here. Ok so I’m in a bit of a pickle and some friends have called me out and labeled me a “psycho” for this. I’m planing my upcoming summer wedding, it’s a destination wedding and EVERYONE will need to fly into said country to attend. I am also planning to get married in the end of summer so yeah it’s still gonna be hellish.
The situation is I’m a very hands off bride, I’ve let the bridesmaids pick a color they believe suits all of them and long as the material is the same, and I’ve let them pick their own designs because each girl has a different body type/personality and they know what works best for them.
My partner and I haven’t yet decided on a day but we chose the month. I asked my bridesmaid “ladies, does everyone know their cycle? So I can book the wedding day on a day that everyone is gonna be ok?”
I explained that I’ve vacationed there before and I was on my period and I HATED IT! The heat, the cramps, the bloating, the breakout, the paranoia of staining my clothes, it was awful.
And I wanted to make sure that all the girl felt super comfy and didn’t experience any of the challenges I faced especially if they felt obliged to fake smile and be present when they’re suffering. I want them to be happy and carefree and not feel forced to show up for me at the cost of their well-being.
A few of the girls were happy that I asked, a few gave mixed signals but expressed that they’re on the pill so if it were to happen they’d be fine. Some of my friends however gave me hell for it and called me an invasive bridezilla. These are my best friends and I asked them this question privately in our group setting ONCE. And the rest of our friends found out hence why I’m here.
So…AITA (Am I the as*hole) for trying to work around their periods??
Reddit was all over the board with this one, but most people appreciated the intentions behind OP's request.
NAH (No a-holes here), I personally think what you're doing is pretty damn accommodating. Nobody thinks about that kind of stuff and the fact that you are trying to make everyone happy and comfortable is pretty awesome. However, I can understand your friends' mixed feelings. There's so much stigma around a woman's period and some women feel like they have to keep it private no matter what your intentions are, and who's asking.
It's just a straight up a weird question that you would even ask or consider in planning the date of your wedding. In a group of girls, SOMEONE is bound to have their period on any given day, you can't schedule a wedding that far in advance based on all of your bridesmaids cycles.
Also, if the wedding isn't until late summer, almost a year away, how is anyone supposed to know that far in advance when their period will be? And they are likely all adults who know how to handle it even if their time of the month comes while at your wedding. It's an absolutely absurd question.
I was going to say Y T A (you're the a-hole) but you hadn't had any selfish bridezilla reasons or such but actually cared a lot! NTA (Not the a-hole) in any case! Periods are a normal thing so no problem in talking about it. Cramps and other health issues are pretty common and can be hell.
You experienced it and felt terrible. Now you want to protect your friends from this experience. They're paying a lot of money to celebrate you on your special day. It's awesome that you want them to actually enjoy it as much as possible. You seem to be a really good friend.
I can see the good intentions but I think you shouldn’t be surprised that some of them are upset.
And Zadsta responds:
Why be upset tho? They can simply say “I don’t feel comfortable volunteering that information, but anytime works for me!” She didn’t say “tell me when your period is or you can’t come to my wedding.”
NTA- I have endometriosis and my periods are extremely painful and will keep me in bed for a day or two each month. I feel like this was genuinely out of love and consideration for your friends. If they weren’t comfortable discussing or disclosing this information, they could have messaged you privately and said as much.
But periods aren’t this taboo thing at this point in time and it’s okay to acknowledge them as talk about them. But if someone isn’t okay with talking about theirs, they don’t have to.
Slight YTA (you're the a-hole). That's just weird. A hands off bride but having to know periods. Even if it wasn't a weird thing to ask: how do you plan on solving 'the period thing' if everyone has a different cycle? Just pick a date you want and all bridesmaids will deal with their periods on there own as they have for years.
NTA. Your intention is actually really sweet, but I can see why some people would feel that was invasive, however calling you psycho when (I assume) you explained it was for their comfort and you want to schedule accordingly seems ridiculous to me.