Teen refuses to wear dress for destination wedding; dad says, 'stay home then.' AITA?

"AITA For telling my teenage daughter that if she can't adhere to a dress code for a destination wedding, then she's not coming on the trip at all?"

My wife (37F) and I (38M) have been married for 14 years and have 3 kids, a 15-year old daughter, and 12-year old twin boys. My younger brother got engaged a few months ago and he and his fiance have decided to have a destination wedding in the Caribbean.

I am the best man in the wedding so I obviously have to go. And since we haven't been on a family vacation since for a long time, we figured a week at an all-inclusive resort would be a nice break for all of us.

A couple weeks ago, I was discussing the wedding with my brother and asked how planning was going. He started talking about the dress code and what their ideas are. He said they aren't expecting all men to wear suits since it's going to be hot, but they don't want anyone in shorts either.

He said they want all men wear in slacks and a dress shirt, but no ties required. And for all women to be in a dress. He said they want everyone to be comfortable, but to also look nice.

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with that. But my daughter is not happy. She absolutely hates dresses and will go to great lengths to avoid wearing one. When I told her about the dress code, she said she would not wear a dress and if that's a requirement for the wedding, then she just won't attend the ceremony or reception.

I told her if she can't wear a dress for a few hours on a single day to attend her uncle's wedding, then she won't have to worry about attending the ceremony, because she won't even be coming with on the trip.

She asked if I would seriously leave her home while the rest of the family goes on a tropical vacation and I told her I would have no problem with it if she's going to raise a huge fuss about wearing a dress for a few hours.

She said forcing people to wear something they aren't comfortable in is an outdated idea and as long as she's comfortable and looks nice, it shouldn't matter what she's wearing. I told her that dress codes for weddings are absolutely a thing and totally up to the couple getting married.

My wife suggested talking to my brother about making an exception for our daughter, so I reached out to him. He said they really want every woman to be in a dress, but if my daughter is more comfortable in a romper-style dress, that would work too. But that is also unacceptable to my daughter. I asked her what she wants to wear and she told me 'I don't know.'

At that point I threw up my hands because she hadn't even thought of alternatives and is just insisting on not wearing a dress. I told her and my wife that they need to figure out either a compromise with my brother and his fiance, or find a dress that our daughter can wear, but if they can't then she's staying home.

Q&A with OP:

aceofshovels09 asks:

If the situation was switched and you were required to wear a dress to this event, would you?

tuitiongapaita OP responded:

If it meant standing next to my brother and supporting him in his marriage, I'd wear whatever he wanted me to. It's a few hours of your life, you can stand to be uncomfortable to support someone you love.

Substantial_Plum3460 asks:

The point is that this dress code is sexist…what do you not understand about this?

tuitiongapaita OP responded:

I'm not the one who made the dress code. What do you not understand about that?

flowerbutt00 asks:

Would you do the same for your rando uncle?

tuitiongapaita OP responded:

This isn't some rando uncle. This is her godfather and someone who has been very involved in her life since the day she was born. I know he loves my daughter and cares for her and wants her to be comfortable. But I also understand that couples get to pick dress codes for their wedding.

Here's how people judged OP's situation:

thathorribledude writes:

I wish I grew up when teenagers made the rules 🤣

Beginning-Letter-111 writes:

NTA. Your daughter is old enough to know that the world doesn't revolve around her. This is a perfectly reasonable request. Hell, you even tried to accommodate her and she still refuses. This is a great time for to learn the lesson that actions have consequences.

SJoyD writes:

Why can't she wear slacks and a shirt like the men? I think it's pretty crazy to demand that all women wear skirts... it's 2023.

c1ncinasty writes:

The 'women in dresses only' requirement is bul&^**t. The part where you say 'you aren't coming on vacation with us' if she refuses to acquiesce to these silly requirements is the big issue here. What are you teaching your kids here, man? That you'll abandon them the instant they make you look bad? YTA.

FriendlyCanadianCPA writes:

Why does she have to wear FEMININE clothes though??? Why can't she wear what the men wear? This is completely outdated