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Man judged for standing in back at cousin's wedding; 'I gave a eulogy here last night.'

Man judged for standing in back at cousin's wedding; 'I gave a eulogy here last night.'

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"AITA for standing in the back at my cousin’s wedding?"

TheQBQB

I (25M) gave the eulogy at one of my students’ funerals on Tuesday of last week. I am a youth volunteer at my church and I’ve been with this group of 5 students since they were in 6th grade. They’re all now sophomores in high school.

Another one of the girls in the group is my childhood best friend’s sister, who was closest to the student who died. My childhood friend died when we were in 7th grade.

Somehow his was the last funeral I ever attended. I made it through this funeral, granted I felt like I was going to throw up, pass out, or both. That said I delivered the eulogy the best I could.

Fast forward to yesterday. My cousin got married in the same chapel. It feels stupid to admit but from the moment we got there my hands were shaking, my head hurt, I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath, my legs were bouncing. When two relatives commented that I was pale, I quietly excused myself to the back before the procession started.

I stayed back there because I felt certain I was going to throw up or need to go outside for air. I didn’t draw any attention to myself. At least I didn’t think I did. My aunt and uncle (bride’s parents) noticed.

They along with my cousin told me to leave before the reception. Their main point was the food and dancing were for people who attended the wedding, and since I didn’t attend (even though I did).

I wasn’t permitted to stay. I didn’t feel well so I didn’t argue, but they’re still mad even after I explained myself, saying I’m not putting family first which I guess makes me an AH maybe. AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers:

_mmiggs_

NTA

Your aunt and uncle are, though. I assume you're not a regular churchgoer, so had a strong association between being in chapel, and the funeral of your student.

You can't control your bodily responses. Your relatives noticed you were pale, you thought you might throw up or pass out, so you stood at the back to minimize the disruption you'd cause if there was a problem. You made a sensible choice.

People who think they might need to leave the church in a hurry often lurk at the back. I've spent years haunting the back pew with one baby or another, or juggling said baby walking up and down at the back.

I'm guessing your aunt and uncle thought in the moment you were making some kind of "not participating in your religion" point by standing at the back. Regardless, they're still AH.

The OP responded here:

TheQBQB

Not at all, I help with the youth group at my church most weekends, which is how I knew this student. Church is usually where I’m most comfortable.

Intelligent_Echo7998

They are being unreasonably cruel, you attended the wedding in a discreet area near the videographer.

Hell my sister (in the wedding party) projectile vomited at the front of the church in the middle of the wedding... She still got to come to the reception 😂. NTA.

The OP again responded here:

TheQBQB

Oh my… that had to have been awful.

EndielXenon

Oh man... my heart aches for you. It shouldn't even need to be said, but you are NTA. Let me repeat that for you: NTA NTA NTA NTA!

Confident-Try20

NTA!! You know some people can't handle death and people passing away as well as others. First of all it was one of your students, It's understandable for you to be emotional, sad and traumatized by giving a Eulogy, in front of tons and tons of people for a young man or woman that passed to early.

"I (25M) gave the eulogy at one of my students’ funerals on Tuesday of last week

My childhood friend died when we were in 7th grade."

Then also having a friend die when you were both at a young age? It's a traumatic response. You chose to stay out of the way and even after you told them you were feeling sick they showed no empathy.

Ew.. I'm sorry you dealt with people who truly didn't show you a shred or understanding. To me, it sounds like an anxiety attack was coming and you did your best to stay calm, cool and collected through that attack. Your Uncle and Aunt are the AH 1000%.

So, do you think his family's reaction was fair, trying to make the day about the newlywed couple? Or should they have been more sensitive to his feelings after giving a eulogy there the day before?

Sources: Reddit
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