'AITA for skipping my stepdaughter's wedding after years of disrespect?' EDIT FROM OP
"AITA for Skipping My Stepdaughter's Wedding After Years of Disrespect?"
SereneChaosExplorer
AITA for refusing to attend my stepdaughter's wedding? Background: My stepdaughter has always been daddy's little princess. Her wedding is approaching, and she's turned into a bridezilla, expecting everyone to cater to her whims.
She insisted on a lavish affair, and I'm expected to play the role of the loving stepmom. Here's the kicker – she never accepted me into the family and always treated me like an outsider.
So, after years of enduring her subtle jabs and snide comments, I've had enough. I told my husband that I won't be attending the wedding. Why should I pretend to be happy for her when she never showed me any respect?
Now, my husband and his entire family are furious with me, claiming I'm ruining her special day. Am I the ahole for standing up for myself and refusing to play the role of the supportive stepmom after years of being treated like an afterthought?
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this initial post:
jrm1102
YTA - I’m going to go out on a limb here and say youre the AH. As you provided no context to the “constant disrespect” but did insult your stepdaughter in your post I’m going to guess this isn’t some one sided conflict.
But choosing her wedding to make this stand and make a stink is an AH thing to do. If you have a problem with her, address through communication, not try and make the wedding all about you.
Gigi-lily
Yup, that “daddy’s little princess” jab and the tone told me all I needed to know. If I am being generous it is clear the disdain goes both ways and maybe it is a reaction to how you were initially treated but yikesyikesyikes.
Edit - in response to your edit, I still see you as the AH here. You havent listed anything that I would consider “constant disrespect” - just that you have a contentious relationship. A wedding is not the hill to die on here.
Fionaelaine4
I’m going to bet the bride’s mom died when she was a kid or something too so the relationship with dad was extra close. I’d love to know what the “cater to her whims” entail bc I could see it being that OP not wear a white dress to the wedding lmao.
DeeVa72
Hahahaha ???? OP is totally giving off that vibe, right??
The OP provided an update quickly after comments poured in.
"Edit"
SereneChaosExplorer
Wow, I've been reading through the comments, and I realize many of you think I'm the ahole. It's given me some perspective, and I appreciate the different viewpoints. I want to provide more details on how my stepdaughter has treated me over the years.
Her disrespectful behavior wasn't always overt but manifested in subtle yet hurtful ways. She consistently excluded me from family discussions and events, making it clear I wasn't considered an integral part of the family. Rare acknowledgments were often accompanied by dismissive comments or condescending tones.
On various occasions, she compared me unfavorably to her biological mother, emphasizing that my husband was happier when he was with her. These accumulated instances of disrespect made it challenging to connect and contributed to my decision not to attend her wedding.
My husband, who invited me to the wedding, hasn't been the best at managing the dynamic between his daughter and me. He often downplayed her disrespectful behavior, urging me to "let it slide" for the sake of family harmony.
This lack of acknowledgment and support added to the strain on our relationship. The wedding became a breaking point, as he expected me to play the supportive stepmother despite the years of disrespect. It's a complex situation, and I'm grappling with how poorly it's been handled on multiple fronts.
Here were the top rated comments after the OP's edit:
wildmishie
INFO: What was your expected role in the wedding? 'Suppotive Stepmom' just sounds like you needed to show up.
suggie75
She would be playing the role of dad’s plus one. Which is all the more reason YTA…she’s not going for her husband’s sake.
Jonny-Pasadena
Your lack of specifics and the hurtfulness that your absence at the wedding would inflict upon your husband suggest that you’re living up to every wicked stepmother cliché. Barring some more information, YTA.
keesouth
YTA This is just childish. If she invited you then you should go. It looks like you're using her wedding for petty revenge.
jenniw3g
Yta you pick her wedding day to skip out after “years of enduring her subtle jabs and snide comments”?
DELILAHBELLE2605
YTA. Go and be polite like an adult. You actually sound jealous and competitive with her. What are some concrete examples of what’s she’s done? How old was she when you came along? You left out tons of details which leads me to thinking you’re the AH.
This also won’t help your relationship with your husband. And she’ll always come before you. He can’f replace her but he can get a new wife. And if she has kids he will want to be involved… so think long and hard before you go nuclear.