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Teen refuses to give up 200-year-old ring that late mom 'promised' to stepbrother.

Teen refuses to give up 200-year-old ring that late mom 'promised' to stepbrother.


While the tradition of giving family heirloom rings to sons to propose with can be a risk if the marriage doesn't last and now your centuries-old jewelry is sent to a pawn shop post-divorce, it can also be a powerful and sentimental gesture...

So, when a conflicted young woman decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about an heirloom ring she inherited after her mother's death, people were quick to help deem a verdict.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for refusing to let my step-brother propose with my mom's heirloom?

My mother passed away 3 years ago, I (19F) was her only biological child but she took care of my step-dad's children (25M, 26M and 30F) since their mom died giving birth to 25M (I'll call him Jon) so my mom what their only maternal figure, they married when I was 2 and she took care of them ever since.

I'm not personally close with either of them or her husband and when she passed, I moved to my dad's home full time and never spoke to them again.

Now, my mom left some money to each of them, but nothing like jewelry, family heirlooms or things like that. Jon wants to get married to his long-term gf and a few weeks ago sent me a message on fb saying he wanted to talk and I agreed, I congratulated him and everything, but he asked for my mom's engagement ring since she always ''promised it'' to him.

My mom and Jon were really, really close, closer than me and her maybe, I knew she loved him the most and it hurts, yeah, but whatever. He showed me some old messages between him and my mom saying things like ''If you want the ring, just ask my love'', or ''I have the ring kept in a box for you,' but she never actually changed her will for the ring to be left to him and she had plenty of time to do so, because she did leave them money.

This ring goes back to a few generations back, maybe 200-250 years old, it was my mom's, my grandma, my great-grandma etc, my mom wore it all the time and it's the only piece of jewelry she actually liked. I said I was gonna think about it before leaving.

I consulted my mom's lawyer and he said that they have no claim over the ring because it's stated for ''the rest'' to go to me while they received money and that if they try to sue, it'll most likely be a lost on their part, so I'm in legally in the clear.

I texted my step-brother again and said that I'd given it a thought and ultimately decided to not give the ring, but that he was welcome to pick another piece of my mom's jewelry box. Everything exploded, Jon and his brothers are calling me an AH because ''She promised him'' and idk what to do, he's calling me a thief and a jealous sister.

Later, she edited the post to add:

ETA: Please people, stop calling me jealous, I never badmouthed or spoke ill of my step-brother (or the rest of my step-family) to be called like that. I never implied he was less than me or that I hated him/didn't like them, my mom passed away when I was still a minor and I went to live with my dad full time, we just lost the relationship, but I've always wished them good thing.

I wrote A LINE about how my mom was closer to him and it hurt me, but nothing me. I was just accepting facts to give you context, not to be called jealous.

Yes, a few texts and verbal promises from mom don't hold the same weight as a legally binding will, but it's also possible she just assumed her biological daughter would be happy to give the ring to her stepbrother...

It is certainly suspicious that the will wasn't ever changed to reflect his wishes, but this young woman's stubborn mindset on the ring could be a bit extreme. On the flip side, her mother chose to leave all of the family jewelry to her and now it's completely her choice as to what happens to all of it. If she wants to keep a 200-year-old ring preserved in a jewelry box instead of her future sister-in-law's left hand then so be it.

Of course, the jury of internet strangers was eager to weigh in on this family drama. Here's what people had to say:

urban_accountant said:

NTA (Not the As*hole) she ultimately decided to not give it to him apparently. Also texts could be fake.

wee_idjit said:

NTA. Your stepbrother is not biologically related to anyone who owned the ring, while you are descended from past owners. Your mother had plenty of time to change her will.

Similar-Radio9514 said:

NTA, it is a family heirloom passed down to daughters. It is your family history

Orange_Fire_Fan said:

NTA you barely know him and you offered any other piece of jewelry from your mom. Stand firm. Who cares what people who are basically strangers that you are slightly related to are saying? Block them and move on with your life.

If she really wanted him to have it, she would have given it to him. As my mom got older, she started taking jewelry off and giving it directly to people. It was a personal gift. If your mom wanted him to have it, she would have handed it to him.

winesis said:

NTA where is the ring their father bought your mom? That is the ring he should be using. The ring from your maternal line should not be given to him. If she wanted him to have that one it would have been listed in the will along with the money she left for him.

So, there you have it!

Everyone agreed unanimously here that this young woman isn't at all wrong to keep the family heirloom that she is entitled to keep, regardless of whether or not her mom may have promised it to her stepbrother. Good luck, everyone!

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