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Man asks if he's wrong to send cousin bill after being disinvited from wedding.

Man asks if he's wrong to send cousin bill after being disinvited from wedding.


In a post on Reddit a guy did some work up front for free, assuming he was invited to the event the work was for. After finding out we he wasn't invited, he decided the work shouldn't be for free. Here's his story.

I own a printing company that I run with my wife. Her cousin came to us and wanted us to do all the signage, banners, guest books, life-sized cutouts, etc for her wedding.

We do this all the time for friends' weddings and events, and we never charge. We're happy to help out and it's usually a lot of fun working together to make some cool stuff.

A few weeks before the wedding, her wedding planner tells us they need all the items by X date so they can set it up for the wedding. At this point, we hadn't received our wedding invitations and didn't even know when the actual wedding was.

My wife texts her and tries to clarify when the wedding is and if we missed the invitation somehow. Her cousin replies and says 'Oh we downsized the wedding and we decided to have like a close friends and family thing' and that they didn't have space for us in the small venue.

My wife and I are pretty hurt and insulted. And on top of it, we've spent close to $2000 on all the materials. Her cousin and the wedding planner kept making tiny revisions to the artwork, had us print samples to see how it would look in person, resized several of the items a few times, etc.

All that cost a ton of time and money. And we're a functioning business, so we either had to delay other orders or stay late and print her stuff on our own time.

So I went ahead and billed her for our cost and said we needed payment before delivery because I'm not going to chase her for payment for months/years after the wedding. We're not making money on it, just charged her for the cost of materials.

So far we've gotten threatening calls from the cousin, her fiance, some random members of my wife's family that I don't know, some of the groomsmen, etc essentially calling us assholes.

After the harassment, I'm considering charging full price or else we won't deliver the items.

Are we the assholes here? Sorry but I'm not going to waste my hard earned time and money on someone who doesn't even consider us 'close friends and family'

Conversation with OP:

tatersprout says:

NTA They used you. Look at how much money they saved. $2000 is not a normal wedding gift. I suggest from now on you ask to be paid but give a discount. You shouldn't end up in the red because of a gift unless you can write it off.

Ask yourself if they never intended to invite you and just wanted free services.

BallsackJuicer from OP:

It usually ends up being a couple hundred dollars max. The constant revisions and re-prints jacked the price up considerably, we were still at that awkward stage where we couldn't exactly tell them 'heyyy so this is getting kinda expensive'

GremlinAtWork says:

This sort of stuff really needs to be hashed out before money is spent and materials are used. Friends and family are the WORST for this kind of thing - people find all kinds of ways to justify taking advantage of relatives and loved ones because 'family' is an excellent guilt tool.

That said, NTA. Never work for free. Absolutely charge them full price.

BallsackJuicer from OP:

It usually ends up being $200-300 hundred dollars max because people understand we're doing a favor and have the decency not to request dozens of tiny changes that nobody will ever notice.

We definitely learned our lesson

Anonymous3105 says:

NTA, document all those calls and texts...Tell them the more you get harassed the price is going to continue to increase....Also what is your wife's stance on this (since it wasn't mentioned)? NTA regardless

BallsackJuicer from OP:

She's devastated. She's the most generous person I know and she gets so much joy out of helping friends/family with their special events.

They kept trying to guilt her and made vague threats so I took over the messaging. That's when the groomsmen stepped in. Total disaster man.

TaliesinWI says:

NTA. What exactly are they threatening you WITH? 'Give us free shit or we'll call the cops'?

BallsackJuicer from OP:

The groomsmen are messaging me with frat bro garbage like 'you're not gonna f**k up our boy's wedding.' Everyone else is saying how we made it about us, and now the bride has to deal with this, etc. Nothing of substance

Braign says:

'sorry, we had to downsize the discount to cover close friends and family only.' NTA.

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