Woman refuses to let man that raised her but broke up her parents walk her down the aisle.
"AITA for telling my half sister that her father might have been in my life longer than my dad but I will never be walked down the aisle by our mom's affair partner?"
MysteriousYard5483
I (27f) have a half sister (25f). We share the same mom but she cheated on my dad (while they were married) and my half sister is the result of that. My mom ended up marrying her dad after the affair was revealed and DNA was established (apparently he wouldn't have married my mom if my half sister hadn't been his.)
My parents shared custody of me until I was just about to turn 8 (literally two weeks before my birthday) and then my dad passed away in an accident. I was at school and it was his parenting time with me so I saw him that day. It really destroyed me. I ended up living with my mom obviously.
I always knew about the tensions between my parents and my dad and my mom's husband. I always knew about the affair because my aunt (mom's sister) was very open about it and she would use every opportunity to call my mom and her husband out.
My mom is still married to my half sister's dad. He tried to be a dad to me. I do think he loves me. He claims me as his other daughter. All that stuff. But I still see him as not my dad and as the person who slept with my mom and got her pregnant while she was married to my dad.
He does not get the fatherly role in my life now. Whenever I see him and my mom I am civil but we are not close. My relationship with my half sister isn't that close either but I know none of this is her fault so I try to have a sibling relationship with her.
After I got engaged she told me she couldn't wait to see "our dad" walk me down the aisle. That's when I told her it would never happen and when she said it should because he has been there longer than my dad ever was I told her it didn't matter to me because I would never be walked down the aisle by mom's affair partner.
She told me that was 26 years ago and I said yeah, it was, and I don't remember it happening, but he does not get rewarded and I am not disrespecting my dad's memory like that.
She told me I shouldn't be acting like this still and what do I think of her when I hate her parents and especially her dad that much. She told me I should appreciate him more for trying to be a good dad to me and I always rejected him and treated him like garbage. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Major-Judgment-4008
NTA. No place for cheaters at a marriage.
TurdFerguson1127
NTA-I don’t blame you for not wanting one of the two people who ruined your parent’s marriage (and in turn your family) to walk you down the aisle at your own wedding. I imagine you still feel a strong sense of loyalty to your own father.
You don’t want to betray him by having someone who was a part of taking so much from him take something else that was supposed to be his. I would feel the same way. Your sister had a completely different life experience from you. She doesn’t get an opinion on this. Do what’s best for you OP.
-usual-suspect-
NTA but you should deal with what you are holding onto x
Good_From_70
A parent/child relationship is a bond. It's not a one way street of showing affection. I think the way you laid out the situation makes a lot of sense that you feel the way you do. Sometimes that bond can happen later on but from your perspective it didn't. It's not anyone's fault, and you certainly aren't an AH for drawing this line in the sand.
Your sister isn't really an AH per se here either. She might even have some resentment of her own for the situation being what it is, so she just wants it to work itself out the way she pictures it. It was outside both of your control and I get a vibe that your half sister just wants everything to be peachy when it simply isn't.
I think the way she delivered what she told you could easily make her an AH, but without that info I think what she said was more emotionally charged than trying to control how you feel about her dad. NAH.
Old_guy_still_alive
INFO: I know this is about your conversation with your sister, but have you informed your mother or your sister's father (I don't see step-dad anywhere so I am taking it that you don't call him that either?) that he will not be walking you down the isle? Will they be invited to the wedding?
NTA. Choose who you want to walk you down the isle. Put a picture up of your BIO dad for remembrance if you like.
The OP responded here:
MysteriousYard5483
They won't be invited and I have not told them. But I really have nothing to do with them now so I expect they will figure it out.
Snoobeedo
NTA. I wouldn’t want someone who was directly involved with the ending of my parents marriage to have a role in the beginning of mine either.
gruntbuggly
NTA. The only reason that man is your step-father is because your mother was cheating on your father with him. You don’t need to start your marriage by having a home-wrecker walk youop down the aisle.